My mother is the same person she always was, and always will be.  She's quiet for a long time, then she gets a hair up her ass and then starts acting up, then I have to post a new sign in the house.  Rinse, lather, repeat.  I am tired talking about it.  She's almost done smoking....just a couple more days.  I gave her one last pack last month, now she's on her second pack that I've bought and I cut each one in half.  I am trying to wean her off in the nicest way possible.  I even put up a calendar for her she will know when they are done.  

You think that will help?  Probably not.  But still, I tried.  

In other news, I went back to the therapist I like.  And he's cool with being my therapist.  I hope he stays being cool with it.  

In other, other news, I (my husband and myself) made $300 at an author fair for our books this past weekend.  It was kind of badass :)  I almost sold out and my hubby sold out with one of his books.  And he's doing amazing with building an audience and a business doing this.  I am such a dork, and I HATE HATE HATE selling myself, but I still sold books, so that's something.  But also, it's my badass cover I designed that's selling it.  So I hope they actually like the book :)  

In other other other news, I get a biopsy next week for my boobsicle.  I had two mammograms, I need another one in 6 months, and I hope my biopsy comes back normal.  I am freaking out a little bit.  But I hope it will be okay.  I am just not thinking about it as much as possible.  

I JUST had a hysterectomy and lost an ovary....and now I have hot flashes every fucking night.  Sigh. But I can't complain, at least I won't have adenomyosis anymore and I won't be pain.  So there's tthat.  And my filthy Mirena IUD is gone (and guess what?? THE DAY IT CAME OUT my blood pressure??? went back to freaking normal!! WHOO HOO!!).  

I am getting ready to launch my YouTube channel, too.  Not about maternal narcissism (though I really should make one), but about me as an author and my stories.  I need to get started on that, but my head is full of cotton again.  I should really do it anyways, cotton or not.  

And I need to finish writing my latest book.  I am almost done.  I just need to do it.  Perhaps I'll do it right now?  Hmm, well, I will try.  Wish me luck.  

Until next time.   

I've seen way too many therapists this year already.  Patrick switched me to Jessamine and I don't like her.  I really liked Patrick.  He was my style of personality.  Whereas Jessamine is so quiet, I can't hear her and she just does the repeating thing and the other thing where they just say "Wow, that sounds hard" rather than actually talk to you about what's going on or ask any questions?  Patrick asked questions.  Patrick talked to me like a person, whereas with the other therapists, I felt like there was this HUGE divide between us, like doctor and patient.  And not just any doctor, but the kind that thinks you're an idiot and they know best.  It's like, duuuuuude, I've lived with my mental illnesses for almost 50 years...you've studied it for like what?  Five minutes compared to that?  *sigh*  

I am going to ask Patrick if I can go back to him.  I don't want to waste a freaking second with someone I don't like.  Because my husband is going back to work soon and I will lose my insurance and I will no longer be able to see a therapist...so why even waste one moment with someone that gives me panic attacks? (I had a panic attack the entire time I was there--I never once felt that way with Patrick).  

THIS JUST IN:  I just talked to my old therapist, the one I supposedly owe hundreds of dollars to because my insurance didn't pay, and I found out she's not a licensed therapist and is practicing therapy on her own...which is illegal.  And now, I need to tell her old office that they can't bill me for something illegal, as they employed her (though, it depends on if she was working on her licensure, which I don't think she was).  And I am going to call the licensing board and report her for practicing without a license.  Because WTF???  THIS is the type of medical care we get with medical cards, ladies and gentlemen.  And now this crazy woman is charging $150/hr for doing therapy without a license!

Okay, I just messaged Patrick.  I hope he will take me back, as I want someone I am comfortable with.  As ALL of these other therapists are giving me trauma LOL  I honestly don't feel listened to or taken seriously by any of them.  Each time, I feel like I let my guard down, only to have them stomp all over it.  Not so much with Jessamine, but she did remind me of someone who did, which now I have horrible anxiety about seeing her again.  I want to see a therapist I actually LIKE seeing.  One that doesn't give me anxiety.  When I saw Jessamine, my anxiety got so bad?  I couldn't see.  Like the entire room went blurry...that's rare for me.  It's happened before, but it's super scary and I know I don't belong in a situation that makes me feel that bad.  I also started having horrible internal tremors, which was my adrenaline, but they got so bad that I started panicking even harder.  I had to remind myself "This is just anxiety, calm down, you weirdo!" and I did, but still.  Why see a therapist who makes me feel that way?  

If he refuses, I am done.  No more therapy for me.  I FINALLY find one I jive with and he wants to send me to someone else?  Nope.  Not doing this anymore.  It's not worth it.  It's not worth my time or having these people traumatize me more than I already am.  

God I hate people.  I really do.  I don't want to, but so many people are such a let down because so many are narcissists.  I need to stop being traumatized by getting narcissistic therapists (or narcissistic adjacent) or by therapists I actually think are quite good who don't want to see me.  It's like, what on earth is even going on here?  AND I want to start my meditation group, but I am terrified these people are going to stress me out due to their shitty behavior.  OR I will find people who I get along with, but will reject me because I stress them out (or whatever reason).  

And this is why I don't have friends.  People stress me the fuck out.  

I just hope that when I start my meditation healing group, I can just get in there, meditate, and we can all just be zen about everything.  No drama.  

Okay, that's my annoyance for today.  I am not meant for human interaction LOL  Sigh.  I need to go meditate.  

 "She let my cat die alone in the cat litter."

This is the story I've been telling since Dobby died.  Dobby was a large back and a little white cat we had since our first apartment in 2005.  He passed away in the late teens due to FIV.  And my mother refused to have him put down and he died in the cat litter in her basement.  He was my cat, but she took him in after we moved a block away from her and we were right on the busy road.  Dobby was a roamer (he was fixed, but loved to travel) and we didn't want him hit by a car.  So he moved in with my mom a block down the street, away from the busy road.  He was 15lbs of pure muscle.  His brother, Harry, was a fat orange cat and was 15lbs of pure chub.  They loved each other and would sleep on each other and wash each other.  Both had very different personalities.  Harry was scared of most things, whereas Dobby was fearless.  Harry was lazy, whereas Dobby was always on the go.  As they got older, they lazed around in the yard most days.  And Dobby got sicker and sicker as time went on and passed away around 2015 or so.  Harry didn't die until 2022, both of natural causes, but we had to put Harry down as he was suffering greatly. 

But so was Dobby.  And my mother knew this and never took him to the vet and just let him die, alone, in the cat litter, in the dank basement of her apartment building.  

I was furious, because she had the money, she just didn't want to do it.  

But two days ago, my mother brought him up, because her cat Sabrina is dying.  She said "You better get a box."  I said "If she's dying, we will take her to be put down."  She said "No!"  I said "Well, I am not going to let her suffer!"  She said "She's not suffering!"  I said "Well, then she's not dying."  But she is.  She's a skeleton with fur.  And she's almost 18 years old.  

She then said "You remember Dobby?  I found him him the cat litter, and he wasn't dead yet, so I brought him upstairs, and he looked out the window and died in my arms."  Even through dementia my mother always has to pretend she's hero.  She's always the winner, always the person who saves the day, always the one on top.  Why is that so important?  I mean, I get it, it feels nice to be winner, right?  But how does it feel good to fake it?  How does that make anyone feel better?  It's untrue and they know it.  Or maybe they believe their lies?  

I know my mother does most of the time.  She recently made up this story about how her insurance paid for her to have a walker with wheels on it, you know, the kind with the seat?  And she keeps wanting her insurance to buy her another one. I said "Your insurance never bought you one, you've said this story before and I've already corrected you.  I bought you that walker.  Not the insurance.  I don't know why you keep saying that."  She said "Oh wow, my mind must be really gone!"  I literally looked at her said "Yup, your brain likes to make things up."  Because all she does is lie.  And she's done that for her whole life.  

"Well, this situation seems like it makes me look bad, it certainly couldn't have happened that way, so it must have happened a different way..." says her brain, while she makes up a new and improved version of whatever story she's trying to remember.    

So now apparently, she held Dobby as he died.  Bullshit.  My cat died alone in the cat litter when he could have been brought to the vet to be put down.  

Here's the thing, recently before that, around a year before, she took my two other cats, and put them down without telling me!  I didn't even get to say goodbye to them!  So why make Dobby suffer?  Literally nothing she does or says ever makes any sense.  

I feel sorry for her.  I honestly do.  It must be so horrible to live with a brain like that.  To not be able to trust your memories, because of how much you lie.  To never feel good enough, so you lie about how amazing you are.  And to let that make you feel good about yourself.  To not feel shame when you lie because to you, the truth doesn't matter as much as adoration does.  To be so fake in a world that allows for fakeness because people are too stupid to question it otherwise, but when they finally do catch you, the world will cast you out quicker than flicking a switch.  It's like, how can you be so precariously perched on the wall of life like that, always teetering to one side or other, moments away from losing all your adoration.  But that's okay, those people were assholes anyways, now you can move to new people to dupe instead!  And the cycle starts over again.  It's sad and sick and weird and strange that so many people live this way every single day.  

Why?  Why does narcissism exist?  How did it happen?  And why do so many people have it?  

I prefer reality.  Yes, it's not as fun.  Sometimes I wish I was still a sheep.  But once your eyes are opened, all you see is how fake the world is sometimes and how many narcissists are living in it.  

I won't correct her about Dobby.  Not today.  But if she brings it up again I will.  And I am sure she will double down about her lie.  It doesn't matter.  It doesn't change the truth.  But god, it makes me wonder, how many lies did she tell me my whole life?  I bet most of the things she told me were lies.  I mean, I already found out about so many of them.  But I bet there are infinite more.  It makes me question everything I know from childhood.  We all should.  Because all narcissists are liars.  But pay attention to the stories about your narcissistic mother being the hero.  Because I bet you fifty farts every single one is made up.  

Sigh.  I am not sure if I like this one.  But I am sticking with her because she has things to teach me.  And I am excited for it.  So even if she sucks as a traditional therapist (or would even suck as a friend--not mine, just anyone's), maybe she's in my life to teach me what I need to know?  So yeah, I am sticking with her for as long as I possibly can.  Though, she really is bugging me.  

When you have a conversation about yourself, your therapist is supposed to ask questions, right?  They are supposed to say "Oh yeah!" or acknowledge that you are speaking in any way, shape, or form, right??  I mean, just something!  But nope.  My therapist changes the subject or talks about what she wants to talk about and NEVER acknowledges that I was just speaking. 

I just don't understand anymore.  What is even going on here?  

I am here to tell you: go with a life coach, they are FAR more helpful than an overpaid therapist!!

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UPDATE:  Nope.  I didn't stick with her.  I saw her a total of four times and the last two times she was supposed to teach me AAIT but didn't and instead used that time to tell me all about her dog.  

And did she ever give me ONE iota of therapy?  Nope.  She just pretended like we were buddies meeting up over coffee, never once asking me how I felt about anything or even listening when I told her about my OCD issues that are severe enough that I need help with.  

WHY IS THIS WHAT WE'RE OFFERED AS PEOPLE WHO NEED THERAPISTS???

So, today I called a new place and now I have a new therapist to see next week.  AGAIN.  

Sigh.  At least someone has openings, thank goodness.  

The lady on the phone said she would give me the other free therapist she has if this one doesn't work out or if the hours don't work out.  

So, we'll see.  

Sigh.  I am so tired of this.  

I will now UPDATE this below with exactly why I left her: 

Many many reasons, but mostly because I think she'd dangerous.  I guess to another patient of hers, she told him (he had borderline personality disorder, and if you know about this, you'll know that suicidal ideation is a part of that disorder) "If I gave you a gun right now, would you kill yourself?"  And she pushed him to do things he didn't want to do.  

And for me?  She looked at me dead in the face and said something that could have changed the medical trajectory of my life.  I have pretty severe anxiety and she knew this and told me when I talked about how scared I was to get my hysterectomy, she said "I had surgery, I died on the table twice during it."  

What in zee fuck?!  

For real, who says that to an anxious person?  And WHY DO I CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS IN HER LIFE???  We were there to talk about MY anxiety, not her bs.  YET every single time I talked about myself, she had some related bs she had to talk about too, never once acknowledging I even said anything at all, other than the fact what she's talking about had to do what I was talking about, except either worse or bigger or better or whatever.  Oh.  My.  God.  

Sigh.  

Yeah, that's why I left her.  She reminds me of so many narcissists I know.  I mean, I have a LOT of things I wrote about her in my review but I don't want rattle on here about it all.  Just know, I made the right choice to leave.  

I am used to my mother's rejection.  I am used to knowing she doesn't love me or even care about my well-being.  I've come to terms with that.  It's taken me a bit, but I've been here for awhile, so it's okay.  It's just something that is, something I can't change or fix, so I accept it and go on living my life.  I can't change it, it just what it is.  

And I've gotten mostly over my father's rejection of me as well.  He didn't reject me as much as just plain abuse me, but it was still rejection at it's core.  And I know 100% that these two people were just little kids in grown bodies (and my mother still is) and the things they reject in me are things they are jealous of or reject in themselves.  I am just a projection screen for them to put their own bullshit on.  I know this.  Deep down, I really do know this.  I don't always believe it, but I know it.  

But now I am trying to have relationship with my birthmother (if you haven't read about her on here yet, please go to the search box and write "birthmother" in it) and here I am, getting rejected yet one more time. 

Could this just be a perceived rejection?  Like maybe I am being too sensitive or looking for a reason to be angry about?  No, it's definitely for real.  Because she's done it over and over and over throughout the years and while again, I KNOW this is her issue and not mine, I just don't always believe it.  I let it get to me.  Granted, I had LOTS of time to heal and come to the understanding with both my parents' abuse and rejection of me.  But with her, this is has just really started.  Our relationship was very minor at first, as well as even when we stayed for a whole week with her at her house.  So I know I need to give myself time in order to come to terms with this.  But hot damn, why?  Was was this always my destination in life?  Granted, if you're reading this, it was probably yours so, so I know I am not special.  I am different because I was adopted, but that doesn't mean anything.  I mean, I was given up for adoption at six months old for a reason.  It's just like...some people only have one parent who rejects them, and some of us have both.  But I have three.  I thought for a second that knowing my birth family that I'd get a second chance this whole "family" thing, as my entire adoptive family is full of narcissists.  But, as it turns out, so is my birth family.  

But is my birth mother a narcissist?  I honestly don't have an answer for that.  I know her mother is.  I know her sister and brother are.  But her...she doesn't quite fit the bill exactly.  I mean, she gossips.  But in a benign way.  She's super self-centered.  But in an autistic way.  She doesn't seem to lash out at people, which is good.  She doesn't seem to participate in smear campaigns.  Which is a huge indicator that she's probably not one.  But does tend to see people as tools for her own gain, rather than actual people.  Which could be autism (I grew up doing exactly that).  

Having autism the way she does would definitely make for a bad parent, if that's what's causing her issues.  I can see that.  But she's 67 years old.  She's had loads of time to figure this shit out.  Granted, I was lucky, I was born with all the empathy she lacked, on top of my own.  So while I grew up being a total jerk to so many people (even though at my core, I didn't to hurt anyone), I grew up and learned to do better.  I am fully aware that some people don't have this ability.  That I get.  But still.  I don't like being on the receiving end of it.  Then again, neither did all the people I was mean to myself when I was younger.  But I didn't birth those people.  And she birthed me.  I guess the question is here: does that really matter?  She chose not to be my mother, and that was the right thing to do, but I guess I just can't get behind the choice of not wanting your own child.  Especially your own six month old baby.  

I know, I know, not everyone is like me.  We are all different.  Not everyone was born with my hyper-empathy and my deep-rooted maternal instincts (something I was constantly told, even as a child, that I had, as I was some kind of little herding sheep dog with my friends, always mothering them like they were my kids LOL).  My brain is my brain and it works the way my brain works.  I can't expect everyone to think exactly the way I do.  But isn't the normal natural way to live as a human being is to have maternal instincts?  To love and care about your child, even if they're not living with you?  Right?  But too many humans don't have that.  Why?  How is that evolutionarily wise?  I mean, I guess that caring for your children isn't really a trait of evolution, as what does it matter for the species if you are loved or not?  Yes, it fucks us up, but it doesn't stop us from procreating--in fact, it may actually cause more procreating.  So maybe fucking up your kids is good for the species to continue?  I mean, that would make sense as to why there are so many narcissists in the world.  

I still wonder if my birth mother has NPD.  Because even though I've known her for almost 30 years now, I still don't know her very well.  I mean, up until late last year, she pretty much ignored me for a year at a time.  Now she lives a few hours away and she's up my ass all the time, usually only asking me for favors.  Which again, leads me to questioning her NPD status.  Since I don't actually know her very well, she could be hiding all sorts of parts of her personality from me.  So honestly, I have no clue.  And I want to tell her how much she bothers me, but at the same time, I fear her never speaking to me again.  Not really because I'd miss her, as she doesn't really jive with me or even care about my existence (I usually have to remind her about that one).  But for selfish reasons.    

I tell you, if she acted like an actual birth mother, someone who regretted giving up their kid, and treated me like someone she actually cared about and missed...I would want her in my life all the time.  But I never know what exactly it is she wants from me when she wants to visit.  Granted, I know she just wants to visit, but I feel like I could be an old neighbor and she'd treat me exactly the same.  But I guess in some way it's better she doesn't regret giving me up...at least I know my existence, and subsequent disappearance, didn't cause her any pain.  I mean, that's a good thing, right?  I know she can't help the way she is, but it feels so defeating.  

I just need to come to terms with this.  And her.  And it will just eventually become part of my backstory.  

I just recently had a hysterectomy and she knew about it and I thought when she called me right before she was wishing me luck.  She wasn't.  She asking for...potatoes (if you don't know what that is, just search "potatoes" on my blog search bar).  And when she just emailed me, I thought she was going to ask how I was doing.  And again, she was talking about stupid fuck-ass potatoes again.  Sigh.  Not even my therapist asked how I was doing or how I felt about removing my uterus.  I feel so alone.  Yes, my husband and kids care, but not a single woman in my life has cared (other than my amazing OBGYN).  I mean, this is a big deal and I haven't even begun to process it.  And not only that, but the fact it was major surgery (and I lost a freaking ovary during surgery), and she hasn't even bothered to ask how I am doing.  Not once.  

I mean, I can list all the times she's forgotten my birthdays (including my 40th--which really sucked).  I can list all the times she's forgotten Christmas.  Or all the times she's forgotten I existed at all, for almost a year.  Or when she never called me once during the pandemic.  And part of is the fact she goes around calling me her daughter.  It's like NOPE.  I am not your daughter.  I am the child you gave away on at Christmastime when I was six months old.  So shush your mouth, lady.  You are not my mother in way, shape, or form.  

And then there was the time that my family was abducted (we were offered a home under false pretenses in order for her to get us into her home so she could abuse us) and made us homeless and I posted about it and my birthmother said "Well, you got through it so you're fine!" 

Ugh.  

Okay, enough bitching for now.  Until next time....

I am so sorry, I feel like such an ass, but I had to upload an actual picture of my ex-husband.  I know, I know, I am supposed to be anonymous here.  But it just had to be done.  

No, I am not making fun of southern folk.  My ex is not from the south.  But a hillbilly he is.  Hell, the man even lives in a farmhouse on a farm!  Is he a farmer?  BAHAHAHA hell no.  He ain't fit for that kind of work.  That man would throw his back out letting out a loud fart and then cry about it for week while you waited on him hand and foot in mouth disease.  

What?  What's that you say?  Why am I so angry at him right now?  Well, let me tell you.  

Recently, my youngest and I have been attending events for my ex's side of the family.  My oldest didn't want to go, and at first, I don't think he really understood why.  And now he does.  But I was getting along with my ex and his wife.  I also was careful not to push to hard about his wife's oldest son, who's been harassing my oldest son when he visits, because that's her son and I don't want to piss her off.  But now I regret not saying something, because tonight my ex, who had been drinking, called and started spouting off the SAME BULLSHIT his stepson says to my kid.  

Though he added "Your father is the only one who wants the best for you."  My son said he almost said "Yeah, I am sure Mr. Brooks does", meaning my husband.  He didn't say it, but he was getting pissed off at the insinuation that his mother doesn't want what's best for him.  Secondly, he was getting pissed off at the insinuation that my ex is his father, when he gave up his rights in 2011 and didn't speak to either of the kids for five entire years.  Thirdly, he was getting pissed off at the insinuation that my ex-husband wants what's best for him, or even knows what's best for him or even knows what best for anyone, ever.  But what he's really pissed off about is that he is acting like he wants what's best for him, YET can go over a year without talking to him.  Or seeing him.  And has done so since my son's been a kid.  Why out of the blue does this man supposedly care about him?  Why now?  What's changed?  But also, the fact that he's saying "no man other than your father will want what's best for you, they will only want what's best for them", insinuating that my husband (my children's actual father, legally and otherwise) doesn't want what's best for him...as though my ex knows one damn thing about Mr. Brooks.  WTF?!!  

Then he started in on him for not having a job and telling him that "you may not want to work, but it's something you have to do, blah blah blah, etc. etc.", shaming him for not having a job.  My son has HORRIBLE anxiety and PDA and health issues that prevent him from working right now.  And my ex knows this.  But he doesn't care.  So my son said "I am going to try college to go get a degree to be a therapist".  And you know what my ex said??  "You have to be right kind of person to go to college, son, otherwise you're just wasting everyone's money and time!"  

Deep breath.  If I would have heard that? I would have reached through the phone and punched him in the face.  

So, I did what I always do, told my son his father had been drinking and to just ignore him (though my son has been just LOOKING for a reason to never speak to him again and this was it--good!!).  And then I took to Facebook to see if he's being slushy with his drunkeness posting stupid shit online.  And yes.  Yes he was.  Though, he's been posting this shit for a MONTH!  So it's not just his drunkeness that's causing it!  I kept scrolling through the "poor me, everyone hates me" bullshit.  I was ready to give up and that's when I saw this meme, along with his comment below it (I added the white part at the bottom about smear campaigns): 

I have seen many things posted on his Facebook page that have been something I wanted to comment on.  But not once did I do it.  I usually just giggle and scroll on.  Until yesterday.  

2025 is my now year of Feral-ness.  It should be yours too.  Our Feral Year.  The year where we just give ourselves back over the wild that bore us and we become one with nature and everything in it, including our own once-feral souls.  And in that Feral-ity, we become something else...something untamed and wild and authentic.  Honest.  No more pussyfooting around.  No more taking care of people's feelings who DO NOT DESERVE for us to so do.  No more bowing down to a narcissist.  We slay them with our swords of truth and never look back.  Bridges?  They will be burned to ash and we will stand over that ash, guffawing into the wind that will then take the ash and spread it as far as the eye can see.  Over mountains, over rivers, over streams, over the lying, scheming, narcissists.  And so it begins.  

So, with that in mind, I had had enough, TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS of dealing with this one man's bullshit (and by proxy, his family's bullshit) and I decided that enough was enough and I was done.  With ALL of them.  So I burned that fucking bridge to the ground.  

Um...what?  Are you talking about me?  Because I hope you aren't.  I NEVER held your kids from seeing you.  Your mother told me that your wife was doing drugs around my children and that was the only time, other than the time you BRUISED MY SON BY PICKING UP BY THE ARM AND THROWING HIM ONTO HIS BACK TO TEACH HIM A LESSON, in which I got a restraining order on you.  YOU have a horrible temper and you scared the holy shit out of your kids on a regular basis.  You smacked D so hard that he hit the floor, remember that??  You think you're the victim here?  Oh god, PUHHHLEEASE.  I gave you every opportunity to be a good dad and to see your kids.  I PUSHED you to see them, but you went weeks and months without calling and when you finally CAME TO ME and said "Please have Mr. Brooks adopt the kids" (not my idea, it was YOURS), you then BLACKMAILED ME and said "you have to forgive me legally of all my back child support if you want me to give up my rights".  Even though it was your idea to begin with!!!  You gave them up FOR MONEY!!  FOR MONEY!  You made me PAY YOU in order to keep my kids safe from you and your HORRIBLE behavior.  You abused my children and then you told everyone THAT I WAS THE PROBLEM, that I was keeping them from you.  By the time you asked me to have Mr. Brooks adopt the kids, you'd only seen the kids TWICE in a year.  IN A FUCKING YEAR!!!  And that was 100% your choice.  My lawyer was going to go after you for abandonment, but I told him not to.  

And you were only a cub scout leader to SHOW ME UP.  I was taking the kids to cub scouts for an entire YEAR before you had anything to do with it.  So don't play this game where you were oh so great of a father...you weren't, and you know it.  So your family calls you out on your shit and you get mad at them???  Well, I am glad to see for once they can see what I've seen and dealt with all along.  

I never judged your girlfriends, nor did one fucking thing to any of them, other than your current wife, which I now I like her.  But back then, it was a different story. She didn't like me either.  And I thought we all moved passed this???  Why are you bringing this shit back up?  Because someone said something to you?  The last time your mom said something to about it, you called me, begging me to tell you that you made the right choice and that you're not a bad father.  You DID make the right choice in giving them up, because you were AWFUL to them!!!  

AND YES YOU WERE GOING TO LET HARM COME TO YOUR KIDS AND YOU HARMED THEM YOURSELF!!  So shut up about this shit, will ya?  GIVE IT A REST!  IT'S BEEN 84 YEARS SINCE ALL OF THAT HAPPENED, AND YOU'RE STILL BITCHING??????!!!  YOU made mistakes here, Ex-Husband.  Grow up and take responsibility for them!  I have!  And your kids have moved on and are in your life now, what more do you want?????  God, I am so fucking done with you.  LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS WHATEVER IT IS YOUR GOING THROUGH UNLESS YOU WANT TO HEAR THE TRUTH!!  

The only travesty here is a 50 year old man who can't grow the fuck up and realize the things he did wrong and only wants to blame everyone else for HIS mistakes!!  God, you are so self-centered that you can't even see the shit you've done to them.  And then you always want to bring it around and blame me, just like you always have.  Sigh. I guess I can't expect more out of you.  You disappointment me, because I thought you FINALLY changed and moved on.  But I guess I'll be your scapegoat until you day you die, right?  Whatever.  I don't care anymore.  I am done with you.  DO NOT call me again.  I don't even know why you still call me sometimes.  I am not the place for you lay down your pity parties at anymore.  I am not here to absolve you of your sins.  You made them.  Be like the rest of us and deal with them like a grown up.  And MOVE ON!!!  

And his response two days later: 

I waited for him to respond before blocking him.  And I did the minute he sent this.  

This man is dumber than a box of rocks.  Obviously it's not about the post!  It's about his response to the post that I was addressing!  

For some reason, his whole family thinks that he is supporting his sister's ex-husband who is a gangbanger and abuser.  The ex beat the fuck out of his sister and went to jail for it and for some reason, this guy keeps ending up at my ex's house.  Well, I wonder why his family is angry at him?  

Here's the thing.  My ex allowed his BFF named Jeff try to beat my ass right in front of him and he did NOTHING to stop it.  Also, my ex and their other BFF Ken knew that Jeff was physically beating his pregnant girlfriend and they both stayed friends with him knowing this and did nothing to stop it.  Also, my ex???  Tried to let me drown while I was pregnant while he saved himself and did NOTHING to help me--even though he could swim and I couldn't.  So, if they think that my ex will give one flying rat's ass about this man beating his sister???  Pssshhhhtttt.  Get real.  He's a bystander.  Nothing more.  (my husband said that's a polite way of calling him a pussy--I said potayto, potahato).   

So my bridge has been burned to the ground, ladies and gents.  No more ex-husband in my life and no more birthfather in my children's lives.  They both blocked him and are done.  My husband now is very happy about this, as I used to go to bat for my ex (like an idiot) thinking he could eventually one day be the father he should have been to my children.  But he never did.  My husband did, though.  

So yes, Mr. Ex.  I DID find another man to be their father.  And while he's not perfect (as neither am I), my children are SO MUCH BETTER OFF than if you would have stayed being their dad.  You're just sore that you didn't have it in you to step up, and now you want to blame everyone but the actual person who's fault it is: YOURS.  

Godspeed and good luck with whatever your going to do with your life now.  Because it sounds like you're going to need it.  

Last post ever about his asshole.  And I'm out.