Last night, my therapist says I can have a relationship with my mother, I just have to set boundaries.

Like, if she gets condescending or crappy, just hang up on her.

I told her though "every word she says is laced with lies and condescension, I can't really hang up on her every moment we speak." 

She said "Just set boundaries." 

I said "But you don't understand.  This will take years of not talking to her at all so I can heal first.  I cannot heal if I have any conversation with her at all.  If she makes me angry to hang up on her, then I will be angry again, and not healing.  I need no contact with her." 

She said yes, but when I am ready......

But, will I ever be ready?  Nothing she says to me ever again will feel "normal".  I can't trust her.  I can't believe her.  I can't listen to her speak without taking each word and picking it apart for lies and condescension. 

So, my ultimate question is: who does it benefit to have a relationship with her? 

Who does it benefit?  Me?  Not in the least.  Her?  Yes. 

So even if I don't talk to her for years, what will having a relationship with her do for me in the future?  Will she "be my mother?"  Will she fulfill that role?   No, never.  She will never ever fulfill that role for me.

So what, then?  Why would I want my mother in my life if she can't be my mother?

Maybe one day I can see her as an acquaintance or something similar, but right now, I am still mourning the loss of a mother. 

I am still angry.  I am still in shock.  I am still sad. 

And I will be for a very long time.

And having any kind of relationship with her in the future will only benefit her and relationships are supposed to be 2-way streets and I don't play that way anymore.  I used to sit and let people walk all over me, but for the past few years, I've learned to stand my ground and speak my mind.  And with her, it will be no different. 

Even if she thinks she's my mother.  

UPDATE 2021: I don't have a relationship with her.  I do live with her, but I refuse to infuse myself with her in the least.  And I was absolutely right about everything I said above.  100%.