So, I kinda feel bad about what I posted yesterday, BUT I also know it was the truth.  My husband read it and said "We are NOT taking her dog."  LOL  Yeah....he'll not be able to say no when the time comes LOL

But today was worse than yesterday with her.  She was yelling, argumentative, and combative, to my children and myself.  She was threatening, and being childish.  It was like shopping with 3 damn kids today, and two of them WERE kids.

I love my mother.  I really do.  And for who she is, not who I expect her to be.  She just frustrates me to high heaven.  She was good for such a long time...okay, like a freaking month and half, now that I count the days.  But that was the longest time ever!  And just like that BAM!!!!  back to her old self.

How lovely for me.

The only issue I have here in my inability to take care of my family, monetarily.  If I could just do that,  I could walk away from when the need arises.  I will not have to fake nice or pretend to be her verbal punching bag.  I could be more adult about the whole thing. 

But I will keep working on that part, and hopefully it will work out...for so many reasons. 

But mostly, so I can be "normal" and not have to subject my family to her ways on a regular basis. 

I know she's dying.  We all are, aren't we?  But she has a slow progressing disease...although I can clearly see the dementia progressing more rapidly than the Parkinson's.  I know she's hurting somewhere deep down inside, somewhere she can't even find herself. 

I know this.  And because of that, I can forgive her and humor her when I need to.  She can't help being narcissistic.  But I also don't deserve any more abuse, either.  And I know there is something on the brink just waiting to happen to us, something wonderful.  So we can be a financially secure family.  And so I can love her from afar when need be. 

Its not healthy, her and I, being in such close proximity all the time anymore.  And I know eventually, she will live with us when she's too sick to take care of herself.  And in an altered state of mind.  But until then, I can have a healthier relationship with her by keeping as much distance as I can between us, even with only a block between us.  I just need something to come thru.

I am gifted at so many things, as is my wonderful husband.  But it just seems we haven't caught a break yet.  We will, we will.  I just hope its soon. 

I am off to bed, good night my friends.  And pleasant dreams.