Hollywood gets it right more often than they realize.

I have always really really loved the movie Coraline.  And as a child, Labyrinth.

Granted, I am in love with fantasy movies, but there is something else with these two movies that really speak to me and keep me enthralled, even after watching them 100 times.

And now I finally get it.

I've been journaling in my journal that has been my place to put my private thoughts about my journey with my mother and her narcissism and I figured it out: she is both Jareth the Goblin King and Coraline's "Other Mother".

Here is how both Jareth and the Other Mother are total narcs:

Jareth:

• Lies to Sarah, tells her "if you do what I want, I'll give you what you want".
• Keeps her in a maze of confusion (left is right, up is down).
• Sarah's entire adventure with Jareth is one riddle after another, usually with nonsensical answers that only are made to aid Jareth in confusing her more.
• Sarah's adventure is also filled with uncertainty, and a time-constraint.  My mother loves these games: "Do this in this period of time, OR ELSE, all because I said so!"
• Jareth punished Sarah for words she only spoke out of frustration, and then played a "cat and mouse" game in order for her win his approval (meaning him rewarding her with giving her brother back).
• Jareth's punishment was really just a game he was playing, but made Sarah think it was her fault (another part of the game) and did everything he could to make her fail.

The Other Mother:

So, yesterday was a TREMENDOUS amazing step in the right direction, away from the tyranny known as "my mother".  She's always using her car or money as a way to control my family, and now we don't need either one :)

Because yesterday? 

WE BOUGHT A NEW CAR!!!! 

Score!!  This is perhaps the best idea we've had in a long and now we'll not have to feel it's necessary to put up with her insane bullshit just so we can get places.  Now she can drive her DAMN SELF to all of her doctor's appointments, because when I do it, she's acts like an asshole to me (or my son) OR she thinks SHE'S going to drive and tries to kill us. 

So yes, one step forward, my friends!  One step at a time, that's all it takes. 

I feel freer than I have in YEARS! 

YAY!!

This is the question that begs to be asked: who are we without our mothers?

More than likely, if you have a narc mom, then you have either a narc dad OR you have an enabling father, also known in the maternal narc world as an EF.

These fathers normally support our mothers with fervor, as they do them (when it suits them).  Both my parents were abusive, and both were enablers of one another.  I very much feel like an orphan.  I have no parents.  No real ones, anyways.

So who am I without my mother?

If you would have asked me that a few years ago, I would have said "Girl Lost", as my name suggests.  But now?  I am no longer lost....I am found.

"I once was lost, but now am found, I was blind, but now I see."

I am not Christian, but I do believe this verse applies to all of us who find out our mothers are narcissists. It says to us "It's them, not us.  It's always been them, even though she tried to convince us otherwise."

So, who are we when we become motherless?  Because when your mom is a narc, you are definitely motherless.  It's just that you never realized it before.  So, who do you become when you realize it?

You become found.  

My mother's friend from childhood decided to bring up the fact that my children are homeschooled to my mother and thought it would be nice to talk about how worried she was about them "being socialized".

Then my mother decides to say "They do not have one friend, either one of them."  Then she said about how neither one of the kids know math at all and she "fears for their future".   And then apparently she must have told her other friend (the neighbor--although we ALL are neighbors) that I sit around all day on my computer and don't pay attention either child, so that "other friend", we'll call her BM for Big Mouth, chimes in with "She needs to start teaching those kids instead of sitting around on her computer all day long!"

Who the fuck are these people to think they know ONE DAMN THING that goes on in my house?  And her friend is a fucking idiot to bring up anything to my mother at all about my family in the first place.  Her AND her husband were "worried about my kids" but she never says a damn thing to me.  I just LOVE gossips!!  This is why I refuse to take part in gossip anymore.  I am tired of it.  I am tired of the fucking LIES coming out her mouth.

NONE of those things in the 2nd paragraph is true, btw.  Both of my kids have friends in real life and online.  Both of my kids know math and my mother KNOWS that my youngest is a math WIZARD, yet she decided to lie about them both.

Well, that's narcissism for you.  Can't say I was surprised, but I am so sick and tired of her running her damn mouth.

Her dementia is getting worse, and it can't come soon enough.  Everything she says, good or bad, is a manipulation game for her....she's getting something out of it.  And I am tired of having to pretend to put up with her insanity. The moment she gets bad enough to have to be taken care of, is the MOMENT these crazy fucking people are not allowed access to her anymore.  Her childhood friend is fine, although she says annoying things to get things started, she's still fine to be around her.  But BM?  That bitch will be done.

BM is a user...she KNOWS my mother is losing it, so she takes advantage of her over and over for money, rides, cigarettes, food, etc.  And I am so tired of it.  But my mom is a narc with dementia but with enough brainpower to veto me saying BM can't "play at her house anymore".

It's just a waiting game now.  Waiting to get BM out of her life.

March 7, 2015

*sigh*

So the other shoe finally dropped again.  After months on end of my mother doting on me like someone sucking up for a raise, she went full crazy again. 

It started with her snapping at my son quite a bit, then on to humiliating me at Kmart to the cashier. 

Her driving has become insane...every time she drives, she almost hits at least one car, but recently it was almost 5 in one day.  She can't stay in her lane, and is always swerving around and being quite dangerous.  Not to mention her speeding: 65 in a 40 more than once.  Jerking into lanes back and forth and not using her blinkers.  I need to talk to her doctor because she's going to kill someone. 

And then the shit talking started.  She's been going around telling people that my 13 year old and 17 year old do not know any math at all.  She also says neither one of them have a single friend (yet she knew my oldest just had a friend come over the other day).  She tells them all I do is watch TV all day.  She tells people that my son can't hold down a job because of his "anxiety" (which is said in a high-pitched voice with quotations on her fingers) and makes fun of him for it. 

I honestly wish I could punch her in the face sometimes.  She's picking on my kids because that's what she does when she's in FULL NARC MODE. 

I let her back into my life after the last time, well, now I've learned my lesson.

Thing is, what a stupid choice for her to be talking shit about my family when I am the one who schedules her doctor's appointments and she's having 2 surgeries in 10 days!  I guess she's finding her own rides.

And we used to rely on her for a car during the day, well now we have our own car :)  Yesterday we went and bought a car!!!  YAY!!!  I feel free of her!!  It's a wonderful feeling to NOT have to rely on her for SHIT. 

Because that's what she holds over us: do I want, I'll give you want you need, but then I get to do whatever I want (like talk shit about you).  No more, mama.  You no longer have the upper hand. 

And that's all she wrote  *wink*