(insert whatever lie your narcissist mother told you here).  Could be people, could be a certain food, could be something you're really good at, but your mother told you that you weren't.

These women are MASTER MANIPULATORS.  Don't you forget it.  Never take their word for anything, EVER.

Growing up, and until recently, my mother had convinced me that fruitcake was the devil.  She said it's the most disgusting thing on earth.  I always wanted to try it, but she would NEVER let me buy any, ever.  So it wasn't until Christmas day of 2015 I ever had a taste of fruitcake.

And let me tell you, that shit was gooooood!

So while, maybe she really did hate it, but why not buy me some just one time as a kid to let me try it?  I was convinced it was awful, and every time I brought up tasting it it front of her, she would go on and on and on about how awful it was and how dumb I'd be for trying it.  See, it's all about control.  She couldn't risk me loving it, when she hated something so much.

This is a quite stupid example, as honestly, there was never anything stopping me from buying a loaf of this myself and trying it.  But isn't that the entire point here?  That something that could be solved SO easily, never is, all because of the poisoning of the mind from the narcissist parent.  The ONLY reason I even tried it, was because another narcissist, my mother-in-law, insisted I did.

(Funny thing: My mom used to buy my teachers fruitcake every single year for Christmas...how's that for shits and giggles?)

Let's expand this idea to something greater, such as, oh, I don't know, a person.

"This person is (insert insult here)".  You hear it your whole life.  You accept it as truth because your parents say so.  In my case, my 2nd oldest male cousin, let's call him "The Enforcer" (because he's a cop, get it? haha), married a woman who not only forced him to convert to Catholicism (we were all a different religion), but was thought as by many in our family as "The Lazy Witch".  There were tall tales of my cousin getting off of work for a break, he'd come home, vacuum the entire house (while holding a baby in his arms), fixed the kids food, and went back to work....all the while TLW would sit on her ass and I guess do nothing at all.   This was a widely held belief, all the while backed up by a picture of him holding a baby with a vacuum in his hand.  I wasn't smart enough to put two and two together to see those were lies perpetrated by my mother's sister, who was The Enforcer's mother.  But now I am 100% sure that's not how their marriage went in the least, but that was the rumor.  Narcs LOVE spreading rumors.  

Then we have my father's sister, who was an "embezzling whore" who married her own uncle.  My mother HATED this woman, I think because my father loved talking to his sister on the phone (though only when drunk, I think) and she hated my dad giving anyone else any attention (even myself, as seen by the rift she created between us).  Though I do think my aunt made my dad cry regularly?  I can't remember.  But I had such a horrible view of her, all my mom did was talk shit about her.  She never let me form my own opinion about her, and now she's out of our lives forever, due to my father's death.  When my dad died, she was ANGRY that my aunt was grieving, as if she had no right.  What kind of sick person doesn't let a woman grieve over her brother's death?  But anyways, the point is, I never got to know my aunt.  My dad never got to tell me stories about them growing up.  All I know is what my history-changing mother tells me, and my aunt will only know the history-changed "facts" my mother has told her.  What a fun way to live life!

Our narcissist parents will do anything to control us, esp. to think like them.  They feel justified in their hatred of whatever or whoever, as long as you agree with them.  When you disagree with them, they will normally belittle you (like call you stupid, etc.) until you back off.  It's their tactic, their way of keeping control.  "Agree or pay the price!"

Then we have the other issue that usually goes along with all of this:

Take my other cousin, for example.  When my grandma was sick, said cousin never visited, and even told me "I would visit more, but Grandma doesn't even know who I am".  My mother hated this woman with every fiber of being.  I did, too.  Then my cousin and I had it out, and then she became my mom's new BFF.  What in the holy fuck?  So, to my mother, the enemy of my enemy is my BFF?  I was always, and will always, be her enemy, in her mind.  So anyone I hate (or hates me), she will love.  It's as simple as that.  My cousin did bad things to me, so my mom now supports her.  Though I will say, that my mother thinking my cousin was a selfish jerk in the first place was justified.  I still don't like the woman (a fellow narcissist, just like good 'ol mom).  So while we are supposed to bow down to our mother's hatred of things or people, if WE hate something or dislike or have an issue with someone, they will LOVE them (or it).

So the formula is: 
Mom's dislikes have to also be disliked by us, but if we dislike something, then Mom will love it.  

For the most part, they can sway back and forth (like she does with my cousin's approval) to their liking, which makes them completely unstable (and makes you want to pull your hair out), but normally that's how it will go.

But my original point is, just because your mother has led you to believe something, doesn't make it true.  

Here are a few things that I have believed my entire life because what she put into my head: 

1. I am bad at math.  She LOVES to think I am bad at math.  So I believed I was.  Once, I asked her help on a math paper when I was in 3rd or 4th grade and she did 1/2 of the problems for me, and when I got the paper back, ALL of her answers were wrong and mine were right.  When I confronted her about this, she accused me of lying and being mean and had a tantrum until I shut up about it.  That should have tipped me off, but I was too young to really see the truth yet.  Also, playing Yahtzee with her was like going to the dentist (the dentist was more fun).  I only played with her because she loved it so much and I wanted to make her happy.  She loved not only bossing me around (telling me where to put my scores), but also to poke fun at me while I tried to add up my scores in the end.  "Aren't you done yet?" with that condescending smile on her face and tone of her voice.  Then she'd answer for me as I was adding up the numbers, just to get me to stumble.  I had a math phobia my ENTIRE LIFE because of her.  I honestly believed I was bad at math.  I was an adult before I realized this wasn't true.

2. I have horrible handwriting.  Before her sickness, my mom had immaculate handwriting.  And she sure made you knew this, too.  Because hers was so beautiful, she loved to point out how awful mine was and how messy it was and still does to this day.  She'll squint and say "What does this say?" while making a confused face, as if it's so sloppy you can't even read a word of it.  But then a few years ago, I shared something in an online group, which had my handwriting on it.  I said "I am sorry my handwriting sucks so much, but you get what I am talking about" (meaning whatever example I was trying to show...like a chart or something).  And all I got were replies saying "What are you talking about?  Your handwriting is beautiful! I wish mine was like yours!" and the such.  I started crying.  Me?  Beautiful handwriting?  I had never been told that a day in my life (besides my husband, who, at the time, I thought was just being nice).  That bitch lied to me.  Again.

3.  I look better with short hair.  I am still battling this one to this day.  I am sitting here, with uber short hair, not knowing if I would even like to have long hair or not.  My mom had NO time for fixing my hair and forced me to cut my hair every other year until finally, in 9th grade, I never let it grow out again.  I could say, I prefer short hair.  But I have no idea if this is the truth or a lie created by my mother.  I don't even know how to grow it out (I get to a point where I don't know what to do with it, so I cut it off again).  I had hair down past my butt in kindergarten.  But that's it.  First grade, short like a boy's cut!  2nd long, 3rd short, etc.  This makes me question everything about me: who would I be without her influence?  I have no freaking idea. 


I know there is more to add to this list, but for now, this is all I can think of.

So the moral of my story here, boys and girls, is:

Just because she led you to believe something is true (or horrible), doesn't mean it is.  Even if it's something as simple as buying a damn fruitcake, just go do it.  If you hate it, you'll know it's because YOU hate it, and not her.  And isn't that the entire point?  To know who YOU are without HER?  Because I will tell you right now, I bet your life is so riddled with lies that she had led you to believe, you aren't even aware of them all yet.  I know I'm not.  But I am getting there.  Slowly, but surely. 

And you can, too.  Just go buy yourself a fruitcake and get on with it.