"Narcissistic Injury" happens when something damages the narc's fragile ego and the shame they feel becomes unbearable, so they have to lash out.


A perfect example of this is my own mother, who yesterday had a meltdown because I wasn't there at her beck and call when she wanted something.  So apparently made an appointment without telling me and expected me to be home to take her.  She treated this as an emergency, judging by the seventeen times she called me IN A ROW, and then not leaving me any messages until the 17th time to "call her".  She purposely never tells me what exactly she wants from me, she just expects me to come when she calls.  And that's not including the time she called my husband at work to bitch him out because I wasn't there.


A narcissistic injury occurred when her control was weakened by me not being in the place she wanted me to be exactly when she wanted me there.  It was a threat to her ability to control her own life.  Now, the doctor's appointment was for starting a vitamin shot regimen, which was certainly not life or death, and even less to be considered an emergency.  There was no reason for her to be freaking out and overreacting over an appointment she made just five minutes before.


Our mutual friend stopped by her house while this was going on.  When she walked in, she saw that my mom was so angry, that she was throwing the phone down in the kitchen screaming "She won't answer her phone!!"  She was calling my home number and not my cell number, because she thought my home and cell had the same number (I had been wondering why my mom stopped calling my cell a year ago).


So the narcissistic injury occurred, so what happens next?


I think we all know the answer to that:


Narcissistic Rage


Because you can't even have injury without rage when it comes to narcissism, or vice versa, because the first is the cause of the latter.  So both of these things walk hand in hand with one another, which is something we need to remember when something injures them (whether it's a real threat or a perceived one).  And remembering this keeps us on our toes so we can be prepared for the rage that will follow. 


When I injured my mother's ego yesterday by not being available for her calls, she lashed out to my husband, our mutual friend, and myself, threatening to take her car back and drive herself places (considering she failed all her balance tests the previous day at the neurologist's office and her dementia, driving is off the table for her indefinitely), among other threats.  She stomped her feet, threw her phone, made empty threats, made wild and crazy accusations, and prepared herself to do things she can't even do (like walking up to my house and stealing her car back).  My mom's go to rage actions are always threats and lies.  Sometimes she's hit me, but that's reserved for when I fight back (or once, about 11 years ago, she slapped me for slammed a plate down in the dishwasher because she accused me of being perverted with my own children because they were7 and 4 and I let them sleep next to me......yeah, my mom has some MAJOR psychological issues with opposite sex parents co-sleeping with their children--yet she had no issues sleeping next to me as a kid or letting my boys sleep in her bed when they spent the night...very odd). 


And when this whole blog started (go back to my first post and you'll see) she tried to attack me in her house because I stood up to her.  You don't stand up to my mom, that causes more narcissistic injuries than anything else on earth.  And if you do stand up to her, her rage becomes a million times worse.  So I always have to be careful never to push her to too far, unless I can easily run away from her.  But normally I just don't go that far.  I let her react like a child having a tantrum (which is what it really is) and I just walk away until she's done.


Narcissistic rage can come in all shapes and sizes, so when there is something to injure your mom's ego--whether you're not answering her phone calls, not bowing down to what she wants you to do, or proving her wrong in some way (and so many other things), be aware that retaliation is 99% of the time on the horizon.  So always be prepared to protect yourself.  Always.






What happens when your mom's ego has been damaged?  How does she react?  Please share below.