So last week, a mutual friend's sister died.  Mutual meaning a friend of mine who is also a friend of my mother's.  My mom grew up with this friend, as with her sister as well.  But we all went to the service, which was lovely (unlike my uncle's funeral where my cousin's played rap music during the service, for a man who loved Slim Whitman and Charlotte Church).

Right before the service, my mother told me that she sent our mutual friend a plant and signed it from all the neighbors, me and my family, and my aunt.  I had no idea she was going to do this, but I found it was a nice gesture, although a little odd that she signed our neighbor's name to a family gift.  But anyways, so a few days later, my aunt asked my mom if she wanted money for the plant and if she was taking up a collection.  So my mom replied that she had asked everyone for money but nobody had any money to spare.  Meaning that nobody would help her pay for the $50 peace lily. 

Now my entire family is going to think that we refused to help her pay for something that she never even informed anyone she was even buying.  *sigh*

Granted, I am no contact with my entire family, but I certainly do not want them thinking anything about us....only because when they think about us, they do bad things to us.  Like sending unmarked hate mail to my house, or contacting my in-laws to spread lies about me, and many other things. 

I am so annoyed with my mom and so angry with her, but what can I do?  If I bring this up to her, nothing will change, nothing will be different.  She will lie her way out of it, or at least try to.  Right now, it's honestly just a waiting game with her.  Her dementia is getting worse and today at the neurologist we're going to find out what else is going on (probably won't be diagnosed with SHIT because every doctor my mother sees doesn't give two shits about her mental or physical state).

And if I told my family my mom is a liar, they would not believe me and think I was the liar.  And if I pretended to be my mom in her email or something to clear up her lies, it could come back to bite me in the ass.   So I am stuck with letting her lie.  Makes me think about all those mean and personal obituaries people write about their parents when they die, and it makes me want to do the same LOL

So today, she NEEDED ME to take her to the store.  Yesterday, she called me TEN FUCKING TIMES when she couldn't get a hold of me because she had to get to the grocery store.  It was ridiculous.  Supposedly she was worried about me, but that's total BS.  She even called my hubby at work to see where I was (though he had stayed home yesterday because he was sick so he wasn't there to take her call, but when I finally called her later when I was home she told me about it). 

So today, I woke up my son to take her to the store.  Today she has a neurologist appointment and I could not bear to have to have her drag me around for hours on end at the grocery store, too.  So he took her instead.  *phew*  Some days, you need a break, even if it's only for part of the day.  Some days, you need to pawn off your crazy ass mother on other people, because if it takes a village to raise a child, doesn't it also take a village to help us out with the elderly, as well?  If not, it should. 

Because caretaking isn't only a one person job.  And if you have a narc mother who is elderly and needs help, that can literally burn you out faster than babysitting triplet newborns all by your lonesome.  And my son doesn't get annoyed with her as much as I do, so that also helps. 

But yeah.  That's where we're at right now.  Sitting here trying not to want to "fix things" because what my family thinks of me should not matter.  Hell, who knows what else my mom has said about us (and we all know she has) so who cares of if there is one more thing?

It's hard to let go of the outcome, especially when it's your mother who's the one perpetrating the lies.  It's hard to not want to lash out or get angry or walk away.  It's hard to just let it go. 

But I am working on it.