I've told her a 100 times that her driving is off the table FOREVER.  She will never get behind a wheel again.  And yet, every five minutes, she's bitching to either me or someone else that "she's going to get her car back and she's fine to drive".  *sigh*

On this past Friday, she went out with her friend to go eat dinner and I guess she was complaining the whole time (without her friend even bringing it up at all) that she was "fine to drive" and she wants her car back.  I swear, I am going to end up giving her car back to the dealer and just be done with it.  Yes, she is paying the insurance and car payments, but why the hell did she even buy it at all?

She bought a minivan in the summer of 1997.  She had it until a few years ago, and it was kind of falling apart, but not really.  It just needed to be fixed.  So, she gets it into her head (after he started with the beginning of both dementia and Parkinson's) to go and trade it in and buy a new car, with $250 a month car payments and almost $100 a month in insurance payments.  ?????????  Why??????

She didn't tell anyone, she just did it.  About a year after she bought it (or maybe it's not been quite a year yet?) she started not being able to stay in her lane and eventually started driving into oncoming traffic (which is VERY common for people with Parkinson's).  One day, she almost hit 4 cars and had me and on my children in the car with her.  After that, I refused to get into the car with her with my kids.  Then the few times I let her drive after that, she couldn't even go down the street without driving into oncoming traffic.  After that, I put my foot down and said "No more."

A few times, it got pretty hairy with her, her taking the keys from me when we were out and getting into the driver's seat and refusing to move (which would end with me screaming at her that we weren't going anywhere until she moved to the passenger's seat---which is so much fun for a person with bad anxiety to scream at someone in a public parking lot).  Or her constantly asking me for the keys while we're in public, thinking I'll give in, so she can go "turn the heat on"---even though it was 60 degrees out.

She just asked me for the keys the other day and said in front of the cashier "I promise I won't try to drive!"  So I just ignored her and just gave the keys to my son and said "Go take grandma out to the car."

I don't know when this is going to end, probably never, especially if I don't get rid of her car.  Maybe I can sell it?  It's a Ford Freestyle (that I hate) and needs a good home.  Interested??    But really, she bought it with dementia, I don't know how liable she'll be for having to pay back what she'll owe if I give it back to the dealership (I have power of attorney, so I can do this if needed).  But we'll see.  Frankly, I don't care because it's not worth keeping it.  But then, we're going to have to get a 2nd car for us (which we used to have, but our last second car broke years ago) so we can take her to all her appointments.  *sigh*  Everything always gotta be so complicated anymore.

But anyways, she needs to be actually diagnosed by her neurologist with dementia because if not, I don't know if the DMV  will take her license away (in our city your doctor has to have the last say so).

I am just waiting for her to have an all out crazy day and get so angry and confused that she can't drive that she calls the cops on me for taking her car (I always have it, she's not allowed to even have keys).  THAT will be a fun day.  And she's capable of it, she's done worse.

The next time I hear her bitching about not driving, I am going to flip.  I am so so so tired of it.  Though I will say that I pick and choose my battles anymore with her.  I can't have a repeat of that first summer, because nobody else can take her to the doctor but me and my immediate family.  So, I try to handle her with kid gloves: she's having a temper tantrum, let it pass and go on with life.

Yeah, so only time will tell.  Though her wanting to drive is getting more and more often, and something is going to have to happen soon.  I do have a paper for her doctor to fill out to take away her license, so we'll see when I have to actually have him fill it out and get it done.

Narcissists don't like to lose their freedom, and slowly, my mom's is being stripped away.  Not by my choice, mind you, it's just necessary.  That's why it can't be done all at once, or else all hell will break loose.  Just one thing at a time.  I also feel this is more respectful, also.  Does she deserve that respect?  Not really, but I am not her.  I don't need to hurt her in order to get her back for hurting me.  I am better than that.  I won't let other's behavior towards me influence my behavior towards them.  I refuse to stoop to their level (though I have in the past).  

So we'll see what happens next.

Let's hope it's nothing crazy...

UPDATE 2021: Oh more crazy DID happen.  And she bought ANOTHER car and I had to take her keys away again.  What fun!