If you're reading this, then you know exactly what I am talking about.  While the rest of the world is celebrating the wonderful ladies that gave them life, we're stuck over here freaking out about what to buy that doesn't "say" the wrong thing or if she should buy anything at all.  And for some of us, Mother's Day isn't only a day that brings great anxiety, but also dread, depression, sadness, sorrow, and for a small amount of us: all-out terror.

Luckily, I am not at that point with her this year.  It's still a game we're playing right now: she pretends to be nice because she needs my help and I pretend to be nice because I need her help.  We're civil, with her taking potshots at me an my family whenever she can.  We ignore it, as if she's a mentally ill child who doesn't know any better.

But no matter where you are at with your own narc mother, Mother's Day isn't so easy.  Both my hubby and I had to sit and look through oodles and oodles of cards to buy for our mothers that had the right wording on them.  Choosing "best mom ever!" or "Mom of the YEAR!" or something similar conveyed a message that we actually thought these things.  I ended up deciding on a card that said "Thanks for all you do" and my hubby got one that said "Hope your day is great".  And both of us used to take the time to have each of us sign each card (all four members of our immediate household) and now we just sign it ourselves, signing everyone else's names (me for my mom and him for his).  We're sending a message (even though a slightly hidden message) that they aren't worth our time to spend writing cutesy messages or have each person take part in their gifts.  My mom got a $.99 used picture frame with a pic I took of us in it earlier in the day and hubby's mom got a $4 petunia plant from Walmart.

My mother's birthday is tomorrow so I have an Xmas present I forgot to give her that she's getting tomorrow.  My birthday is a week from tomorrow and I worry she will ruin it, as she has for so many years (in 2006 she slapped in the face in front of my kids the day before my birthday and chased me around to attack me again while I called 911--who never answered).  I just hope it goes by without a hitch.

For each mom, we spent a total of 30 min. each with them on Mother's Day.  I used to plan huge things for my mom, once sending her on a scavenger hunt with my MIL at the time (she's my ex-MIL now) that included flowers, brunch, and a makeover.  Can you say codependent?  LOL  I was trying to win her love so badly, and all she did was complain how horrible it was.  She's ungrateful and LOVES to complain to make you feel bad, no matter what the issue/gift/etc. is.  That's why we're both done with grand gestures for our moms.  My mom is just rude and obnoxious and his mom loves to complain how" he almost killed her when he was born".  Yay.

Same will go for Father's Day with his dad.  It's only fun to celebrate Mother's and Father's Days between us and our kids.  And that goes for most holidays.

So, how was your Mother's Day?  If you're a mom, do you concentrate on you instead of her?  I hope so.  If you're not a mom, do you just ignore the day all together?  Or are you in a situation where you're forced to celebrate with her?  If so, what do you do?

The big question: How do you want this day to change for you?  What would make it better?



Let me know below.  And I hope it went by with good feelings and happiness.  If not, we get it.  We've all been there (or will be).  Just know you're not alone and we're all here for you.