The more I think about what my mother did, the angrier I get.  Did she not think about the repercussions to everyone in her life if she did this?  Granted, I know narcs don't care about long term things.  They don't think about the future, only the here and now.  But....I am just flabbergasted she thought she could get away with this for the rest of her life and not get caught.  Granted, I honestly believe she did forget, but at the same time, she knew exactly what she was doing to begin with.

And today, my family and I were discussing it and we came to realize something: if she goes broke trying to pay back all this money she kept, she will EXPECT us to help her.  But the thing is, when we were going through really hard times back when I started this blog, she got angry with me and left us to rot for however many months.  She never called to ask if were doing okay or if we needed any food.  Little did she know,  we were standing in line at the food pantries every single day just so we could eat.  We were so bad off, I had to even call a friend I barely knew to take me and my kids to the food pantry to go get food...it was so embarrassing, and she never really spoke to us again (though she was an old friend from childhood, so while we'd known each other since we were 13, we hadn't been really close most of that time).

So this has made up my mind, she doesn't deserve our help even if we could help her (which we can't).  And I don't feel bad about it.  YES, my mom has helped me since then....but, only because I am on her good side, pretending everything is okay and allowing her to be bitchy or make snide comments to us, all the while I ignore it.  If I were to speak my mind only one time?  I'd probably be on her shit list.

So yeah.  She can rot wherever she ends up.  I am not her, and I don't like to act like her, but I only sometimes act like her to HER, and nobody else.  Because while I want to rise above her, I don't think she deserves it in order for me to put my family in the way of her abusing us again.  Right now we have distance, but if she lived with us???  Good god, save us all.

I just won't do it.  I refuse.  And after thinking about all the shit she's put my family and I through?  I realize, I don't honestly feel bad about it.