Here is an exact post from a group I was in called "Therapy for Peace of Mind" which consisted of me and couple other people where we'd go to let off steam to bitch about stuff.  I was so, so, SO very angry about this when it happened, so pardon all the swear words:

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*sigh* So tomorrow I am supposed to go to (a city 2 hours away from us) to visit family. BUT I have 4 dogs and no sitter. I asked my mom today and this is what she did:

Her: Oh all FOUR of them? I dunno. That's a lot of work. I don't know if I can. Hmmmm yeah. Think about the gas. It will probably take you one tank to get there and one tank back, that's a lot of gas!  
(3 medium dogs and a chihuahua, mind you ONE OF THE BIGGER DOGS IS HERS!)

Me: It takes 2 tanks of gas to get to GEORGIA, MOM. Not Madison.
 (it takes 2 hours to get there)

Her: Well, yeah, but still. And if you come back late, it will be too late for me to handle the dogs.

(this is the SAME FUCKING EXCUSE she would use when we had our anxiety group meetings and I'd ask her to watch the kids when they were younger--"That's too late for me"--meaning EIGHT PM!!)

Me: We'll leave at 6 and be home by 8 or so.

Her: Well, yeah, maybe we can leave all the dogs there and I can come up there. I can take Homer though, he's easy.

 (I WILL NOT LET THIS CRAZY BITCH IN MY HOUSE ALONE!!)

Me: Yeah, maybe.

(NOT!)

Her: And think about it, why go all the way there?? Why not them come up here?

Me: There's nothing to do here, mom.  And they're having a get together, why would they come here?

Her: And you think there's more to do in Madison??!!!

(IS she fucking kidding me???? It's a college town. What in the holy fuck is wrong with her?)

Me: And having ALL those people in my house? Why would I want that? With four dogs? And I haven't prepared my house at all??

Her: Well, it IS Nate's only day off. You have to think about that. I mean, do you really want to spend all of his day off doing THAT?

Me: *sigh* Yes. Because it's FUN.

(I yelled the fun part. I was PISSED. How dare she think that my birthfamily isn't worth my husband's day off?? She's not even jealous about me seeing them, she's just being a bitch. This is how she acts over everything we want to do.)

Her: Oh good. I was just checking to make sure you'd be okay with that.

(WHY THE FUCK DOES SHE NEED TO CHECK ANYTHING?? ALL I ASKED HER TO DO WAS WATCH MY FUCKING DOGS!! NOT ASK HER GODDAMNED OPINION ABOUT MY FUCKING TRIP!)

Me: Okay then, I gotta go. Bye.

She said bye, but I hung up before she finished.

What. The. Holy. Fuck. She always does this, but I NEVER EVER EVER ask her to do anything for me EVER so she caught me off guard. For NEVER having to do shit for me, she sure is acting like I am putting her out!  AND she has my dogs at her house regularly, so why all of a sudden now is it an issue???  They don't even do anything, they are old and lazy!!

*sigh* What the fuck ever. So then she called me back immediately (I was on the phone with Nate) FIVE TIMES to apologize (cause this is what she does----she'll try really hard to pisssssss me off and then call me back and say "Oh I never meant I wouldn't do it for you, you know that!" trying to make me feel like I was overreacting. She must need some narcissistic supply and thought I was a good target. Fuck her. I got the kids up and we left the house immediately so she couldn't walk up to my house and talk to me. Fuck her, I am not talking to her till Monday. We aren't going tomorrow but I am going to tell her we did. Stupid idiot.

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And we did end up going and left the dogs home alone.  They were perfectly fine, had access to food and water.  AND there were NO accidents in the house!  LOL When my mom asked a week later when we're actually going to go, I said "We already did."  "Oh when?"  "That day we were going to go.  I just left the dogs at home".  "You know I would had watched them!"  "You said no.  So, I took that as no.  So next time, say yes when you mean yes." 


This was July 11, 2015 I posted it, so it was around that time we went down there.  Feels strange it was a whole year ago.  Anyways, she's the same person now, yeah.  Not much has changed LOL

Babysitting was always a huge deal for my mom.  She was always the victim and me asking her to watch my kids was, in her opinion, oppressive to her. 

When my kids were little, I was married to my ex.  I got three days off in the six years we were together.  I didn't go out with friends and do "adult" things, I did family stuff that included my kids and their kids.  Once, my inlaws babysat while I went out with my (narcissistic) cousins for the day on my 21st birthday.  We traveled out of town to a big mall (in which we ended up going to all the stores my cousins went to and they never asked me once where I wanted to go).  I was breastfeeding at the time, so it was a nightmare.

The second time I went out with my friends to a bar for my friend's 22nd birthday.  My ex stayed home with the kids and I got a call every ten minutes telling me the baby was crying and he needed me to come home.  My son was nine months old, not a teeny weeny baby.  I didn't drink that night because I was a) driving and b) still breastfeeding, so I was stuck watching my friends drink and listening to my phone constantly ring.  So much fun!

The last time time was having a GNO (girls night out) with a local mommy support group that I ran.  My ex took the boys overnight to his parents house while I had a bunch of girls over to play a girly board game. That night was actually fun.

But as you can see, none of them included my mom.  Once, she was supposed to take my oldest when he was around four months old.  We were going ice skating with my sister in law and our friend and what can you do with a little baby while ice skating?  But at the last minute, she called and said "Listen.  *dad yelling in background*  I can't take the baby.  Your dad has ruined it."  So we didn't let that stop us and took him anyways, and just all took turns watching him while the others skated.  I guarantee you, though, that my mom encouraged my father to drink so that she didn't have to take him.

Then when my oldest son was 2, I worked at a grocery store for a bit.  My mom said "Oh go ahead and take the job and I'll watch your son!"   That lasted for a few weeks, when my dad called me and said "Your mother can't do it anymore.  It's too much for her to handle."  Which it wasn't.  She didn't do shit with him, other than just literally watch him play by himself.  But I had to quit my job because she wouldn't watch him.  I don't get why she offered to watch him in the first place.

But that was probably the most she ever watched him.  And that was all of two weeks. 

But I am sure if you asked her, she'd tell you "Oh I babysat all the time!"  But me living with her and running to the store doesn't count.  That's not babysitting.  That's watching a kid for a few minutes while I got necessities to live our lives.  But for the most part, I always took my kids with me wherever I went, because she always bitched about having to watch them.

Then my (now) husband and I started going to an anxiety support group twice a month, and the kids were old enough to be left alone...no real babysitting involved.  But she only did it like twice, and never ever wanted to watch them so we could go.  That was the start of them being able to be home alone because she was trying to impede our mental health by denying us being able to go.

Funny.  She thinks that by saying no, we won't go to something, yet we do it anyways.  So her trying to control us?  Never works LOL

Take for example last year when I went to go see my birthfamily a couple hours away.  I needed her to watch our dogs (one was her dog that she gave us).  I have never ever said no to helping her out in any way whatsoever.  YET she said she could not do it because it was "too much" for her to do.  So we went anyways and let the dogs be in the air conditioned house alone.  And nobody peed on anything!  Yay!  But she was all like "Oh, I am sorry you guys couldn't go!" I said "Oh we went.  We just left the dogs home alone."  She replied "Oh my god, you know I would had actually done it if you really really wanted to go!"  (a copy of the actual conversation of her saying "no" you can find here).  I said back "If you meant yes, you would had said yes, instead you said no, so you meant no, ma.  I won't ask you to watch the dogs again, don't worry about it." And then I changed the subject.

She acts like she's such a great grandma, when she's just as bad as both my kids' other grandmas.  They are ALL narcissistic assholes, and my mom takes the fucking cake. 


Now my kids are old enough to babysit other kids, and soon, they can babysit my mother LOL  Not that they'd want to.

Funny how we got through life with only occasional babysitters, with only a few times being with her.  But she acts like she's been the reason we can do anything at all because she helped us so much with childcare LOL  *sigh*  She treats her grandkids no better than she treats my dogs. 

Which is pretty much the same as every other narc grandma out there. 




What about you?  How has your narc mother tried to control you with childcare or other things?  I know of many ones who do this regularly.  My advice:  NEVER depend on your narcissistic parents for help with babysitting.   NEVER.  Don't rely on them for much of anything at all, because they will always use it as a way to control your life and a way to fuck with you.  "Oh you NEED to be somewhere at a certain time?  Here, let me take forever getting ready/browsing/etc. so you're late" or "let me say yes to babysitting and then no at the last minute so I can ruin whatever you had planned".   Or whatever way they can control you.  I am just so tired of being her only child.  I wish someone else would step in and take over.  But there is nobody but me.  And I am not an asshole, so I have to take care of her. 

But some days.....I just look forward to one day being free of all of this.  And that means, when she goes to a home LOL

I am going to have to honestly say that my mom has bipolar disorder.  She's off her mania, and now onto the crabby, depressive state. 

Today she calls and says "You better be at home, because I need to go somewhere," on my answering machine.  LOL  Uhhhh yeah, I'll be calling you RIGHT back when you talk to me like that, ma.....I'll get right on it.

NOT.

Then I finally call her, and she told me I had something she needed and told me to call her back when I found it.  So I looked for hours because she told me it was in my purse, when it wasn't.  She wasn't even happy I found it, she was pissy.  Threatened to start driving again and tried to guilt me about not being able to drive herself.  I am sick of this shit.

Remember what I said?  I am pretty sure I blogged about it.  If she talks about driving one more time, I will have her license stripped.  And now she's done it.  So it's happening.  I am not going to play this game with her anymore. 

*sigh*  Now I have to take her places tomorrow and I am dreading it.  UGGGHHH.  Oh well.  Now I need to print out the papers to have her license taken away. 

AND I am going to make an appointment with a psych for her to get diagnosed as bipolar so she can get on the right meds.  Or maybe I can just move away and have nothing to do with her anymore??  Yay!! 

I wish.

Why can't she just be a sweet old lady?  *sigh*


(SIDENOTE:  Mother got a message from my father's sister (my aunt) asking about me, so we'll see what her response is....now that she's in her grouchy/depressive mood...I will update when I find out.)

So I have two teenage sons and she loves my youngest, but is constantly annoyed with my oldest.  No matter what he does, she's snapping at him, yelling at him, and just being all around mean to him.

Today we had to take her shopping.  It's a very hot day and we have no a/c in the car, so it's sticky, humid, and irritating.  So taking her today was not my idea of fun.

First off, she called me yesterday to take her shopping today.  I didn't answer the phone because I was busy, and I knew she wanted to ask me something, so I just put off calling her back.  She called back later in the afternoon, and she said "You never called me back." I said "Oh, you called? I didn't notice."  She said "Oh well, you never call me back, blah blah blah blah blah" in her sing-song voice, where she's pretending to be childish, but instead is really bitching.  I was so annoyed.  "Yes, what did you need?"  Then she asked me to go today, I said yes, and hurried her off the phone before she could ask to go early in the a.m. (she used to ALWAYS try to manipulate me to go as early as possible, but then she just stopped and accepted that we go places at eleven, period...now she's back to asking to go early again..arrgghh).

Everything was fine and dandy, but then she calls me at 8:30 am this morning.  I was awake, but I texted my husband "Oh hell no, she thinks we're going THIS early?"  It's not the fact she asks....that's not it.  I am fine with her asking to go early, what I am NOT fine with is when I say no (I always say no), she gets all pissy and bitchy and condescending and rude and I am not going to play that game with her.  I refuse to let her treat me like that.  She gets up at 5am, I get up at 8:30.  I am NOT leaving the damn house the moment I get up because

• a) I am effing tired (I have RLS so I sometimes can be exhausted when I wake up),
• b) I need to take my meds, 
• c) I take my meds and have to wait an hour to eat, 
• d) I need to eat breakfast because if I don't, she will drag me around ALL damn day with no food in my stomach and I have hypoglycemia and she bitches if anyone says they are hungry while we are out and about and 
• e) I am the one who is doing the driving, she will go when I say so, not the other way around because of issues a-d above.  

She HATES not being in control when she's in her moods (meaning when she cycles into her state of "persistent crab-ass").  When she's in UBER DUBER BOOBER mode (meaning when she's manic), she's fine with everyone doing whatever (you've probably read some of my other blogs talking about her odd behavior towards me when she's on a high mood....like getting all her friends to clap when I came into the kitchen from outside...it was so, so strange.....).
So, today I see she's reverting from UBER DUBER BOOBER mode back to her old crotchety-ass self.  Yay.  Yay for everyone.  Fuck.  I was hoping that manic high would stay forever, because it's been a REALLY long stretch this time.  Damn.

So today, with her crabby self, she was yelling (like how you'd yell at a dog when you catch them doing something wrong to stop them?) at us when she wanted our attention.  I dropped a bunch of catfood cans outside and went to go retrieve them and she screamed "BAH!!" or some other odd nose to get my attention to tell me to take something out to the car with me (instead of saying "Hey, can you should take this with you"), which I just kept on walking, cursing her as I did.  I have SPD (sensory processing disorder) and you don't scream vowel noises (or any other startling noises) at people who have it! LOL  My system can't handle that shit! haha  Uggghh....

She did the same noise when we pulled up, but 10x louder and scared both me and my son (who also has SPD) because her neighbor was outside in her backyard walking home because we weren't there.  She wanted her attention she screamed that noise really REALLY loudly hahaha!  WTF???  Good god, is that her new thing now??  I hope she doesn't start doing that in public! LOL

*sigh*  So yeah, had my younger son went with us today, it would had been fine and she would had been nicer.  BUT my older son has diarrhea of the mouth when he's with me without his brother (if is brother is there, they talk to each other) and he takes up all my attention (which is fine by me, I love talking to my kids).  She doesn't like that.  Mother has to be the center of attention, always. 

She also loves to tell him what to do when he drives, but then again, she does that to me and my husband as well LOL

Mother: "Turn here.  TURN HERE!"
Dax: "I KNOW, GRANDMA!!  STOP YELLING AT ME!"
Mother: "Oh, well, I am sorry, I just thought you didn't know" *condescending tone*
Dax: "I've been this way a THOUSAND TIMES, how would I not know how to get out of a freaking parking lot???"

Then he and I giggle at her and she shuts the eff up.  LOL



Then she's quiet the whole ride home and acts huffy about everything.  THEN in a snap, she acts normal again.  It's so very odd.  And annoying.  And completely insane. 

When my youngest goes with us?  He's very introverted and quiet and does whatever granny says without saying a word.  She LOVES that so much.  And she offers to buy him things all the time, and hugs him, and says thank you directly to him (when it's Dax and me, she says "thank you guys!" to both of us while we're leaving).  My youngest is showed that his grandma loves him.  Kind words.  Hugs, etc.  Whereas Dax knows he's not loved, he's just tolerated by her.  It's so sad to me, but Dax understands why.

There is a price you pay for not taking your mother's (or grandmother's) shit.  You are the scapegoat.  If you are quiet and ignore her crazy, you are the golden child.  Simple as that.  Dax and I don't take her shit.  I take it more than he does, but still...my husband is her golden child, not me (even though I am an only child). This conversation proves it and it's probably happened at least 10 times with various people:

Any random stranger or friend my mom is talking to: *I walk into the room* "Oh, I hear your husband is a writer!!"
Me: "Yes, he is.  He and I both have the same amount of books published, but he's a writer, yes."
Stranger/Friend:  "Oh, you're a writer, too?  Your mom didn't mention that." 
Me: *thinks* Of course she didn't.  "She has a bad memory, she's (while making a silly facial expression) getting up there and can't remember things like she used to." *giggle*  "Right ma?"
Mother: "Ha. Ha.  You make fun of me but at least I know your name!"  *laughs*  "Where am I?  Who are you people?"
We all laugh and forget that my mom has no intention, ever, of bragging about me to others, only about my husband.

I am the type of person who lightens a mood.  If you're rude to me? I will make you laugh.  I will also make the entire room laugh.  At you.  But you're laughing too, to make up for the fact that everyone now knows you're being rude to me, but we're laughing together, so it doesn't matter anymore.  The mood is lightened and not awkward anymore.  I don't need to act like a pouty baby when someone doesn't acknowledge me or is acting like a jerk to me.  I will just make a joke out of it and move on.  Because me looking like a baby about their bad behavior isn't worth it.  AND we all know damn well if you defend yourself in front of a narc, they will make it out to be "I didn't mean anything by it....you're just being so sensitive!"  So instead, turn their idiotic game into a game right back at them.  Turn them into the joke, instead of you.

It works every single time.



Well, off to go clean my house.  And decompress from all that joyful fun of having go shopping with mother.  LOL  *sigh*  Why can't shopping just be shopping?  Because it's with a narc, that's why.  And nothing is simple when they are involved.

These two happened around 2000 or so.



Mom: You do realize you have your couch over your heat vent on the floor.

Me: Yes.  And my house is still heated, it's fine.

Mom: Oh, so you obviously don't give a shit about your child (I only had one at the time) if your house burns down, right? 

Me: *sigh*  Well, that's mean.  And heating vents aren't on fire mom, how the hell could it start a fire on my couch? *laughs*  If they could start fires, every house would be burning down.

Mom: Well, I guess you're a great mom, then. 

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Now, this same conversation happened at a different time in the same apartment when it had to do with stuff being too close to a lighbulb in my closet.  I did move that stuff because I know that bulbs can burn things.  But there's never a need to attack someone's parenting over a mistake like that LOL  *sigh*  I think deep down she knew I was a better parent than her and it just made her feel good to down me so she could feel better about herself. 

Oh and the vent thing?  My mom moved into that same apartment years later and put a couch over that same vent LOL 

I am going to put random narcissistic conversations with my mom on the blog as I remember them.  This one happened in or around 2008.

Me: (my ex had stopped seeing my kids even though he had shared custody with me) I can't believe he doesn't want to see them anymore.  He went from having them every Friday to now not seeing them at all.

Mother: I don't feel sorry for you.  Nobody else in the universe gets every Friday night away from their kids.  I don't feel sorry for you at all.  You expect too much.

Me: *taken aback by her random and idiotic comment* Huh?  What do you mean?  Most divorced parents have the other parent take the children every other weekend for the entire weekend.  So your point makes no sense.

Mother: But you and your husband get every single Friday night off from being parents.  Nobody else in the world has that, so I don't feel sorry for you.  You need to stop complaining about it.
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Leave it to a narc mom to see the most selfish part in wondering why your children's father doesn't want anything to do with your kids anymore.