Babysitting was always a huge deal for my mom.  She was always the victim and me asking her to watch my kids was, in her opinion, oppressive to her. 

When my kids were little, I was married to my ex.  I got three days off in the six years we were together.  I didn't go out with friends and do "adult" things, I did family stuff that included my kids and their kids.  Once, my inlaws babysat while I went out with my (narcissistic) cousins for the day on my 21st birthday.  We traveled out of town to a big mall (in which we ended up going to all the stores my cousins went to and they never asked me once where I wanted to go).  I was breastfeeding at the time, so it was a nightmare.

The second time I went out with my friends to a bar for my friend's 22nd birthday.  My ex stayed home with the kids and I got a call every ten minutes telling me the baby was crying and he needed me to come home.  My son was nine months old, not a teeny weeny baby.  I didn't drink that night because I was a) driving and b) still breastfeeding, so I was stuck watching my friends drink and listening to my phone constantly ring.  So much fun!

The last time time was having a GNO (girls night out) with a local mommy support group that I ran.  My ex took the boys overnight to his parents house while I had a bunch of girls over to play a girly board game. That night was actually fun.

But as you can see, none of them included my mom.  Once, she was supposed to take my oldest when he was around four months old.  We were going ice skating with my sister in law and our friend and what can you do with a little baby while ice skating?  But at the last minute, she called and said "Listen.  *dad yelling in background*  I can't take the baby.  Your dad has ruined it."  So we didn't let that stop us and took him anyways, and just all took turns watching him while the others skated.  I guarantee you, though, that my mom encouraged my father to drink so that she didn't have to take him.

Then when my oldest son was 2, I worked at a grocery store for a bit.  My mom said "Oh go ahead and take the job and I'll watch your son!"   That lasted for a few weeks, when my dad called me and said "Your mother can't do it anymore.  It's too much for her to handle."  Which it wasn't.  She didn't do shit with him, other than just literally watch him play by himself.  But I had to quit my job because she wouldn't watch him.  I don't get why she offered to watch him in the first place.

But that was probably the most she ever watched him.  And that was all of two weeks. 

But I am sure if you asked her, she'd tell you "Oh I babysat all the time!"  But me living with her and running to the store doesn't count.  That's not babysitting.  That's watching a kid for a few minutes while I got necessities to live our lives.  But for the most part, I always took my kids with me wherever I went, because she always bitched about having to watch them.

Then my (now) husband and I started going to an anxiety support group twice a month, and the kids were old enough to be left alone...no real babysitting involved.  But she only did it like twice, and never ever wanted to watch them so we could go.  That was the start of them being able to be home alone because she was trying to impede our mental health by denying us being able to go.

Funny.  She thinks that by saying no, we won't go to something, yet we do it anyways.  So her trying to control us?  Never works LOL

Take for example last year when I went to go see my birthfamily a couple hours away.  I needed her to watch our dogs (one was her dog that she gave us).  I have never ever said no to helping her out in any way whatsoever.  YET she said she could not do it because it was "too much" for her to do.  So we went anyways and let the dogs be in the air conditioned house alone.  And nobody peed on anything!  Yay!  But she was all like "Oh, I am sorry you guys couldn't go!" I said "Oh we went.  We just left the dogs home alone."  She replied "Oh my god, you know I would had actually done it if you really really wanted to go!"  (a copy of the actual conversation of her saying "no" you can find here).  I said back "If you meant yes, you would had said yes, instead you said no, so you meant no, ma.  I won't ask you to watch the dogs again, don't worry about it." And then I changed the subject.

She acts like she's such a great grandma, when she's just as bad as both my kids' other grandmas.  They are ALL narcissistic assholes, and my mom takes the fucking cake. 


Now my kids are old enough to babysit other kids, and soon, they can babysit my mother LOL  Not that they'd want to.

Funny how we got through life with only occasional babysitters, with only a few times being with her.  But she acts like she's been the reason we can do anything at all because she helped us so much with childcare LOL  *sigh*  She treats her grandkids no better than she treats my dogs. 

Which is pretty much the same as every other narc grandma out there. 




What about you?  How has your narc mother tried to control you with childcare or other things?  I know of many ones who do this regularly.  My advice:  NEVER depend on your narcissistic parents for help with babysitting.   NEVER.  Don't rely on them for much of anything at all, because they will always use it as a way to control your life and a way to fuck with you.  "Oh you NEED to be somewhere at a certain time?  Here, let me take forever getting ready/browsing/etc. so you're late" or "let me say yes to babysitting and then no at the last minute so I can ruin whatever you had planned".   Or whatever way they can control you.  I am just so tired of being her only child.  I wish someone else would step in and take over.  But there is nobody but me.  And I am not an asshole, so I have to take care of her. 

But some days.....I just look forward to one day being free of all of this.  And that means, when she goes to a home LOL