She calls me on Saturday while I am at Walmart and says "I don't even know if I want to hear it."  Not one ounce of concern in her voice or asking, "Is everyone okay?  What happened?"  Nope, she was just angry and was thinking about how much her insurance rates would go up.

Earlier in the day, I backed up into my alley to leave to go to Walmart and backed into my neighbor's car who was turning in from the street.  I gave him our insurance (in her name) and he called and made a claim immediately (I thought he was going to get it checked out first).  I didn't call her right away, because why?  It wasn't a big deal, but even if it was, I would never call her asap.  Because of the above scenario: she could care less if anyone got hurt.  She had no idea how bad the accident was or if anyone was hurt, the insurance only called to make sure we had permission to be using her car.  That's it.  Her car only has scratches on it, very tiny ones at that.  Another reason if it had been bad that I still would not call her because I don't want her knowing my business.  Yes, it's her car, but if someone was hurt?  She would not be the first person I'd call.  Because she's a total bitch and doesn't deserve the time of day from me or my family.

I HAVE to deal with her when I have to, but that's it.  I will not bother with her more than I HAVE to because she doesn't deserve me giving her more than a fart in the wind.  And even that is too much.

I know, I sound bitter, but today I was going through my "Will I Ever Be Good Enough" workbook and rereading everything I wrote down.  I should really finish that book.  It may help me work out my anger towards her.  When, on Saturday, she didn't even ask if we were okay, that really sealed the deal for the present.  I've already been really angry with her, to the point of feeling numb, but then she did that.  It just cements in my head all over again just how much she doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself.  It's quite disgusting.  And makes me angry all over again.

Then on Saturday she wanted me to come over and put away her yard table and chairs and take out her air conditioning.  I told her I would, but never said when.  I came on Monday and she was annoyed, "I was waiting all Sunday!"  "I never said I was coming on Sunday."  "I thought I made it clear on Saturday I wanted you to come Sunday."  I, then, changed the subject on her.  We had already put her table and chairs away before she even knew we were there, thank god, otherwise she'd come out to boss us around.  Then she bitched I hadn't brought the car down so she could see the scratches.  I said a) there's nothing to see and b) our other car has a flat tire so my husband had to take her car to work.  Then five minutes later she was bitching I didn't bring the car down.  "Ma, I JUST told you, ours has a flat tire."  "Then WHO has MY car then??"  *sigh*  Her dementia is literally getting THAT bad, ladies and gents.  Not to mention her telling me the same stories over and over and over again for the past few weeks.  Each time, she changes something....making herself sound better and better.

Of course, right?  I mean, even her dementia is laced with her narcissism.


I am supposed to be caring for my ailing mother, mourning the loss of her memory and being sad because I know what's coming next.  But, instead, I am stuck with this woman, who I can't wait till she goes in a home.  You know in some countries, you HAVE to take care of your parents when they age?  It's the law.  HAHAHAHAHAHA fuck that.  So glad we live in the good 'ol USA where you can dump your asshole narcissistic parent in a home where THEY do all the work and you can visit when you want (if you want).

She once told me I wasn't allowed to dis-invite people from her funeral, because it's not about me, it's about them.  Funny, she thinks people will actually show up.  The way she's pissed off so many people with her awful mouth, I will be surprised if anyone comes other than me and my hubby and kids.

And yes, I will dis-invite whomever I please, thank you very much.  Actually, I will make the service private, and people will have to call to attend, that way no surprises happen and crazy people don't show up.

It helps the anxiety go away when thinking about when she dies if I plan what I am going to do for her funeral ahead of time, that way I am prepared for when the time comes.  Because thinking about my extended family coming or her old step-kids or her dead husband's friends showing up?  Makes me sick with anxiety.  Ick.  Better to plan it out now, so we know exactly what's going to happen when the time eventually comes.  But by then, none of my family or those other people will even remember she exists.

Yeah, so that was my weekend.  Mother caring more about her car insurance going up than if were okay.  Nice, eh?  Irritating, but not surprising.  As usual.