My mom is so nice to me.  Though it's Tuesday and I haven't talked to her since Wednesday's Thanksgiving (we had it a day early).  She's broke and doesn't need anything from me, so she doesn't call.  I am going to give her a call in order squash my growing anxiety, wondering if she's angry with me (though, why should I even care?)

But, back to what I was saying.  She's been so very nice to me, especially on holidays.  When she has no leverage against me, she's always nice.  Uber nice.  It's not as far as the "clapping as I walked into the room" crap (as you can go back and read about in previous posts), but it's close.

So, we're sitting there, having Thanksgiving, everyone's being so nice.  Almost like a real family.  And rather than sucking it up, like I used to..."Mommy really DOES love me!", I am actually pissed deep down inside.  Well, it's not that deep.  Surfacely, I am nice back, happy even.  But just right below that surface layer, is my seething anger.  Not ready to bubble to the surface or anything.  Just....like a calm pool of anger and resentment.  Knowing the truth makes for a poor holiday. Knowing what she's capable of.  Knowing that if she didn't need me, she'd be being a horrible bitch to me instead (which is her normal holiday behavior). 

*sigh*  I am just so tired of this fake ass charade we all have to pretend.  Oh well.  I will get by.  I will deal with it.  I will put up with it.  Because that's my only choice right now.

Though I am going to put her in her place about calling my kids' father "the sperm donor" to their faces.  What a bitch.  Right at the Thanksgiving table, too.  Calling my kids traitors because they were spending real Thanksgiving with him.  Jokingly, but not okay.  And that's not going to happen anymore.  Period. 

So, at least that gives me pleasure knowing I can get smart assy with her about something, at least LOL  *sigh*  So sad, right?  When you live to find things justifiable to be mad about with your mother? haha  Yeah, well, it makes me feel better.  ;)  I'll let you know what happens.