So, two weeks ago yesterday, I went no contact.  I haven't heard from her, thank goodness.  No letters in my mailbox, and considering what I told her in my email, I don't think she would be stupid enough to do so.

So, I have to admit something to you guys.  I had the wise idea yesterday that I was 100% FOR REAL going to send my mom an anniversary card for the 11 year anniversary of her slapping me in the face the day before my birthday (which is coming up here in a couple weeks).  I wanted to give her a reminder of what exactly went down (since she has such a "terrible memory" (try, a gaslighting memory) and to remind her of the mess she made with my life.  Her birthday is in a few days, so is mother's day, and I had a feeling she may deserve a card.  But instead, I want to send her this one. 

And I still think I am going to.  Now, I know, I know, I know this is wrong.....no contact means NO CONTACT.  I get it.  BUT....hear me out on this....why should she get to get away with abusing me?  Why should she get away with being able to physically assault me and then forget she did it?

What am I hoping to get out of this?  Actually, nothing.  I know this won't change her.  And I know she will try to find a way to use it against me.  But I don't care anymore.  I have no attachment to the outcome.  I just don't think she should be able to get away with hurting me like that (in front of my 3 and 7 year old, so she hurt them, too).  So before you think "Oh god, you're stupid, Girl Lost....why would you send her anything?", which I honestly think is probably true LOL  But I have a formula in place to cancel out any ramifications (though I know there still are some I haven't thought about):

I will not write anything but facts.  No feelings.  Just a reminder with 100% facts.  No accusations.  Nothing. 

So, now for my big news:

I am starting a youtube channel. AND I will no longer be anonymous.  I am not hiding anymore.  I am done with that.  I made my first video yesterday, and will be upping it this weekend and I will be provide you guys a link to go watch it.  It's LONG, but I hope it will be worth it.  And the video is about this very thing: writing this anniversary card and what it means to be to be able to do it.  So before you think I am crazy, watch the video and see if you agree with me.  It's okay if you don't, if you think I am nuts....but I need to do this for myself.  My mom has shit on me for 40 years.  And now?  I am done with it.  And I need to process it my way.

And I hope to inspire some of you to take a stand against your own abuser(s) whenever and however you can 💖