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Either Way, I Lose

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I wrote this poem on my poetry blog back on 3-19-14.
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Either Way, I Lose


I am not going to pretend my life didn't exist because it inconveniences you
That's not my game
You are not my master, my servant, nor my God
And I am not to blame
Just because my reality doesn't fit in with your brutality
You can't pick and choose
Either my life happened or it didn't
Either way I lose
Its simple bitch, its simpler than you think
You were a bad mother
Even if you deny it, no matter how you untie it
There is no other
You were supposed to be there, you were supposed to protect me
But you didn't
You chose not to, you turned a blind eye
You tried to keep it all hidden
But then I wrote a blog, I outed you and your scandal
And you totally freaked out
It made everything come the surface, your neighbors knew your indiscretions
But in their minds you casted doubt!
You told them I was crazy, you told them I was mad
And they believed you
You said I was a slut when I was raped
That I somehow deceived you
That somehow my own pain, my own sorrow
Was made up and playing pretend
You said nothing ever happened, that "dad never hit you nor me"
And you said it was him you would always defend!
So just like in chess, the Queen always protects her King
Except this isn't a game
The only thing you are queen of is lies
My words you cannot tame!
So its like this, I will not stand down and hide
You don't own me
How to be a horrible woman and mother and friend
Is all you've shown me
But somehow I learned to be better than you
Even despite your transgressions
I became a better parent and wife and person
Without your confessions
I don't have to live in your shadow or in your world
I can pretend just like you
Fake a smile, ask about your day
But as mother and daughter we're through
Because even if you own up or you don't
Even if you pay your dues
Whether you want to accept reality or not
Either way.............I lose.
(c) 2014 Girl Lost


About Post Author

Living life with with a narcissistic parent is one of the hardest things a child can do. Because narcissism doesn't stop with mom and dad, it usually bleeds through the entire extended family dymanic. And the abuse travels with us into adulthood, usually either until the narcissist dies or we go no contact. And usually, our abuse is never talked about, for fear of retaliation or judgment. So I am breaking my silence and showing the world what my mother's abuse looks like so maybe others will feel strong enough to do the same.

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Welcome to Girl Lost.


I am a daughter of a narcissistic mother, one of way too many in this world. If you're here, then you have one too. I hope by reading my words someone out there will realize they aren't alone.

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