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Either Way, I Lose

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I wrote this poem on my poetry blog back on 3-19-14.
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Either Way, I Lose


I am not going to pretend my life didn't exist because it inconveniences you
That's not my game

You are not my master, my servant, nor my God
And I am not to blame

Just because my reality doesn't fit in with your brutality
You can't pick and choose

Either my life happened or it didn't
Either way I lose

Its simple bitch, its simpler than you think
You were a bad mother

Even if you deny it, no matter how you untie it
There is no other

You were supposed to be there, you were supposed to protect me
But you didn't

You chose not to, you turned a blind eye
You tried to keep it all hidden

But then I wrote a blog, I outed you and your scandal
And you totally freaked out

It made everything come the surface, your neighbors knew your indiscretions
But in their minds you casted doubt!

You told them I was crazy, you told them I was mad
And they believed you

You said I was a slut when I was raped
That I somehow deceived you

That somehow my own pain, my own sorrow
Was made up and playing pretend

You said nothing ever happened, that "dad never hit you nor me"
And you said it was him you would always defend!

So just like in chess, the Queen always protects her King
Except this isn't a game

The only thing you are queen of is lies
My words you cannot tame!

So its like this, I will not stand down and hide
You don't own me

How to be a horrible woman and mother and friend
Is all you've shown me

But somehow I learned to be better than you
Even despite your transgressions

I became a better parent and wife and person
Without your confessions

I don't have to live in your shadow or in your world
I can pretend just like you

Fake a smile, ask about your day
But as mother and daughter we're through

Because even if you own up or you don't
Even if you pay your dues

Whether you want to accept reality or not
Either way.............I lose.

(c) 2014 Girl Lost


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