I've realized that the number one thing we all need to learn to be happy in life is to release ourselves from the attachment to other people's choices.

How many times have you cruised the narcissist(s) in your life's Facebook page and see all the things they are doing without us and thought "They never invite us to do all this fun stuff, they must hate us" or heard about something they did without and thought the same thing?  On the radio, a local DJ's parents had their 50th wedding anniversary party and never even told him.  A friend of mine's brother got married and nobody told him about it.  My own old BFF got married and never told me about it (even though she was maid of honor at my wedding).  My cousins went to Wisconsin Dells with my other cousins and never even told me about it to go with.  And that same cousin as an adult invited me to Great America as a kid, and then went without me (I found out later because of something she bought there was up on her wall). And when I was married to my ex, his sister went to the zoo constantly with her mother and they never invited our kids (though when we went to the zoo, we always invited them).

These things are done to hurt us.  On purpose.  The narcissists in our lives are always doing things to us, usually by exclusion, in order to send us a message: we are not worthy of inclusion.  Their choices hurt us, and we internalize that as that we are not good enough to be included.  So, what can we do to stop feeling this way?

Well, I've made the decision to stop being attached to their choices.  My mother constantly (to this exact moment) refuses to "remember" that any abuse ever took place in my childhood.  This has hurt me for so long and it made me feel that I was not worthy enough to stand up for, or remember how horrible my life was as child.  But recently, I've come to realize, that she's not hurting me.  I am.  I am attached to her choice to "forget".  I need to let go of that attachment, and let her make whatever choice she wants to make.  Because HER choice doesn't mean jack shit about me.  Just like my old BFF's choice, or my cousin's choices.   It simply doesn't matter.  Their choices do not reflect on me, unless I make them reflect on me.  And I can't do that anymore.  I need to stop making their choices be about me, and put them squarely where they belong: ON THEM.  Period.

YOU choose to exclude me?  Well, that makes YOU look bad, not me.  I don't need your approval in order to feel good about myself.  What I need to do instead is make choices of my own that are best for my life and my family's lives.  Because that's all that matters.  And my choices are to go full no contact with anyone who's toxic to mine and my family's lives.

That's it.  I know it sounds easier said than done, but every single time you're presented with a situation like this?  Remember this mantra:

I release my attachment of your choice.  

Don't internalize someone else's choices as there is something wrong with you, and that's why they made that choice.  Their choice has nothing to do with you at all.  NOTHING.  Even if they were doing it on purpose to hurt you.


I suggest you read this AMAZING book by Don Miguel Ruiz "The Voice of Knowledge".  It will change your thinking, and in turn, change your life.