Today my mother told our mutual friend that I will regret not having her in my life before she dies. That I will be sad and regret not making up. Well, here's what I have to say about that!
Living life with with a narcissistic parent is one of the hardest things a child can do. Because narcissism doesn't stop with mom and dad, it usually bleeds through the entire extended family dymanic. And the abuse travels with us into adulthood, usually either until the narcissist dies or we go no contact. And usually, our abuse is never talked about, for fear of retaliation or judgment. So I am breaking my silence and showing the world what my mother's abuse looks like so maybe others will feel strong enough to do the same.
Have just discovered your blog :) I'm 37 and have only in the past year put a name to the relationship I have with my mother. All the pieces have suddenly fallen into place and I see things so differently now. It's a relief to finally understand what went so wrong. But anyway - this topic is something I think of a lot. How I will feel later on. I love my mum. I've also stopped contact with her. I want more but know I won't get more, not on terms I'm willing to accept. There's a lot of undercurrent talk within the extended family at the moment that something is wrong with mum's health, and "she'd tell you if you bothered to talk to her" - her words obviously... who else says shit like that? I know it's all bullshit because if something was really wrong she'd be rapping on my windows waving a flag with a great excuse for me to pay attention to her again. But the guilt that maybe I'm wrong...Argggh the guilt! I need to read more of your posts to find out how you've come to this place in your life.
Hey Megan! I know just how you feel. And I think this is huge thing that a LOT of us adult children of narcissists think about. And it's only because we are capable of real love, whereas they are not. It's what makes us human. But there comes a point when their behavior numbs you so much that you realize, you may miss who she should have been, rather than who she is, when she's gone.
I am a daughter of a narcissistic mother, one of way too many in this world. If you're here, then you have one too. I hope by reading my words someone out there will realize they aren't alone.
Have just discovered your blog :) I'm 37 and have only in the past year put a name to the relationship I have with my mother. All the pieces have suddenly fallen into place and I see things so differently now. It's a relief to finally understand what went so wrong. But anyway - this topic is something I think of a lot. How I will feel later on. I love my mum. I've also stopped contact with her. I want more but know I won't get more, not on terms I'm willing to accept. There's a lot of undercurrent talk within the extended family at the moment that something is wrong with mum's health, and "she'd tell you if you bothered to talk to her" - her words obviously... who else says shit like that? I know it's all bullshit because if something was really wrong she'd be rapping on my windows waving a flag with a great excuse for me to pay attention to her again. But the guilt that maybe I'm wrong...Argggh the guilt! I need to read more of your posts to find out how you've come to this place in your life.
ReplyDeleteHey Megan! I know just how you feel. And I think this is huge thing that a LOT of us adult children of narcissists think about. And it's only because we are capable of real love, whereas they are not. It's what makes us human. But there comes a point when their behavior numbs you so much that you realize, you may miss who she should have been, rather than who she is, when she's gone.
DeleteGreat blog you havve
ReplyDelete