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She sends you a 16th birthday card and uses it as a way to further her "victimized" agenda.





Today has proved that my mother is still a huge C U Next Tuesday!!



Today I opened my mailbox to find my only piece of mail is a 16th birthday card from my mother to my son.  I gave him the option to open it, because he's 16 and I can't just make decisions for him.  It's his birthday, that would be really overstepping if I just threw it away.  So I handed him the card, he opened it, and literally read it front to back.  Then he threw it at me and said "She hand picked this card because she wants to prove a point.  She couldn't even pick a card I'd like...it's all about her.  Here, read it." 

So I did. 

I was expecting a letter, but no.  It was all just printed from the card manufacturer that read something like (paraphrasing):


"Dearest Grandson,

We may not be able to see each other as often as we like,
Things in life may keep us apart,
But I want you to know that I am thinking of you on this day,
And every day."


Now, it was a LOT longer than that...it was a few pages long.  But this is pretty much the concept. 

*sigh*  My oldest, his brother, got $150 from her on his 16th birthday.  Cash.  That's what she's known for: huge sums of money on birthdays. 

But because of being no contact, I knew this year she'd send nothing.  My son also knew this.  We expected her to send no card at all.  We hoped she wouldn't.  But instead, she sends a shitty card as if to say "I don't care enough about you to send you a card you'd like, or one that fit your personality at all, and while I normally give everyone money for their birthday, I am going to make a show out of not giving you anything all by sending you a card with nothing in it".  It was a card sent for HER, not my son.  So this goes to show that she will stoop even lower than normal (or maybe this is her normal?).  I mean, who does that to kid on their 16th birthday? 

AND he's her golden child!

If they can treat their golden child like this, imagine what she will do to the rest of us?  (well, nothing, after she gets her next piece of mail of from me...read on to find out my plan...)

Funny thing?  He's not even offended or even mad.  He was laughing when he read the card and threw in jest after reading it.  He thinks she's a toddler in a 70 year old body and he has such great self-esteem that he knows this has nothing to do with him at all.  He isn't taking it personally.

I, on other hand, am beyond pissed.  But that's what she wants, isn't it?  But seeing how my son is taking it makes me beyond happy. That he's so self-confident that it doesn't affect his self-worth to have an adult use his birthday in that way.  If that had been me at 16, I would have been beyond hurt (my 16th birthday sucked horribly....no party, nothing, just sitting home watching TV).

So rather than react irrationally and do something stupid, I have decided that she has broken my rule of absolutely no contact whatsoever.  This is something I spelled out in her "sending off" email I sent back in April.  And she's broken it more than once (driving past my house honking, another time driving past and yelling, and yesterday, she actually called me--thank goodness my phone caught it and blocked her!!). 

So, this is the last straw.  Had the card been something he liked, or even had something written by her that was nice, I would have ignored it.  But it wasn't, and the only words written by her was her signature.  This shows that the card was 100% a manipulation trying to guilt my son (or me?) into contacting her again.

I am going to send her a cease and desist letter.

This means, that the cease and desist is the last piece of correspondence I will send her before I get a restraining order on her.  This is a legal warning (usually drawn up by a lawyer, but you can send one yourself), that states "cease your behavior, or else you will face legal ramifications that are spelled out in this letter".  It's all legal jargon, no emotion, so it's perfectly fine to send one of these to your parents if they won't stop contacting you, as it won't break your choice of going no contact (meaning, it doesn't count as contact). 

She thinks I am playing a game here.  And why wouldn't she?  All she knows are games.  She thinks my not speaking to her is a ploy to....well, I have no idea.  Punish her?  But hopefully this cease and desist will show her I am 100% NOT playing any kind of game, and she cannot just do what she wants when it comes to me or my family. 

My job is to protect my family and I'll be damned if I am going to let this woman disrupt my family's 6 months (so far) of peace. 

aka C U Next Tuesday

Have you ever had to take legal action against your parents?  I hope it doesn't come to that.  I hope she reads my cease and desist and just obeys its directions.