We watched this movie today on Amazon Prime.  And wow.  That was on of the best movies I've seen in a long time!  And we watch loads of movies at our house.  Even my kids loved it.  I own her book, but never have read it.  I like watching movies before I read the book so that way nothing ever ruins the book (or the movie) that way.  It was powerful, kind, and everything we children of abusive parents wish for: good times and some very heavy closure.  

Now, I realize, that the book and the movie are not telling us the whole story.  There may be details she didn't want to share or possibly details forgotten throughout the years.  So I am not comparing my own story to hers in a way that is saying she had it better.  Of course she didn't have it better.  She lived her life and had to deal with starving for days at a time and other horrible atrocities, which is something I never had to deal with.  My life was pretty secure when it came to getting our bills paid (sort of), always having food on the table, living in one place for my entire childhood, and having clean clothes and a bed to sleep on.

Her father, like mine, was a very good man deep down inside.  Hers was the opposite of mine when it came to speaking: mine was silent and hardly ever praised me.  Both of our fathers had dealt with childhood trauma (possibly being molested) which they covered up with alcohol.   Her father definitely seemed to be bipolar, whereas mine had major depressive disorder.  Her father was educationally brilliant, mine was musically brilliant.  We both had nicknames they bestowed upon us we carried from childhood to adulthood: hers was Mountain Goat and mine was Bucky.  Both of our fathers physically abused our mothers when inebriated.  Yet her father sounded exactly like my mother when she confronted him about her childhood, almost word for word (which was gaslighting, a narcissistic trait--something her father didn't seem to be), and my father was always so readily able to admit when he did something wrong and apologize.  Although, my father sounded just like hers in that sense, but instead of saying "This is the last time, it will be different from now on" about moving, my father would say it about his violent outbursts when he drank.  And for both us, while our fathers meant it in the moment, they never held to their words.  I don't fault either for this, as our fathers were both good, yet so very flawed, humans, who were both incapable of keeping promises due to their mental illnesses.

We both sat with our fathers as they lay dying.  Her father readily admitted how much he fucked up, whereas mine barely spoke to me.  I watched the movie, with Jeanette's father's deathbed closure and I started really crying, because I wish I would have had the same experience.  But not only that, I cried for her father, because I knew that if he could have done better, he would have.  The way he's portrayed in the movie, you could tell, despite all of his flaws, he really did love his children.  Like, truly and honestly loved them.  He was broken, and didn't know how to fix himself.  He regretted so much because he knew he wouldn't get a do dover and that was it.  It was a fucked up way to have to live.  And this made me think of my own father.  Despite his silence on his deathbed, I knew he regretted it all.  He just wasn't a talker or a person who would open up to anyone.  But his heartfelt notes he left me after every single outburst told me that he knew was regret felt like.  My dad could admit his faults and his love in letters.  He used to write my mother poetry and hundreds of letters when he was in the Airforce.  But she burned them all after he died, as if erasing proof of his love would ease her grief (which didn't work, but the massive amounts of beer she ingested sort of helped).

Her mother was similar to my mother in some ways.  Both were codependent on their alcoholic abusive husbands.  Both were neglectful (in different ways).  Neither one worked.  But beyond that, the similarities stopped.  My mother was very verbally and emotionally abusive.  She wasn't creative in the least (the author's mother is an artist, the type that HAS to create or else they can't function).  And my mother wasn't just codependent, she has NPD, which made my father codependent on her (although he wasn't a narc, just an addict).  The author's mother doesn't seem to have NPD, but again, like I said, many details may have been left out, especially because her mother is still living (or at least was when the movie came out).

Anyone who's grown up in a dysfunctional family should watch this movie (and even people who haven't).  Even if you're not wanting to forgive either or one of your parents, this movie will help you understand mental illness a little bit better. While this story doesn't touch on narcissism, it does help one to see just how much mental damage is caused by a combination of severe mental illness and abuse trauma.  No amount of abuse constitutes them abusing us, obviously, but we can possibly get a clear view of how they eventually got to such a destructive place (esp. if one of your parents doesn't have NPD).

This movie really hit home with my own father, and even though I've already worked through healing from his abuse and completely forgiven him (though, not let him off the hook), this movie helped me heal a little bit more.  I am so glad the author got the closure she did, because not having it can lead to what I went through: not healing for 12 years after his death (year one: shock, year two: pure unadulterated hatred, year three-twelve: numbness).  I know with my mother I will not get closure, (but I don't feel I need it, which I hope will help me in the long run). 

I highly recommend this movie, even if it wasn't completely true to the author's real life (most are not).