I know the holidays bring all sorts of drama when we have narcissistic family members.  Especially when those narcs are our parents.  Last year we spent it completely narc free.  This year we limited it to only my mother (we didn't see his parents yet, if we will at all).  If you haven't been following my story, I will fill you in: I was no contact for a year and a half, we became homeless, and had to come back into her life again.  At first, it was really, really hard, and up until a few weeks ago, it was still really, really hard.  Then I yelled at her and she'd been nice ever since.  Although now she's going back to taking digs at us behind our backs.  But still, she's being nicer to my face, so that's something.  And of course, she bought a ham for Christmas.  And she knows I can't eat it.  I was going to make my own meal to bring down, but I felt like crap Xmas eve, so instead I just took the tiniest bit of ham.  She doesn't care about my health and bought it because she loves ham.  Which is fine, she bought it and cooked it, so what can I say about it?  *sigh*

But then we have the Xmas cookies.  She made like 50 dozen cookies at Thanksgiving (I am not exaggerating here) and then proceeded to bag them up and deliver them to Buttknuckle the Pervert, her BFF (our mutual "friend"), Goosey the Peeper (her next door neighbor who peeps on us), BM's trashy ghetto daughter, and Homeless Hillbilly (our other neeeeiiiiggghhhbor--like a horse?  get it? ha!)

We didn't get a single bag.  She had leftovers at her house and told us to eat them at her house only.  It was a way to control us, but whatever.  I don't eat cookies, so I didn't give two shits, except for the fact she made almond bars, my son's FAVORITE, promised him a tray, then never gave him any, until last night, over a MONTH after she made them.  They were hard as a rock and disgusting.  We threw them all in the trash.

Yeah.  Tell me THAT was not purpose. 

I even mentioned it several times "Hey Ma, those bars will NOT be good anymore, they do not last that long!"  "Psssh" she'd reply.  And then she tried to cut them last night and almost needed the electric knife to do so.  What did she expect?  They are like a cake!!  Cake doesn't last a month, you fucking idiot!

Then, she had her BFF over, along with Buttknuckle the Pervert two days ago, and I was doing laundry, and the Pervert says "Is that your sex shirt?" to me as I walked by.  She's so fucking stupid and I just wanted to take my laundry basket and hit her in the face with it, but I just said "No, it's a peasant shirt, you dirty hobo" and kept on walking by.  Just kidding.  But I did say the peasant shirt part.  So then I leave and the Pervert asks my mom (and I call her the pervert, because she's 75 and all she talks about is sex...so freaking gross) for some cookies.  So my moms goes and gets two entire gallon bags of cookies and hands them to her.  Leaving her BFF to ask "Um, do I get any?"  She says "No, I don't have enough." 

Um, yeah, so I guess me and her BFF are on her shit list again.  She told the old Pervert and her BFF that she had to hide the cookies because my kids would come and take them by the handful.  Which isn't fully true: she would TELL THEM TO.  Typical narcissist.  Creating a situation, encouraging it, just so they can complain about it later.  *sigh* 

Then last night she had me take the rest of the cookies home.  They are old, stale and nasty.  And then she told me to give half to her BFF.  So I bagged up more than half, because her BFF won't stop bitching about it to me and we don't really need the cookies, and dropped them off at her house last night, along with the gifts I bought her. 

But then her BFF started talking about how I got angry with her online last year and told her I didn't want to be friends anymore due to her always telling my mom what I said.  I called my mom a piece of shit in that letter.  And she said she had to show it to my mother.  I was like but that's why I stopped talking to you, and then you go and do it again??  *sigh*  Why do I even try with this woman?  She's not smart enough to even realize she's being disruptive and messing up my life.  So why do I even act like she's my friend?  It's so hard, because she's sweet and nice, but she's also so severely, severely toxic.  I have hard time seeing that part of her until it's too late and the damage has been done.  BOTH times I've had the worst issues with my mother was all her fault.  Both times she went and told my mom everything I said.  But she expects me to not tell my mother that my mother was going around telling people I was bipolar. 

One day that will come out, though.  Not because I am a petty asshole (though sometimes I can be), but because it needs to be addressed.  And she will have no right to be angry, because she tells my mom everything I say (which I am very careful about today).  But she will be angry.  And she won't get why she shouldn't be. 

Like I said: she's toxic.  Perhaps more than my own mother at times.  Because she sits there and acts sweet and innocent and nice, lulls you into a false sense of security, and then BAM!  Ruins your life in one fell swoop!  She's done that twice now, and I am never confiding in her again.  Esp. not after last night, hearing tell me how my mom had a right to see what I said about her. 

So, all this time I've been feeling good.  My mom hasn't cycled back to her meanness yet and has been uber nice to me for a month or so, but then her BFF tells me all shit she's been talking behind my back again, and I've been cycling on obsessing over it.  I can't sleep.  I can't be happy.  I am angry all day and night.  I feel crazy again, like I did before. 

I know, as I write this, I can clearly see the answer: stop talking to her BFF.  Who cares what my mother says behind my back?  Who freaking cares?  She's on her last leg and I'd rather spend the time she has left being happy with her, and not hating her again.  And if her friends are stupid enough to believe what she says about me, then that's on them.  Why should I care? 

It does bug me that we have four dogs, and we pick up our own dog poop, and my mom went outside, out of boredom and cleaned some up.  There wasn't very much, we had just done it the day before.  But then she tells all her friends that she the only person who cleans it up.  *sigh* 

But again, why is her BFF telling me this?  I think she gets off on making me feel bad.  I think she LOVES being in the middle of the drama.  I think it makes her feel important.  When my mother passes away or her dementia gets bad enough?  I am going to tell this idiot (our old mutual friend, my mom's BFF) exactly what I think.  To her face.  And she can go tell the world I am a crazy bitch.  Because when you deal with people like this in your life, what else do you have a choice in being???

UPDATE 2021: I held to my word.  I never confided in her again.  I don't even talk to her anymore unless I have to.  She's as dumb as a brick full of dog shit, so I have no reason to need to speak to her.  I know that's mean, but look at the chaos she's pulled in my life?  I know, it's my fault for trusting her back then.  But I was desperate for a friend.  I am smarter now.  Wiser.  I know better.  Who needs enemies with friends like her?