Haven't we all said at one point in our lives that "If we only had a manual..." when referring to parenting, being an adult, or even on how to deal with our narcissistic parents and others we come across in life?  Well, good news.

There is one!

It's a book that shows you the exact rules narcissists live by.  And by learning these rules, you can better protect yourself from their evil schemes, cruel games, and absolute power plays.  Stay one step ahead of the narcissist by learning everything they do, sometimes before they even do it.

It's called The 48 Laws of Power.  And within its pages is everything you need to know about how a narcissist thinks and why they do the things they do.  To a narc, everything is about power.  And the reason is why is because they feel completely and utterly powerless.  This is because they were born from and raised by at least one sociopathic narcissist.  They were taught at young age that they held no power at all and power was the only thing that mattered.  In the minds of a sociopath, a person who feels very little empathy (if any at all) and who doesn't know how to connect to other human beings normally, they learn quickly that manipulation is the only way to get what they want in life, even as children.  They are empty of real feelings and only feel true emotions in the moment something is happening (later they will retract anything they said and deny feelings if it suits them to do so).  Because of this emptiness, they feel horrible about themselves, deep down.  They believe whatever their narcissistic sociopathic parent told them about themselves (though we all tend to do this part).  And because of these feeling of worthlessness, emptiness, loneliness, and self-hatred, they resort to the only thing they know how to do: manipulate for power.

They believe (because they were taught this at a young age) "whoever had the most power wins".  So they always need the power for themselves, otherwise they start to feel worthless again.  It's a vicious cycle of hurting other people in order to feel good about themselves, with us being the victims of their internal power struggles (when really their games and manipulations have little to do with us and everything to do with the internal struggles going on inside their own heads).

These people are sociopaths/psychopaths.  The term "narcissism" is an explanation of how a sociopath or psychopath behaves (this is how I explain it to others, it's not a medical explanation--yet, as some psychologists agree with this and have written extensively about it).  And this book, The 48 Laws of Power explains how a sociopath/psychopath's brain thinks.  The author Robert Greene even thanks all the people in his life who have used these laws to hurt, torture, manipulate, and cause him pain over the years.  I would say that Robert Greene has dealt with some narcissists in his life, just as we have.  So this is written by a victim, for other victims to read and learn how to protect ourselves.  I am very grateful for having come across this book, as I am sure you will be too, after you read it.

Here are some excerpts:

Law #1

Never Outshine The Master

Always make those above you feel comfortably superior.  In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite--inspire fear and insecurity.  Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.


Now, this teaches us that if we have a boss or a parent (or anyone else) who is a narc, do not outshine them or else you will incur their wrath.  How many times has your mother put you down for something you did well?  Now you know why.  We incited mother's insecurity about herself, so therefore no matter what we do, it's never good enough.  Remember that when you start to feel bad about who you are or what you do.  You aren't the one who'd not good enough, it's her.  She feels that way about yourself, so she's dumping her internal struggled onto you.

Law #14

Pose As A Friend, Work As A Spy

Knowing about your rival is critical.  Use spies to gather valuable information that will help you a step ahead.  Better still: Play the spy yourself.  In polite social encounters, learn to probe.  Ask indirect questions to get people to reveal their weaknesses and intentions.  There is no occasion that is not an opportunity for artful spying. 

Well, we all know about flying monkeys, don't we?  Those people our mothers send over to our side to gather her information.  Or those strange questions our mothers ask in innocent ways that we can tell aren't innocent at all.  This law teaches us to never trust anyone who still has contact with the narcissist in our lives, even those who don't realize they're being used by those narcs to squeeze information from.

Law #12

Use Selective Honesty And Generosity To Disarm Your Victim

One sincere and honest move will cover over dozens of dishonest ones.  Open-hearted gestures of honesty and generosity will bring down the guard of even the most suspicious people.  Once your selective honesty opens a hole in their armor, you can deceive and manipulate them at will.  A timely gift--a Trojan horse--will serve the same purpose. 

How many times we gotten sucked back into their drama due to a warm-hearted talk, crocodile tears, or some reveal of personal information that "showed they are changing for the better"?  And then soon after, the cycle of manipulation starts over again.  Or they've shared something with us that makes us feel comfortable sharing something of our own back, and then soon after, they use it against us, sometimes in very horrible and damaging ways.  This law teaches us to not fall for the good times, as they are all just a manipulation to get on our good sides to hurt us.

Once, someone asked me "Do you think they do it on purpose?  Do you think they know they're doing it?"  My answer is what does it matter?  Some do, some don't, but they all do the same exact stuff, so who cares?


Intention does not make it worse and lack of intention does not make it better when the outcome is still the same. 



Being manipulated is never okay.  If you've read my blogs from the beginning, my mother has a friend that I used to be super close with.  Well, I felt we were super close, but I quickly learned that she was only my mother's actual friend and I was just someone she wanted to gossip about my  mother with (and in turn, tell my mother what I said).  She never realized she was doing anything wrong, as she has severe ADHD, OCD, anxiety, and aspergers.  She has to be told straight up to not share information, otherwise she will, thinking all information is public information.  She used to call me and talk my ear off for hours on end, but over the years I've ignored her calls enough that now when I answer, she asks me for what she wants and then quickly hangs up.  She is a sweet, innocent soul, who does not understand much of whatever is being discussed around her at any given moment.  Her lack of intention does not stop her manipulation from being harmful.  She gossips (it's literally the only thing she knows how to do) not be hurtful or mean, but as a way to communicate with others.  I had to distance myself from her because I do not gossip and do not want to be gossiped about.  I don't hate her, but it doesn't matter if she means or not, the outcome is still the same as though she is intentionally choosing to share my information with the world.  So I do not allow it to happen.  I have boundaries built with her that I keep to and I won't back down just because "she doesn't mean to hurt people".  It doesn't matter.


And that's what this book will help you to do: build boundaries by understanding that the narcissist in your life (my mother's bff is a reverse/inverted narcissist, btw, she ONLY has relationships with narcissists--explains why she doesn't treat me very well LOL).  But not only will it help you to see what you already know, it will help you understand that EVERYTHING they do is a manipulation, even if they don't mean it to be in the moment.  So always remember: intention doesn't matter when the outcome is the same.  Ask yourself before speaking to them: "Will what I say right now matter later?  Can they use this to hurt me?"  Do not ask yourself if they WOULD use it to hurt you, ask yourself if it WILL hurt you.  Because, like I said, even if they don't mean it in the moment as a manipulation, eventually it will become one, even if unintentionally.  So be careful with flying monkeys/spies and narcs, as everything you say will be held against you in the court of the law of power.

Stop giving away your power to narcissists by sharing info with them that they can use against you later.  

Hold your personal information as valuable items you need to protect.  Would you broadcast your social security number out for thieves to steal?  No?  So then treat all your personal info in the same way.

When in doubt?  Go back to Law #1.  Make it all about them.  Turn every single conversation into a conversation about them.  Only give short concise answers when you do have to talk about yourself and then bring it right back around to them.

So read the book, get to know what's going on in their heads, and use that info to make the best choices you can around other narcs (even coworkers, family members, etc.).  This book may change your life.


You can get your copy here.  This is an affiliate link, which means I get a tiny percentage of the sale (at no extra cost to you) which goes to help run this site and put a little food on our table when we need it.  I thank you in advance if you use my link to purchase the book.  You can also find it in your local library.  No matter how you get the book, just read it.  You won't be sorry.