With taking care of our aging narc parents (or living with them for any reason), we can get stuck thinking that's all we are: a person dealing with a narcissist.  We feel victimized, alone, sad, depressed, angry, and hopeless.  All symptoms of depression, even though we may not even have depression (though I would bet that many of us do).  The narc in our lives can evoke these feelings so much that they can create this misery for us without even trying (but rest assured, they are trying).  I consider myself lucky that my mother had to have surgery and is now spending time away from me in a rehabilitation center since December (it's the middle of February now).  I've had a good long break from her (even though I still have to talk to her every other or day so).  But even if you can't take a break, you need to remember that being their child (or their spouse or whoever you are to them) is not your only hat you wear.  You have so many more.  You are more than just a victim of narcissistic abuse.  You are you.  

So, who are you?  What are all the roles you play in life?  And beyond that, what are all the roles you want to be playing in life?  And what past roles have you played that you wish to do again?  

Make a list, either in your head or on paper (or your phone).  You can put them into different categories, such as "things I do" and "things I am" and "things I want to be or be doing".  Or whatever you like.  Here's mine: 

• Mother (I have two boys, my most favorite hat I wear)
  
• Wife (I have an amazing hubby, Mr. Brooks, another favorite hat I wear)
  
• Domestic Engineer Manager (I don't joke around about this title, I do everything from keep everyone's appointments straight, to medication, to pet appointments and medication-we have many, I am our house's only cook, I do most of the laundry--though hubby helps, I make all our cleaning products, fix things around the house, etc. and I delegate the things I cannot do to my employees, oh wait, my family LOL--let's be clear about this, I am good at some aspects of this job and bad at others, and I get overwhelmed at times, especially when I have too much to do at once--like today, having to clean the entire house myself because the repairman is coming to fix our washer)
  
• Salon manager (I cut hair in my home)
• Pet groomer (for my own pets, I would not inflict my horrible pet grooming skills on someone who'd pay me to do it)
• Builder (I build things for our home, like I recently built railings for our back porch, and last year I made our garden bigger by having my kids help me build a new fence for it)
• Gardener (I usually have good sized gardens and start most of my plants from seed, this year will hopefully be the best year yet, as I have some great directions on how to grow an amazing garden 😁)
• Artist (I am not a prolific artist, nor is my work always great, but I don't care, I just love to create, and when I have the time, I do this a lot)
• Musician (I am not as much of a musician as I used to be, but I still know how to play a couple instruments and I can sight read quite well--as a kid, this used to be my main hat)
• Writer (I write ALL the time: blogs, fiction stories and books, non-fiction, and collaborations with my husband, and my memoirs, which you can find eventually on my new website that I'll post here soon--this is my main hat when it comes to "things I do" rather than "things I am")
• Problem Solver (a hat I wear often)
• Tarot Teacher, Writer, Reader, and Card Designer (I've been reading tarot since I was twelve, and even though I do not believe in psychic abilities, I do believe tarot is an amazing introspective tool, which I write about extensively on my tarot blog, and even have my own tarot deck).  
• And so much more.

The point of this list is to remind you that you have so many other things to think about other than your relationship with your narc.  Take any one of these things (or several) and immerse yourself in it, rather than let the narc in your life take over and be the only thing that you have to deal with on a daily basis.  Because that's a recipe for depression and disaster.  

So what hats do you wear?  What hats do you want to wear?  For those things you haven't done yet but want to, make a plan!   Then research the steps to get yourself there.  Immersing yourself in a future project is a great way to distract yourself from what's going on in your home.  

Just a quick suggestion on how to detach from the narc in your life and become more of YOU 💖