Mummy is a grumpy wumpus today.  She's an angsty teenage girl who lives in an old woman's body.  She cannot see the forest for the trees, like, EVER.  She only wants what she wants and screw if it's good for her or not.  And here I am, taking care of her old grumpy ass, paying the price for trying to keep her safe.  And why?  Because I care about her, but I tell you what, I'll be damned if I am going to put up with her grouchy ass much longer.  "Shady Pines, ma!" 

She's on norcos for her foot pain after her surgery back in December.   And ever since she got them, she's been saying how she's going to stock up on them and sell them.  She's said this at least four times, with the last time with her telling my son this yesterday where I could hear.  She's not kidding, either.  I keep telling her "Like hell you will commit a felony under this roof!"  She will just make stupid comments like "Oh, I'll make phone calls."  This is her favorite thing to say, as though she "knows" people to sell drugs to.  Geezus.  

So she refilled her meds yesterday and I picked them up today and I gave her only 10 (with the rest in my room to be doled out as she's out of them) and all hell broke loose.  

She started screaming "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME??!!  WHY ARE YOU TAKING EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME??  YOU ARE SO MEAN!  YOU DON'T TRUST ME TO TAKE MY OWN MEDS!!  YOU DON'T TRUST ME WITH MY OWN MONEY!  YOU DON'T EVEN GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME!  YOU TOLD ME YOU'RE GOING TO PUT ME IN A HOME WHEN I AM IN DIAPERS!  YOU DON'T EVEN CARE!  I'M GOING TO CALL AND REPORT YOU FOR STEALING MY MEDICATION BECAUSE YOU PROBABLY WANT THEM FOR YOURSELF!!"  And so on and so forth. 

So I laid into her.  I said  "Why do you think I am here?  I am here to take care of you.  Nobody is making me be here.  I am here because I want to be.  But you are ungrateful and get angry at me every step of the way!  I don't take things away from you because I want to!  I do it because I have to!  Because you can't do these things without hurting yourself or others!  This is not my fault.  Your dementia is not my fault.  Your foot pain is not my fault.  Your poor balance is not my fault.  The pandemic is not my fault.  None of this is my damn fault!  But you insist on punishing me every step of the way and you treat me me like it's all my fault.  And that's just bullshit.  And don't you ever accuse me of being some drug seeking asshole who wants to steal your drugs, unlike you, I've never been addicted to a substance, nor have I taken drugs!  And I do trust you with the money I give you, which is why I don't give you much, because I do not trust you with more.  Because you have no idea how to save money and you end up buying all sorts of bullshit because that you don't understand anymore that these things are either garbage or they are bad for you!  Like, you buy random meds off the internet!  You can't do that!  And I put more money in your account when you have to buy things like medicine or when you got your shingles shot and had to use your money pay for it."

All she said was "And that money came from me." 

So I replied "Yes, it came from your money.  But not your allowance.  I don't expect you to pay for things like that out of your allowance."  

"I don't get what you mean.  That money came from MY money, so I paid for it anyways!"  

"And this is why you don't get to be in charge of things anymore, ma!  You don't get what I mean.  You never understand what I'm talking about!  You don't know how to use your debit card anymore!  You don't know how to do all sorts of things anymore!  And those things are not my fault!  So when I do these things you see as me taking everything away from you, it's because I am taking care of you, not punishing you!"  

*silence*

So I shut my door and went back to hanging out my husband.    And I was thinking that this is it.  If she's going to continue like this, I can't do this anymore.  I throw in the towel.  I'm done.  She's not a little kid and I refuse to be her mother, when she clearly doesn't want me to be.

It's so hard to remember that they are human being sometimes.  It's so hard to place yourself in their shoes and to see them acting out as some kind of cry for help.  Mostly because if you offered them help, they'd deny you and most likely laugh at the mere suggestion of it.  So we become accustomed to just seeing them as monsters.  And to be fair, some are.  The more sociopathic they are, they more monster they become.  But some, like my mother, are just stunted little kids who grow old, but never actually age in their minds.  

So my husband went to work and I let the dogs out and then went back to my room to work on my short story book (I got a new idea recently and want to get it done before I wander off into a new idea and never finish it--oh the fun having ADHD and being a writer!).  But then she knocked on my door, and immediately I was angry she had the nerve to come to me so soon after all that.  I was afraid it was ultimatum time again.  The whole "If you don't give me my meds, I'll just (insert threat here)".  That is her normal response, so that's what I expected.  So when I opened my door to find her weeping uncontrollably, I was quite surprised.  She apologized for yelling at me and just stated she's actually mad at her dementia and her depression, and not me.  I told her I completely understand that.  And I told her I am a safe space to take her anger out on those things, but just as long as she apologizes after.  See, my oldest son takes his anger out on me...he has aspergers and sometimes has meltdowns.  But he knows the right way to apologize and I never take his behavior personally (and he's an adult now, and he's so much better now).  I am his safe space, as I am for my husband and my other son.  But, I always take my mother's behavior personally, which makes me not her safe space (she was never, ever mine...EVER).  But that's because she never apologizes.  This is the second time in over twenty years she's ever told me "I'm sorry".  Kind of a bad track record.  

And recently, up until today, I've been plagued with horrible anxiety and stress related issues due to her repeated bullshit.  I had wretched anxiety this morning, which was so bad, I actually started yelling at the self-checkout machine at our grocery store because it's slow as fuck.  I was in full panic mode and needed to leave.  All because I knew going home and doling out her meds was going to be an issue.  And everything was making me feel crazy.  Until I opened my door, I was ready to be done with all this.  I need to take care of me and my mental health, and whenever she's around, she always makes her the priority.  Which is why I went no contact the last time, because I was going out of my mind having to be her caretaker from a block away.  And now we live in the same house, and I felt 100x worse and it was spilling out into my entire life.  

Now, she will go back to being a grumpy wumpus.  This I know.  This is not a permanent apology.  I do not get sucked back into her pretend good times anymore.  Because these apologetic moments do not last.  Last time, it didn't last but a day and she was immediately back to being an asshole the very next day (the last time was in 2006 when she physically assaulted me and I called the cops on her).  So I know this won't last.  But at least she's fine with me taking care of all her meds for her for now, so that's all I ask for.  And I'm going to let up on some of my restrictions of her, as she's got her vaccine and is doing better with her foot.  And now her BFF also has her vaccine, she she'll be able to come over this summer, as well. 

In her apology, she said "I am so grateful for every single thing you do.  I know you're just trying to take care of me and I'm just taking all my anger out on out and that's not fair.  It's not your fault that what is happening to me is happening to me.  All you do is take care of me and I just treat you like shit for it."  I saw how she looked defeated when she said it.  Not as in I defeated her, but defeated by her disease and how life is going for her.  So I told her, this summer we'll make the best of it and we'll do as much as we can safely to have fun and do happy stuff.  And then I let her purchase almost $200 in plants, because that's literally her hobby and she loves plants.  I know she hate restrictions.  She has zero idea of what a budget means.  I know part of her meltdown to begin with was based on the fact I would not let her buy crazy amounts of plants.  And this was too much money, but I hope it tides her over for the rest of the summer.  Or, at least a bit.  I do feel a tiny bit like I was manipulated into getting these plants for her.  But at the same time, I really don't care.  I'll get the money back tomorrow.  

Today was a win.  Not a win that will last forever, or even for long.  But a win for the moment.  A win for me let my anger go for a bit and just enjoy a small bit of relief.  We all need these moments.  We all need a relief from our misery.  Otherwise it builds to a crescendo that we just can't handle and we go insane.  This is why people take vacations from work.  Or from caregiving, whether it be kids or family.  We all need reprieves.  Her going to the home for a couple months wasn't that much of a reprieve for me, since I spent the entire time trying to fix her messes.  But this?  This moment of vulnerability she gave me, this was just what I needed to feel better.  Maybe my anxiety will get better for a bit.  Maybe not, but I hope so.  Now, back to my short story before my brain wanders off onto something else! LOL 

But then again, what else is new?

If you're not new here, then you'd know that my mother's modus operandi is to threaten people when she's backed into a corner with no way out.  It's been a bit since she's been able to threaten me or my family, so I bet today felt great for her.  And here's the funny part: she threatened Mr. Brooks, not me or my oldest son (her other scapegoat).

Yup.  You read that right.  She threatened her golden child.  Her favorite.  The one she thinks I'm not good enough for.  And it wasn't like he picked an argument with her and started it, she picked one with him.  Not sure what bug crawled up her ass today to get her to do that, but one did and it was done.  

Today she told him that if we didn't give her back control of her money, she's out.  Like, she's going to stop paying on the house and go into a home.  So my husband shot right back her and said "So, you're going to let everyone in this house go homeless?"  She said "I'll be fine.  I'll be in a home." all smug-like.  So he said "Well, I hope you realize if you do that to us, this will be the end and none of us will ever have anything to do with you again."  And unlike her threat, he meant it.

Here's how it all started though: he brought her meds (she's on norcos for her foot pain after surgery, which she needs).  We rushed out to go get them for her since she was out.  I am on day 3 of my migraine, complete with horrible anxiety I've been experiencing the whole time.  So we left to go get her meds and drop of our boxes that were taking up space in the car to the resale shop (which is like like Salvation Army).  I felt horrible, so we didn't go in.  Then we got her meds and went home.  We took the long way home, only so we could see if any trucks were for sale on our way, as we got our stimulus money and we desperately need our own car (we haven't owned a car in over a year--we are at the whim of a crazy lady by only driving her car and living in a house that's only in her name).  We come in, he hands her her meds and then rather than say thank you, she says "No smokes?"  I hate when she acts like an ungrateful brat like that.  She won't say thank you for us wasting our gas (that we pay for) and time, while I feel like shit (she never cares when I don't feel well) to go get her meds.  

Now, it's not like we'd ever say no.  Of course we are going to get her meds.  Always.  But that doesn't mean she can take us for granted and rather than say thank you, ask us about something we didn't get her.  She always does this to us.  It's irritating as fuck.  Had it been me, I always tell her "YOU ARE WELCOME." when she does this.  But my husband was caught off guard and said "Oh no, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot you needed those."  

Rather than just say something like a normal person would say, she says her old go-to "Oh, well, let me know if you're going to get them for me or if I have to make a call."  She says in a way that makes it sound like she's in the mafia or something LOL

*snort*  "make a call"  Ha!  This means she's going to call her little 5'1" friend Christmas and she'll drop off a couple packs for her.  So this did not sit well with my husband.  I would have just laughed at her and said "Mmkay, ma, do what you gotta do."  But already today Mr. Brooks had to yell at our neighbor who walks his dog every single day right into our driveway to make our dogs bark at his dog.  Every fucking day.  Today was the last straw and he marched out there and said "Hey!  You hear my dogs barking like mad? (we have 4)  You hear that?  Yeah?  Maybe get out of our damn driveway!"  Okay, he didn't really say it like that, but close.  This guy is a HUGE annoyance and comes into our yard daily to harass us every single time we're out, as well as when we're inside.  So today was not the day for my mother pull some shit with Mr. Brooks.  

So he replies to her "Yeah, call who?  Because I will get your damn cigarettes, I just happened to not get them today.  Maybe you shouldn't have started smoking again after quitting for the month you were gone?  What a stupid decision that was!"  She replied "Well, I've made worse decisions."  He said "Yes, I know.  So I'm going to go now and finish the rest of my day, goodbye."  And she yells back "Well, just let me know so I know if I have to make some calls or not."  

He came into the bedroom where I was and told me what happened.  Then he felt bad and went out and apologized.  And instead of being nice to him, she said "Well, I want control of my money back."  And he asked why.  She is upset because she wants to buy more than $100 worth of plants and I only gave her $100 for her allowance this check, which is what I told her I'd give her, $100 out of each check.  She already spent $87 in today online on plants, and is mad she doesn't have more to spend on more fucking plants.  So my husband says "Well, I don't have $200 a month spent on whatever I want.  You're lucky."  

"Well, I don't care.  I can just get all my money back with a couple calls."

"Haha no you can't.  And besides, this way we know the bills are getting paid and everyone is safe.  You have bills to pay that you were not paying on.   It's not like we're taking your money just to have it.  It's not like it's that much anyways.  And Shay is your power of attorney so she has control of your money."

"That doesn't matter.  I can still get it back.  Just give it back to me.  Or else."

"Or else what?"

"I don't know.  I'll just stop paying on the house." 

"So, you'll make us all homeless?"

"Well, I'll be fine.  I'll be in a home." 

"Oh wow.  You'd do that to your family?  Wow.  Well, I hope you know if you did that, that none of us would have anything to do with you ever again." 

"Just give it back."  

"This is not the time to talk about this.  I'm going to go now."  

I know there were more threats in this conversation.  And more to the threat itself.  It was far more convoluted and stupid because my mother's brain doesn't work right.  And also, back when she fought me to drive, she would threaten the same thing several times a week, about "giving the car back to the dealership".  And my comeback was always "Oh yeah?  And how would Mr. Brooks get to work and how would we pay our half of the bills and mortgage?"  And it always shut her up.  But my hubby was in an already bad mood due to being in the position to have to yell at our neighbor (I mean, really, what an asshole this guy is..always in our yard thinking making our dogs go nuts is funny!), so he wasn't thinking of our #1 rule, which is "DO NOT ENGAGE HER WHEN SHE'S MAKING THREATS".  But he did and she took it too far.  

And it wouldn't be a big deal except for two things: 

1. She actually went after my hubby, of all people, her favorite person.  And even though it made Mr. Brooks uncomfortable to be her favorite person, I am sure it hurts him deep down, because it's like being rejected by his mother all over again (his mom has NPD, too, and doesn't speak to him).  And:
   
2. We've been homeless.  Quite recently, actually.  Which is why we moved into the apartment building with her to begin with.  And when we did, she treated us like total dogshit for the first six months, and then like lesser dogshit since.  She even refused to let me go get my family food when we had nothing (and I mean, we didn't have beds, furniture, or even lamps or plates or anything at all).  So not only did we come from homelessness, she forced us to stay in dire straits for as long as she could, just to punish us for going no contact with her.  Never mind we had no food.  Never mind we had no beds to sleep on.  Never mind we were suffering.  It was all about her and her revenge.
   

So to threaten my husband with that of all things?  It really hit him right where there is still an open wound.  Remember, it's only been two years since coming back from Fartass, MO, where we were tricked into believing we had at home to live in.  And for my hubby, that wound is far more gaping than it is for me (though it still is for me, too).  So he panicked.  It's like with me, if you fuck around and tell me you want to kill yourself? I will call the fucking cops and get you help, even if you don't meant it.  BECAUSE THAT SHIT IS NOT A GAME.  So when someone threatens homelessness on his family?  He went straight into "let's get the fuck outta here!" mode.  Because to him, THAT SHIT IS NOT A GAME!  And I'm with him on that.  I cant take care of her anymore.  I can't stand it.  And if she's going to throw a hissy fit every single time she can't buy a billion dollars worth of bullshit, then we're going to have a bigger problem on our hands.  

Now, I know.  I remember what it was like when I took her car away from her.  I know how hard her push back was.  And it was all hot air.  But Mr. Brooks, and even me, we can't handle the threat of taking away where we live.  And certainly not every five minutes because that's the ONLY thing she has to threaten us with.  

The funny part about her threat is that she can't even figure out how to use her debit card online anymore.  No, that's not funny, that's sad.  What is funny is that she wants to threaten that she can just "make a couple of calls" to get her money back, but she has no idea how to do that, where to call, what to say to these people to get them to do it for her, or even how to set up a new bank account to put the money into.  She can't figure how to get to certain websites sometimes, or even understand what any of it means anymore.  She's really losing it.  So there is actually ZERO threat here.  She couldn't stop paying on the house or take her money back, even if she tried.  The problem is that if she could take her money back, the bills will not get paid, because I have to have access to her account to take the money for bills anyways.  And the old system wasn't working because she was spending too much, not leaving me enough to pay bills with or she was spending all of it after paying bills and leaving ZERO for savings, so while we were making less money than she was (though not now we aren't), we had to save money so we could pay for the house and car repairs and vet bills and I'd have to bill her for the next month.  It was total rubbish the way it was working.  Now?  She gets her allowance, the rest goes to bills and savings.  

Not to mention, the stuff she'd spend her money on was batshit insane stuff that only crazy people bought.  AND add in the fact she was also killing her fucking cat by feeding him wet food and people food every single day, to the point he'd throw everything up immediately after.  After she left to stay in that rehab facility a few months ago?  I stopped feeding any of the cats wet food and never gave them people food and he hasn't puked since AND he's finally putting on weight.  This stopped her hundreds of dollars of cat food bills each month, too.  Boom, right into savings.  And her cat doesn't look like he's dying anymore (he was so freaking skinny!---she is a total fucking idiot with pets and should never be allowed to take care of anything, ever). 

BAD DECISIONS.  That's all my mother ever has been and ever will be. One big stupid bad decision.  I also don't trust her to keep paying on her life insurance or her car insurance, which were both things she let lapse before we moved here.  And that's not dementia, that's just her.  

I will just be adamant and tell her she has two choices: she can either have me, or the home make her financial decisions for her.  That's it.  That's her choice.  And I will stick to my guns.  Eventually she'll back down, but if not, there's the fucking door.  And in the meantime, we are planning our "get the fuck out of here" strategy (which we started when we moved in here).  I just hope we can implement our plan before she either chooses a home over us or we have to put her in one.  It's so hard, when you're coming back from homelessness, and having nothing.  No car.  No job.  Nowhere to live.  No items.  We've had to build ourselves back up, though we're still not quite there yet.

Here is our plan: 

We need an SUV and a truck.  We are a family of four adults and need at least two vehicles.  We need land to purchase for cheap.  We need two campers.  That's it.  That's our plan.  Land.  Vehicles.  And somewhere to live that someone can't take away from us (well, Mother Nature could, but hopefully she won't).  It seems easy.  But it's not.  We've been working on our credit scores (we paid off most of our debt with our income tax...it wasn't that much, thank goodness) so we can get a loan for land.  But getting a loan for one or two vehicles or land will be hard, since he's only been working for four months since being laid off for six months due to the pandemic last year.  Most creditors want six months of working at the same job.  We need our own car, now.  But we're working on it.  And that's our "get the fuck outta here" plan.  A peaceful life with mother in a nursing home and us not having to deal with her anymore.  Yes, I'll talk to her and bring her stuff.  But I don't want to live with her or be her caretaker, because she's obstinate, deviant, careless, and reckless.  The other day I had to remove her extra norcos from her room and hide them since she said she was going to sell them.  *sigh*  I said that's a fucking felony and I'm not having her break the law under my care.  She just laughed at me.  And she's sold them before, so I believe her when she says this shit (she sold some to a woman who later died from overdose from the same pills---years later, but I told her "Doesn't it make you feel so good about yourself that you added to her addiction which caused her death?"  She said she didn't give a shit---my ma is so nice).  

Yeah, this is some poisonous, toxic, bullshit I have to deal with as her caretaker.  And now she's threatened to take the house we live in away (again, I know she can't, but still).  I am done.  Anyone have any campers, land or vehicles for sale?  LOL

Until we find them at a price we can afford, we're stuck here.  But until then, I'm downsizing and packing!!  Muahahahaha! 

Okay, enough rambling.  But I feel bad for Mr. Brooks.  Apparently he'll be on her shit list for a bit...and that means she'll be sucking up to me.  Too bad I am team Brooks and she can fuck right off to fucking town.  

Till later.

I bet there's thousands of articles on NPD and everything related to it out there.  And that's a good thing, right?  I mean, the more education we can have access to, the better we can arm ourselves against narcissistic abuse.  But, there's also a dark side to having so much access to all this info.  And that's the fact that some of that info will be at best, a misunderstanding and at worst, made up information.  

Yesterday I read this article called "23 Signs You're Secretly a Narcissist Masquerading as a Sensitive Introvert".  And I honestly couldn't stop rolling my eyes while reading it, because obviously this author doesn't know much about narcissism, autism, borderline personality disorder, or much else.  Then I looked into his credentials and saw that his brand of psychology is not mainstream, and has some glaring flaws in it, much of which I do not agree with, and much of which basic psychology (which has a good understanding of narcissism) also does not agree with.  But we'll get into that more later. 

Now, let me start by saying, I do agree with the author on some points.  I agree that most people have NO IDEA what introversion really is or what it looks like.  And most articles on introversion (or silly listcles) are full of crap.  

I am an introvert.  I used to be an extrovert, but as I've aged (and stopped insisting that being around other people constantly is good for me--it never was), I've become a staunch introvert.  And I am still extremely sociable and very outgoing.  Though I get my mental energy from being alone, or with small groups of people (like my hubby and kids), I do prefer writing, creating, building, immersing myself in stories (by either reading or TV), and other solitary activities.  I don't mind visiting for a little bit.  I utterly hate parties and small talk (though if I'm hosting, it's better).  But I don't mind doing outdoor activities with others.  I am a tad socially awkward in flash conversations, as I tend to cram too much talking into a short period of time LOL  But that's my aspergers thinking I need to share more than I should.  But I am not horrible with that, only just a little.  Anyways, I am an introvert who would not be seen as an introvert if you just met me.  Because people confuse shyness with introversion, and the two are not the same.  

So this article goes off on a spiel about how "covert narcissists can be mistaken for introverts".  And I'm reading this thinking "Does this guy even know what a covert narcissist even is?"  Raise your hand if your mom is a covert narc.  *raises hand*  And my mother is a total extrovert.  I know many covert narcs who could be classified as extroverts.  I also know some that could be introverts, too.  Covert narcissism has nothing to do with what energizes you as a person.  Just as overt narcissism has nothing to do with being an extrovert.  It has to do with how your narcissism presents.  

An overt narc would look at you and tell you look stupid (this is not a political page, but think of the way Donald Trump talks about his opponent's looks).  A covert narc instead will say some kind of back-handed comment (passive-aggressive) about how someone else who's dressed like you or looks like you looks stupid stupid, leading you to realize they were really talking about you.  Overts are direct.  Coverts are indirect.  They hide.  They cover up their bad behaviors behind a jumble of ideas or words to make you second guess what they said.  You end up asking yourself "Did they really say what I think they said?  Or am I making a big deal out of it over nothing?"  A covert doesn't give two shits if they offend you or even if you call them out on their shit.  As their response, they will say "And?"  A covert will get offended if you suggest they offended you, making it be about you instead of them.  In my opinion, both are horrible, but the covert will make you feel more crazy with their abuse, where as the overt will make you feel shame.  Well, both make you feel shame, but that's an overt's main type of abuse.  

Can coverts be overtly rude and can overts be covertly rude?  Of course.  Nobody is always 100% one way.  But the majority of the time, they will be one or the other.  And neither one has anything to do with introversion or extroversion.  I met an horribly awkward and shy introvert who was also an innately overt narcissist in high school who I punched in the face over his overt abuse of me.  Just because someone's not a spectacular public speaker and popular does not mean they cannot be an overt narcissist.  

But the author then went on to say that "Shyness is more about being anxious and neurotic than introversion."  Neurotic is something you call a dog or an animal who's skittish and shakes a lot.  Nobody calls people that anymore.  It's actually insulting to say a human is neurotic (it's what you call that one ex-girlfriend because you're too simple-minded to understand what anxiety and panic attacks are).  The word he was looking for was "social anxiety disorder", as shyness is actually social anxiety.  I find it hard to believe he has a PhD and still calls people that, but here we are.

So back the article itself, or rather, the title.  The 23 things he lists are just called the "maladaptive covert narcissism scale", which I cannot find anything online to what this scale really is, or why it's considered anything at all, as a majority of it seems to be describing people with aspergers, hypersensitivity, borderline personality disorder and even people who were raised by narcissists.  Is this scale for people who do not have NPD, but just narcissistic behaviors?  I really don't know.  I was developed by researchers who obviously do not follow normal psychology, because it's honestly one of the silliest things I've ever read.  Here is the test and my responses to each one. 
 

This test is supposed to taken by using a scale from 1-5, with one being never, and 5 being always:

1. ___ I can become entirely absorbed in thinking about my personal affairs, my health, my cares or my relations to others.  This can be 100% easily chalked up to autism.  I've known too many narcissists in my life and not one of them become completely absorbed in their own lives.  In fact, far too many become absorbed in other people's lives, especially covert narcissists.  Remember, they are empty shells and need to be filled by others. 
   
2. ___ My feelings are easily hurt by ridicule or the slighting remarks of others.  ADHD has this thing called "rejection sensitive dysphoria" that can make you either go into extreme sadness, a crying fit, or rage when getting your feelings hurt.  Yes, covert narcs are similar, but I hate when someone puts out some kind of silly test to take and now you may think you're a covert narcissist because you're hypersensitive.  Guess what?  No narcissist will take this damn test.  Or, if they did, they certainly won't think "Oh wow, I must be a narcissist".  LOL  That makes me giggle think about.
   
3. ___ When I enter a room I often become self-conscious and feel that the eyes of others are upon me.  Since when did self-consciousness become a narcissistic trait?  Paranoia is a huge part of anxiety, and being self-conscious is part of that paranoid anxiety issue.  Now, if you walk into a room and think everyone is staring because you're hot?  Yes, that's more narcissistic.  But not this one.
   
4. ___ I dislike sharing the credit of an achievement with others.  Yes, if you shared the work with another person and both did 50/50 or similar on a task and you both got credit and that pisses you off?  That could be narcissistic.  But if you didn't share the work, but someone else shares the credit?  By all means, get pissed.  I hate these types of questions because they do not expand on the situation.
   
5. ___ I feel that I have enough on my hand without worrying about other people's troubles.  Sometimes this is called having boundaries.  If you are horrible at listening and think everyone's issues are stupid, that could be both covert or overt narcissism.  But what if you do have enough on your hands and you don't want to take on other people's issues?  This one is, like many on this list, is very misleading.  Also, having low empathy for other people's issues could also be a sign of autism, rather than narcissism. 
   
6. ___ I feel that I am temperamentally different from most people.  What does this even mean?  My anxiety makes me a very irritable person at times.  I do feel tempermentally differently sometimes from others.  This is not a sign of narcissism, and you know why?  A real narcissist would answer this as "never". 
   
7. ___ I often interpret the remarks of others in a personal way.  Again, a narcissist would not answer this as yes.  If you answer this as yes, most likely you're very sensitive and full of shame.  Which is absolutely normal as a child of a narcissist.  And if you answer this as yes, you can learn to build your self esteem so you don't take things personally anymore.  It just takes work and time (and if you can change, you're not a narcissist).
   
8. ___ I easily become wrapped up in my own interests and forget the existence of others.  Bahahahahaha!  This is 100% a trait of an autistic, not a narcissist.  Remember what I said above, about how covert narcs really don't have their own interests.  They do, but not so much they become immersed in what they do.  My mother does puzzles.  She doesn't then do a puzzle so intently she forgets to eat or make dinner or talk to other people or pick them up from school/work.  That's what an autistic does.  That's what I do.  I get involved in a project and then I realize "OMG I need to pee/eat/make dinner/etc.!"  It's classic autistic behavior.
   
9. ___ I dislike being with a group unless I know that I am appreciated by at least one of those present.  Now, who the hell likes to be in a group where nobody pays attention to them?  Or lets them talk?  What exactly does "being appreciated" mean here?  Does it mean someone who wants to hang out with you and is glad you're there?  That's how I take it.  And I'm telling you right now, that not many people would be comfortable being invisible in a group.
   
10. ___ I am secretly "put out" or annoyed when other people come to me with their troubles, asking me for their time and sympathy.  Yes, this is very narcissistic behavior.  Someone who agrees to help you but complains about you behind your back.  Ding ding ding, finally, they got one right.
    
11. ___ I am jealous of good-looking people.  Unless it's a person who's ALWAYS asking for your time or sympathy and you're too codependent to say no.  Then you're not a narc, you're a "yes man/woman".  I've been that person.  Don't be that person. 
    
12. ___ I tend to feel humiliated when criticized.  This is classic rejection sensitive dysphoria.  And it's classic narc behavior, too.  Again, though, a narc will most likely not be taking this quiz.
    
13. ___ I wonder why other people aren't more appreciative of my good qualities.  Maybe you're surrounded by narcissists rather than being one yourself?  This is narc behavior, yes. 
    
14. ___ I tend to see other people as being either great or terrible.  Black and white thinking is narc behavior (idealization/devaluation cycle, which is also present in borderline personality disorder), but is also classic autistic behavior, too.  Maybe I should write an article called "Before you diagnose yourself as narcissistic, make sure you're not autistic instead".  Yes, one can be both.  But while similar, there are distinctions between them as well.
    
15. ___ I sometimes have fantasies about being violent without knowing why.  Hahaha what?  Since when was having violent fantasies become narc behavior?  I have never once heard of this in all my years studying narcissism.  Although, I have read up on this in the past and know that violent fantasies are very normal in regular psychology, as long as you never have the urge to act on them.  So this one should just be erased.  WTF?
    
16. ___ I am especially sensitive to success and failure.  Um, many people are.  Narcs are, too.  There is a girl in season two of Ink Masters who was in the top two of a challenge with this other guy.  And he was also so gracious and nice and congratulated people who won over him and she was always shit talking people, yelling about how "I'm going to take you down!" and when she'd lose, she'd cry.  Yeah.  That's over the top narcissist behavior.  But, if you have deep shame?  You will also take failure very personally.  But you also may take success as a failure too, especially if you have imposter syndrome.  You may say "Well, that was a fluke, I don't deserve it."  So it depends on how you're being "sensitive" and how you win.  If failure makes you ANGRY, that's some childish bullshit.  And if winning or the possibility of winning makes you act like a dick?  Then yes, that may be narc behavior.  But again, this one is sooooo freaking vague, like all of them, so how are you supposed to answer this?  Ugh.
    
17. ___ I have problems that nobody else seems to understand.  Feeling alone in the world is not only a feeling that narcs get.  And what if you do have problems nobody else understands?  I have severe anxiety.  I have lost SO many friendships, because they didn't know how to deal with me.  So yes, I've felt like this numerous times.  In high school, I had a friend who's father raped her.  How is anyone supposed to understand that?  Or, what if your spouse or child dies?  Most of the people around you will not know what to do with you.  What if you have cancer?  Again, people walk away for lesser.  So yes, people get problems all the the time nobody else understands.  A better way to phrase this is to say "I think my problems are worse than anyone else's, even the little stuff."  Now that's an actual narc trait. 
    
18. ___ I try to avoid rejection at all costs.  That's actually a codependent issue, too.  So again, when you are always putting vague ass descriptions that apply to many on your quiz for narcissists, how does your quiz end up even applying to them? 
    
19. ___ My secret thoughts, feelings, and actions would horrify some of my friends.  Really, and why does this apply to narcs?  Automatic negative thoughts can also apply to people with anxiety, too.  And, what did we talk about above, that violent thoughts are normal sometimes unless you act on them.  So, I don't see how this applies to narcissism at all.
    
20. ___ I tend to become involved in relationships in which I alternately adore and despise the other person.  They already said this one.  Why repeat one when this was written by people with PhD's I assume?  The idealization/devaluation cycle also goes for those with BPD (borderline personality disorder).  AND it can be a learned trait from having a narcissist as a parent. 
    
21. ___ Even when I am in a group of friends, I often feel very alone and uneasy.  Hahaha!  How does this apply to only narcissists???  Lots of people feel this way!  It's called depression you, dimwits! UGGGHHHH!
    
22. ___ I resent others who have what I lack.  Yes, this can be a total narc trait.  It can also be a toxic shame trait. 
    
23. ___ Defeat or disappointment usually shame or anger me, but I try not to show it.  Again, repeating.  Though this one is only about failure, rather than success, too.  Do not repeat questions in a psychological test!  Ugh!  Also, this can be a total autistic trait, as well. 
    

This scale is a joke, because it really is so vague it can apply to overly sensitive people, autistics, or those with borderline personality disorder.  The difference between narcissism and autism, hypersensitive people, or those who have BPD, is what you do with how you feel.  How do you react to each of these?  Not if you have these, because we all have some of them.  But what do you do with those feelings?  

Narcissism is not like other things.  Narcissism's main traits are manipulation, vindictiveness, and cruelty.  Narcs can feel the way we all feel, but when they feel these things they lash out.  They want to hurt the person who is taking away whey they feel is rightfully theirs.  Whether that is a feeling, an item, a job position or other success, their pride, their image, or anything else.  They constantly feel stolen from.  These feelings originate from not feeling enough, just as many of us feel.  But it's not the fact they feel this way that they are narcissists, it's what they do in retaliation or otherwise to deal with that feeling.  It's like a coping mechanism disorder, and it stems from their lack of empathy (which is born) that makes them feel good to hurt others as a way to cope with their feelings of emptiness and shame.  Autistics sometimes have a lack empathy (not all do, but some), but they don't go on smear campaigns or try to ruin someone's life to get them back for making them feel bad.  

Narcissism is all about the reactions.  Where on this test do they ask about that?  Nowhere.  So this test is completely false.  If you come across it, don't even take it, because it's bullshit.  

Instead, concentrate on the behaviors, not the feelings.  If you want to know if someone is a narcissist, check out a wonderful test created by Dr. Karyl McBride here: "Will I Ever Be Good Enough". Even if the person you're wondering about isn't your mother, narcs are pretty much the same and most of the same questions will apply, no matter who it is.  

Now, as for "humanistic psychology", which is the author is involved in.  I've read a little about this approach and I find it to be lacking in basic understanding of the animalistic human brain.  To ignore that we are all animals (even though we're thinking animals), is not just silly, but irresponsible.  We already know that Maslow's Hierarchy (same type of psychology) is outdated and doesn't actually apply in the way Maslow thought it did.  I find this type of psychology kind of basic, unscientific, and well, just "made up", rather than having any actual science to back it up.  I am student of real psychology and I find that it not only works, but it has way more data to back it up.  And getting a doctorate in something unscientific doesn't make you an expert on anything other than what your quackery peddles.  It's like being a chiropractor.  There is zero science to back that up, yet some people consider it a science (which it should be a practice, not a science, just as humanistic psychology should be also considered a practice). 

So be careful what you read out there.  Not everything is coming from a quality place.  You have discern what makes something a good piece of info by researching where it's coming from.  And to me, this "scale" is not a good piece of info.  I am afraid it will make all sorts of autistic people, sensitive people, people filled with shame and others all believe they are narcissists.  And they're not.  This is wholly irresponsible article writing.  

The author is also an author of several books.  You can find his website here, so you know to stay away from his writing (or maybe you'll want to read them? who knows?).  https://scottbarrykaufman.com/  

Remember: always do your research before believing something a book or the internet tells you and discern the information for yourself.

Well, not really.  I think deep down inside she is.  But outwardly, she's just "asserting her dominance" to me by telling me what she's going to do, even though she's not in charge.  

More so, I think deep down inside she's coming to realize just how little time she has left, either on this earth or with her dementia.  And she wants to prove that isn't as bad as it is.  This is my mother living in her delusions, which I sort of get, because who wants to face mortality like that?  

So in order to make herself feel better, she tries to tell me what to do.  Or she tries to "tell me how it's going to be".  The thing she's not getting is that she just isn't in charge anymore, because I took control of her finances while she was at the physical rehab facility.  Though it would not matter if she'd have been told about this ahead of time (though, that would have been immensely worse) and been completely aware of what I was doing, she'd still pretend I hadn't done it.  This is how my mom works.  She's told something.  She doesn't like what she's told.  She pretends she was never told it and tries to live her life as though it isn't real.  Like when her physical therapist forbid her from using the basement steps.  I kept catching her down the basement.  And then she stopped, but kept arguing with me, as though I was going to say yes.  Then I had to scream at her.  I had to yell "I AM DONE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU, YOU KNOW THE ANSWER!"  After yelling that a few times, she finally relented.  So now, I'm going to have to blunt with her and tell her that she absolutely has no power over her finances anymore.  But I'm telling you, that won't matter.  She'll still pretend like I never said it and try to "pull one over on me" as much as she can.  

Today she said, in her condescending voice "I think I know what I am going to do with my little chunk of money when we get our stimulus money.  And I know you're going to say it's a waste of money, because I know you don't want to keep the house."  

Again with the whole "you don't want to keep the house" thing.  I should have never told her that.

"Like what, ma?" 

"Well, I want a new picture window."  

Both my kids chimed in and said "Grandma, there is nothing wrong with our window.  We need other things in the house before that.  It's a waste of money."  And they're right.  There is zero reason to make adjustments to our house, especially one that costs that much.  

"No, I'm going to buy a new picture window."

So I replied.  "No we're not."

"I can do what I want.  You can't stop me."  

I laughed.  "Yes, I can.  And we're not getting a window.  That's a waste of money." 

"I know you say it's a waste of money, because you don't want to keep this house.  But what if we live here ten more years?  I want a nice window!"  

I just sighed and looked at her.  "Ma, you know that in 10 years, your mind will no longer be you.  So that means we all will not be living here."

"You don't know that!  I could be fine in 10 years!" she yelled. 

"You've already had dementia for 10 years, and by the time 10 years have gone by, you're into it pretty good.  If there's a next 10 entire years, it's usually spent going downhill.  You know this.  You went through this with both your parents and your brother."  

"No, it can slow down.  Dementia doesn't always progress!"  Oh good lord.  That made me feel pretty sad.  I know she doesn't think that.  I know she knows her dementia is progressing.  She can barely speak at times anymore without not being able to form her words properly or even remember what she's saying.  

And the thing is, ever since she came home from physical rehab, she's gotten worse daily.  And it's only been a little over a week.  She can't remember simple things anymore, and even forgot she has diabetes or what the "heel" part of her foot is.  I hate telling her this stuff, about her dementia.  But sometimes I don't know what else to say.  I guess I could humor her more.  I guess I could have said "In ten years we will have our own place, we will not be still living here."  But had I said that, she'd have said she would refuse to come with us (as though she'd be invited) and then I'd still have to say she'd be in a home by then.  

All of our conversations like this are convoluted in the same way.  I make a valid and sensible point, she will counterpoint my point with something insane or something that really makes no sense.  And I will point out that her point is crazy, and she will say something even crazier.  My therapist says when she does this she's just baiting me to argue and to not engage her.  So usually I just say "Okay, whatever you say" and leave the room.  But she just kept on. 

"How are you going to stop me?  I'll just call and tell them to do it." 

A) she does not have the brainpower to pull this off herself, without my help (I help with every choice she makes, because she asks me to, because she can't do much alone--even buy things on Amazon herself)

B) like I would just let strangers in my house who are there to put in a new picture window and not tell them "Hey, my mom has dementia and is not in charge of house repairs, so I am sorry she wasted your time" and send them away

C) she has zero way to pay someone the money for any work around the house, I wonder how she thinks she'll have access to her stimulus payment to pay the workers?

D) she is in DEBT, and her money needs to go to those debts (credit cards), rather than spending it stupid shit that our house doesn't need (this is an argument I can use with her)

How will I stop her?  Many different ways.  Ways, that if she wasn't a narcissist or didn't have dementia, she'd clearly see.  But she's an eleven year old brain in the body of a seventy-four year old and she wants to push back on authority, like that eleven year old kid.  But then again, if she wasn't a narcissist or had dementia, we'd not be having these conversations/arguments in the first place.

So this is just the beginning.  I know how she works.  And the battle for the control of the house or the money is just beginning.  I knew this wasn't going to be easy.  Even though at first she acted okay with it.  But me saying that we're not staying in this house forever has set off her alarm bells and now she doesn't want to back off without a fight.  Oh well, I can't take it back.  Now I just have to deal with the fallout and aftermath of what I chose to tell her (about us walking away from this house no matter what).  

So let's get ready to rumble, ladies and gents. Let's hope it ends up getting easier rather than harder. 

That's what she said to me to me today.  I am not sure if it was a dementia moment or a "I create my own reality" lie.  Today she finished her thought about me not living here after something happens to her.  She said "What if I live another twenty years?"  I just looked at her and wondered what in the hell?  She's got a pacemaker, a bad heart, a bad liver, bad kidneys, bad lungs, and a bad brain.  Twenty years?   Yeah, sure.  So I giggled and made a joke out of it (because that's how we are with each other, we say goofy stuff and make jokes) and pointed to my head and said "You won't be home in here in twenty years."  And then I said, AGAIN, "What if you have a stroke?  You'd need round the clock care."  She replied "They can come take care of me here."  I said "In our home?  Wow, you must have forgotten how poor we are.  Did you forget we all live in this house only because of the fact we split everything 50/50?  Who will pay for that?"  She started laughing and said the dog would.  She knew she was spouting crazy stuff then and turned it into a joke.  But then she said "Well, you can't put me in a home.  You promised you'd take care of me."  I lowered my eyebrows at her and said "I did no such thing.  I've always been up front and honest with you that once you're in a wheelchair, bedridden, or your dementia gets worse, you'll be in a home.  You know this."  

I get she's scared.  I know this.  But I can't stand this game she likes to play with me.  The "Let's pretend Shay said things she didn't say and let's make her have to explain it all again to me game".  Now, again, if this is a dementia game, as I said in my last post, then I am okay with that.  But it's not.  This is how my mother has always been.  She lives in a fantasy world and will not like what you say to her, so she'll promptly make herself forget it and then pretend something else is true.  

This is what she'd do with my father's abuse.  Bringing up his abuse was FORBIDDEN in our house.  If you did, she'd stomp out of the room screaming like a little kid.  She could not handle admitting that just yesterday, my father bruised her or called me names he shouldn't have.  She'd walk in to find my father apologizing and she'd scream and stomp out.  Then when she'd come back, she'd act like nothing happened with a smile plastered on her face.  This is where my fear of confrontation came from.  Eventually mother won out, and father stopped apologizing, for fear of her reaction.  And because of that, father drank even more than before.  

Her coping mechanism is so childish, but I get it.  Though at the same time, I am a fucking adult and I do not play these games.  My husband and I, and our kids, do not act like this.  We get to the root of our bullshit and we apologize and grow and change and do better.  And we forgive when we don't.  It's healthy, and growing up the way I did, I don't know how I knew the right thing to do, but I did.  And that was all me.  Nobody taught me that.  Or maybe my dad did?  I never questioned if my father loved me.  Because he always made amends.  Maybe deep down I knew that was the right way to deal with things because of my dad made me feel when he wasn't an abusive asshole.  

But I left the conversation with my mom, because I am not playing this game again with her.  She knows for 100% fact she's going into a home.  I've never lied to her on that.  I am not mean about it.  I just state facts (in the nicest way possible).  So for her to tell me that I promised to take care of her forever, she very well could be joking, based upon knowing I told her straight to her face I will never change one of her diapers.  Ever.  I am not that person.  I can do that stuff for people I love, those that are my family, but not her, because she is not part of my family (I didn't say that part to her, for obvious reasons).  

The moment she needs a diaper, she's going into a home.  Period.  The moment she needs help on the toilet, she's going into a home.  Period.  The moment she can't bathe herself anymore.  Home.  The moment she wanders out of our house and doesn't know where she is.  Home.  The moment she is violent with me (and I know she'll eventually get violent, it's in her nature).  Home.  The moment she starts doing crazy shit that will hurt her.  Home.  The thing is, my mother needs to be safe.  She needs people to take care of her.  I am only one person.  I cannot do that for her.  And I will not.  I refuse.  She's not my responsibility.  And she knows this.  

So I will not have this conversation with her again.  And if this is a dementia issue?  Then what's the point of telling her I'm putting her in a home over and over again?  That's just mean.  

So the next time she brings this up, I'm going to say "Oh, I don't know, we'll just deal with it when the time comes."  And change the subject.  And if she presses the subject, I will flat out tell her this is not her issue to worry about, and walk away.  And like my therapist said, if she continuously says something that's on purpose to make me uncomfortable, then I should state "I am not having this conversation with you again."  But again, only if I can see this is clearly not a dementia issue.  If it's a dementia thing, I'll just say the first thing I said above, about dealing with it when the time comes.  

Life with a demented narc is so much fun.  Never a dull moment.  

Now, I know I said that I am trying to take her behavior more as dementia than as personal attacks, and I really am.  But sometimes I can see her delusional behavior rear its ugly head and it still bothers me.  I wish it didn't.  I know that with more mindful practice of changing my mindset from "attacking" or "on purpose" behavior to "dementia" behavior will eventually get to me the point where nothing she says bothers me.  I did that with my ex-husband.  With him, I made a choice one day to not let a single thing he said bother me anymore.  I said to myself "I always expect him to be normal, a normal parent and a normal person.  But he keeps letting me down, so from this day on, I will never again expect anything normal from him again.  That way, he'll just be who I think he is, and I won't be angry over being let down anymore."  And it worked.  Nobody understood my mindset, they all said "Well, doesn't it make you angry he did this or that?"  I would say "Nope.  That's what I expect of him.  What else was he going to do?"  Mainly it was him neglecting our children, not showing up, or when he did have them, he'd do something stupid.  So if I expected him to do something stupid, how could he disappoint me?  

That being said, I did not still live with him when this was going on.  In fact, I hardly ever heard from him.  So it was easy to let go of his actions, since I only had to deal with him on a quarterly or less basis.  But when someone lives with you?  It's not so easy.  

Here are some of the things she's delusional about: 

• She thinks she'd going to live in his house until she dies, and I'm going to take care of her.  Too bad I've told her a billion times she'd going into a home when the time comes (when she's wheelchair bound or otherwise--or perhaps even sooner, if we can get our shit straight to buy our own place).  
• She thinks she'd going to be mentally healthy for a very long time.  She always makes comments about buying stuff and how in a couple years she'll be here to see it (like plants or the car, etc.).  This may be wishful thinking on her part, but I doubt it.  I know my mother and how she works.  She lives in a fantasy world and only operates from that space.  Now, I am not the asshole who's going to burst her bubble and say "Well, you do realize your dementia is going to take your brain before that, right?"  I don't even tell her when she says something crazy, I just nod my head and say okay, because I know how scary it must be to realize you're losing your mind.  But to wholly not accept it, as though the word "dementia is okay to admit she has, but the act of dementia--the symptoms, and the outcome, has nothing to do with her at all.  She compartmentalizes these things, separates them into boxes in her brain: one she can think about, one she refuses to admit even exists.  Denial is a type of delusion.  It's a made up way to think so she doesn't have to face the truth.  And then I'm stuck having to deal with her immaturity based on this delusion.  I'm stuck having to make the choice of saying why these things she wants to are impossible.  Do I make something up?  Do I speak the truth?  Do I play a game of roundabout?  What is the right choice in any given situation?  I never know and sometimes regret whatever choice I make.  I really resent having to be put in the position to have to do that.  Again, I would not resent it if it were only "dementia related behavior".  But it's not.  It's narcissism.
• She thinks she can still tell me what to do, as though we're co-creators of my life, and anyone's life that she's currently talking to.  Also known as "meddling".  She's been this person since day one.  She thinks that if you tell her something, she has the right to "give you advice" as though you even asked for it.  And if you don't do what she says, she gets angry and will hound you until you do what she says.
• And this brings me to the last thing she'd delusional about (though she has many more things I could talk about it, but they aren't relevant in this post), is that she still thinks she's in control of financial choices for this house (or in her life in general).  I thought I made it clear by taking control of her money that she's not.  But I guess not.  I guess the next step will be flat out tell her that she's not the financial decision maker anymore.  

I can't stop laughing at this picture above.  It certainly does not indicate how my hubby feels about my mother's strange love of him.  It makes him feel awkward and gross inside.  I am sure we've talked about this before: my mother thinks my husband is too good for me and constantly reminds me how great he is and how I "lucked out".  No bitch, I chose him.  I didn't luck out.  I carefully chose him.  I started dating him and waited like FOUR months before introducing him to my 3 and 7 year old.  I had to make sure he was a good man and that he was not some kind of fly-by-night weirdo.  And then, I had to make sure he was going to be good father.  Had he not been? I'd have kicked his ass to the curb.  Their father was awful to them.  I was not going to make the same mistake twice.  See, I divorced my ex-husband after six years of his bullshit.  My mother, on the other hand, remained her abusive marriage until the man was dead.  So, tell me again how I "lucked out", mom.  I chose better than she did.  I always have and always will.  

She acts like he's the only one who chose to be in this relationship, and I couldn't say no because who else was going to take me?  Like I was some kind of charity case with two kids that he agreed to take on, I was some kind of burden, and he is some kind of fucking hero.  "Not too many men will take on a single mother with two kids", she'd say in her condescending voice.  Bitch, you realize it's like 2005 (when we met) and men all the damn time choose girlfriends and wives who have kids?  This isn't 1963 anymore, you hollow shell of a human.

The thing is?  My husband is a fucking hero.  To me.  Not because he choose to take us as his family.  That part was easy.  Him and the kids were best friends and loved the ever loving crap out of each other.  But because he's god damned wonderful.  He isn't perfect.  And he admits that, and he changes each time he messes up.  He and I change together, grow together, and have each other's best interests at heart.  You know that song by Kelly Clarkson "Piece by Piece"?  That song is about my husband.  Not literally.  Because Kelly wasn't married to Mr. Brooks before (at least I don't think so).  But piece by piece, he shows me how it feels to be loved without manipulation, control, or anything other than just being me.  And I do the same for him.  He has a narc mother, too.  And I've shown him how real love should look like.  He and I have our glaring flaws.  But we allow them and help each other heal so we can be better people in the future to each other, but also for ourselves.  

But my mother tells me, in so many words, practically every single day, that my husband is gold, and I am worth dirt.  "Oh, he's so wonderful!  You are so lucky!  You got a good one!"  She has never once told him that he has a good one, or that I am awesome or wonderful.  She doesn't tell her friends that, or strangers.  Just about him.  She brags on him every chance she gets.  "Oh, my daughter is married to writer!"  or "Oh my son in law is going to college, holding down a full time job, mows the lawn, and writes books!  He's super human!"  Never mind he went to college last year during his six month covid layoff, and before that, he worked as an ambulance dispatch worker, and only worked 7 days out of two weeks, so he had 7 entire days to do school in every two week period.  Never mind we ALL mow the lawn (though not mummy, she can barely walk).  Never mind he didn't write a single book while attending college (though since, he's written like four! whoo hoo!).  "Oh, are you writing a book?" she'll ask if he's on his computer.  She never asks me that.  Though, maybe that's for the best since I'm usually writing about her.....

So today she's going on and on and on about how my husband has to "suffer" through waiting with her during her doc's appointment.  Oh poor Mr. Brooks!  He had to sit in a waiting room with her!  It was the worst thing ever!  A whole half hour!  She's been going on about this since it happened.  Good lord.  She was going on about it there, and my husband said "Listen, even if Shay came with, I'd have to wait in the car.  So why would I want to do that in the cold?"  This is a sound argument.  But not to my mother.  No way.  "But still, I felt so bad for you to have to wait for so long!"  This was pre-appointment.  Had she been with me?  She would not be fawning over me.  Instead, she'd be PISSED and would be literally yelling at the nurses about taking so long.  But since Mr. Brooks was there, she instead poured her bullshit into pity for him, instead.  

What a crock of shit. 

And then she would not stop talking about it, for days on end.  Then today, she turned to me and said it again.  She went on and on about how Mr. Brooks had to suffer through sitting in the waiting room with her, waiting for her appointment, and I said "So it's okay for me to suffer?  Because that's what you're saying here.  You're saying I should have come with, and Mr. Brooks should have waited in the car, and then I'd be the one suffering by sitting in the waiting room with you."  And the thing is, I would have suffered, because she would have made having to wait with me hell.  But she's always on her best behavior with Mr. Brooks, which is partly why he takes her (the other part is to give me a break from doing everything for her).  So she looks at me and says "Well, I guess so."  And then she wandered off and didn't bring it up again.  

Sometimes, you can get her stop obsessing just by pointing out that she sounds cruel or mean or rude.  Sometimes she gets angry.  But lately, she's been accepting what I've been saying (not always, just with some things) and stopped bringing things us.  For now.  Because with her, it always comes back up later, when she's bored and wants to stir shit up.  But for now, she's quiet about it.  

And the thing is, my husband gets so uncomfortable when she fawns over him and then treats me badly.  It's just strange and he always jokes that she wishes he was her husband and not mine (she'll literally tell me what to do with my own husband, especially if there's work to be done).  One day I'm going to snap and say "Why is Mr. Brooks so sacred to you?  Why do you have this obsessive need to treat him like a god or your king, but then treat the rest of us like your slaves?"  And the day will come when I will say this, because it's long overdue.  And I have a big mouth LOL  

I don't always have a big mouth.  But I do when I need to.  

Anyways, just another blog post about how much my mother loves my husband in a very strange way.