Well, not really.  I think deep down inside she is.  But outwardly, she's just "asserting her dominance" to me by telling me what she's going to do, even though she's not in charge.  

More so, I think deep down inside she's coming to realize just how little time she has left, either on this earth or with her dementia.  And she wants to prove that isn't as bad as it is.  This is my mother living in her delusions, which I sort of get, because who wants to face mortality like that?  

So in order to make herself feel better, she tries to tell me what to do.  Or she tries to "tell me how it's going to be".  The thing she's not getting is that she just isn't in charge anymore, because I took control of her finances while she was at the physical rehab facility.  Though it would not matter if she'd have been told about this ahead of time (though, that would have been immensely worse) and been completely aware of what I was doing, she'd still pretend I hadn't done it.  This is how my mom works.  She's told something.  She doesn't like what she's told.  She pretends she was never told it and tries to live her life as though it isn't real.  Like when her physical therapist forbid her from using the basement steps.  I kept catching her down the basement.  And then she stopped, but kept arguing with me, as though I was going to say yes.  Then I had to scream at her.  I had to yell "I AM DONE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU, YOU KNOW THE ANSWER!"  After yelling that a few times, she finally relented.  So now, I'm going to have to blunt with her and tell her that she absolutely has no power over her finances anymore.  But I'm telling you, that won't matter.  She'll still pretend like I never said it and try to "pull one over on me" as much as she can.  

Today she said, in her condescending voice "I think I know what I am going to do with my little chunk of money when we get our stimulus money.  And I know you're going to say it's a waste of money, because I know you don't want to keep the house."  

Again with the whole "you don't want to keep the house" thing.  I should have never told her that.

"Like what, ma?" 

"Well, I want a new picture window."  

Both my kids chimed in and said "Grandma, there is nothing wrong with our window.  We need other things in the house before that.  It's a waste of money."  And they're right.  There is zero reason to make adjustments to our house, especially one that costs that much.  

"No, I'm going to buy a new picture window."

So I replied.  "No we're not."

"I can do what I want.  You can't stop me."  

I laughed.  "Yes, I can.  And we're not getting a window.  That's a waste of money." 

"I know you say it's a waste of money, because you don't want to keep this house.  But what if we live here ten more years?  I want a nice window!"  

I just sighed and looked at her.  "Ma, you know that in 10 years, your mind will no longer be you.  So that means we all will not be living here."

"You don't know that!  I could be fine in 10 years!" she yelled. 

"You've already had dementia for 10 years, and by the time 10 years have gone by, you're into it pretty good.  If there's a next 10 entire years, it's usually spent going downhill.  You know this.  You went through this with both your parents and your brother."  

"No, it can slow down.  Dementia doesn't always progress!"  Oh good lord.  That made me feel pretty sad.  I know she doesn't think that.  I know she knows her dementia is progressing.  She can barely speak at times anymore without not being able to form her words properly or even remember what she's saying.  

And the thing is, ever since she came home from physical rehab, she's gotten worse daily.  And it's only been a little over a week.  She can't remember simple things anymore, and even forgot she has diabetes or what the "heel" part of her foot is.  I hate telling her this stuff, about her dementia.  But sometimes I don't know what else to say.  I guess I could humor her more.  I guess I could have said "In ten years we will have our own place, we will not be still living here."  But had I said that, she'd have said she would refuse to come with us (as though she'd be invited) and then I'd still have to say she'd be in a home by then.  

All of our conversations like this are convoluted in the same way.  I make a valid and sensible point, she will counterpoint my point with something insane or something that really makes no sense.  And I will point out that her point is crazy, and she will say something even crazier.  My therapist says when she does this she's just baiting me to argue and to not engage her.  So usually I just say "Okay, whatever you say" and leave the room.  But she just kept on. 

"How are you going to stop me?  I'll just call and tell them to do it." 

A) she does not have the brainpower to pull this off herself, without my help (I help with every choice she makes, because she asks me to, because she can't do much alone--even buy things on Amazon herself)

B) like I would just let strangers in my house who are there to put in a new picture window and not tell them "Hey, my mom has dementia and is not in charge of house repairs, so I am sorry she wasted your time" and send them away

C) she has zero way to pay someone the money for any work around the house, I wonder how she thinks she'll have access to her stimulus payment to pay the workers?

D) she is in DEBT, and her money needs to go to those debts (credit cards), rather than spending it stupid shit that our house doesn't need (this is an argument I can use with her)

How will I stop her?  Many different ways.  Ways, that if she wasn't a narcissist or didn't have dementia, she'd clearly see.  But she's an eleven year old brain in the body of a seventy-four year old and she wants to push back on authority, like that eleven year old kid.  But then again, if she wasn't a narcissist or had dementia, we'd not be having these conversations/arguments in the first place.

So this is just the beginning.  I know how she works.  And the battle for the control of the house or the money is just beginning.  I knew this wasn't going to be easy.  Even though at first she acted okay with it.  But me saying that we're not staying in this house forever has set off her alarm bells and now she doesn't want to back off without a fight.  Oh well, I can't take it back.  Now I just have to deal with the fallout and aftermath of what I chose to tell her (about us walking away from this house no matter what).  

So let's get ready to rumble, ladies and gents. Let's hope it ends up getting easier rather than harder.