So apparently what my mother needed to get out of her funk is to be told she has cancer.  

Mmmkay. 

The other day, Mr. Brooks took her to the dermatologist and found out that the mark on her nose is most likely cancer.  Though they assume it's 100% curable with removal of the mark.  That day, she came home in a mood.  You'd think a foul mood, but no.  She was back to her insanity being completely insane.  Like hyper insane.  She was on some sort of kick (she gets on these kicks, usually due to some sort of external thing, but they usually don't last--let's hope this one doesn't) and starting putting her hands on people again, starting with punching my husband in the knee and hitting me with a box.  She's not allowed to do these things, because she hurts people, but all bets are off when you're high on a cancer diagnosis.  

And then she starts in with the "participating".  What I mean by "participating" is when mother gets into a mood where she wants to be a part of everything everyone is doing, at all times.  Every little second, she's commenting and bossing people around, and being overall annoying, and sometimes downright rude.  She can quickly get on people's nerves when she's like this, because she just doesn't stop.  It's constant.  

So we live in toad country (it's like wine country, but with less drunk people and more ribbits), so my son decided to create a terrarium for some toads that live in our backyard (there's like a billion) complete with dirt and plants and stuff.  So we laid the large pieces of gravel down, covered it with a screen, and then put the dirt in and then found some isopods to add in (we have a wooded area behind our house so there's tons of isopods in there), leaves, sticks, big rocks and some cork bark for them to play in and on.  It's actually pretty rad and I wouldn't mind living in it.  But I'm slightly too big, so that's not going to happen (yet!).  

Anyways, my son's out digging in my garden for dirt, and she's yelling at him the whole time.  Not like mean yelling, just commenting loudly and giving him orders.  Then he's gathering leaves and whatnot and she's screaming "You have enough!  There will be no more room for the frogs!  You don't need anymore!" and he asked for my help with something and she's screaming "Do it yourself!  Your mother doesn't need to help you!  Do you need to ask your mother for help with everything?!"  And shit like that. THE ENTIRE TIME.  So we head into the house to start putting it together, and she's follows him in and sits right at the table and makes comments "Put it there!  No, I said over there!  Why do you need that?  What are you doing?"  Blah blah blah blah blah blah.  For months, she's been silent.  Like a ghost haunting the halls of Brooks Manor.  And then all of a sudden it's like someone turned her off switch to SUPER FUCKING HIGH!  The contrast was deafening and I could not tolerate it, so my poor son, who does well ignoring her (bless him), had to work on it alone, with her bitching and barking orders at him the entire time.  I snapped a couple of times at her, when she was going overboard, but she didn't seem to notice, because she kept right on.  

Good grief.  

My son is an adult, btw, so don't think I left a kid alone to take her shit.  If he was like 8, I'd be all over her ass to shut up (and I have been, because she did act this when he was 8--hell, she acted like this up until she became depressed).  And it makes my son uncomfortable when I snap at her, so I left the room and came in to help when needed (I got to carry the toads up from his room to transfer them from their old enclosure to their new one!  And I scared the shit out of the poor things.  Oops.).  

Yesterday she wasn't as bad.  Today either.  Most likely, she'll go back to her depressive self, where she spends massive amounts of time alone and hardly speaks to anyone.  Which makes me sad, because I don't like anyone to feel this way.  But at the same time, when she feels good, she acts like what I described above.  

When we first moved in here a year ago, that's how it was, all day, every single day.  For months on end. Like, almost the entire year.  When she's depressed, she stays out everyone's business and doesn't interfere or usually do things she's not supposed to do (well, that's not true, she still does shit she's not supposed to do, but it's minor compared to when she's not depressed).  She makes everyone's lives easier in this house.  But I do not feel right letting her suffer so we all can live better.  Sounds dumb, because she does so much stuff that's hurtful and mean at times.  But I'm not her.  I do not enjoy letting someone else feel bad so I can feel good.  She's batshit crazy and annoying when she feels good, but I'd rather her feel good.  Even though it makes my life a living hell at times.  

I can live better knowing I did what I could to help her be happy while she's with us, rather than letting her suffer for our benefit.  But that doesn't mean I'll let her start hitting people again or being an asshole to everyone (especially my oldest son--he's scapegoat #2).  There is a limit.  

Anyways, her docs (neither of them) will up her depression meds.  They want her to do therapy.  And I hate, hate, HATE her using my phone to do phone call appointments if I am not in the room.  I do not like having her have unfettered access to my private data (not cellphone data, but the data I store on my phone LOL).  And I hate that Mr. Brooks could text me at any time and she'd see it.  She is nosy as SHIT and will certainly read it.  She's horrible like that.  Once, I buttdialed her and she listened to an entire conversation my husband and I had about me getting surgery (which was just suggested to me by my doc) and she never hung up the phone.  I got back and she started talking to me about it, as though it was any of her fucking business.  I was horrified.  As a kid, she'd read all my notes I'd pass to friends at school and then yell at me about what was said in them.  She is HORRIBLY nosy.  Or as we in the real world say, she has ZERO respect for boundaries.  So no, I will not let her use my phone for an hour each week, alone, in her room, with the door shut.  

So I found a workaround.  I found that you can use Google Duo on an old phone.  I have lots of those laying around.  All you have to do is sign up with Google Voice with a real number and you can install it on any phone.  And then use Google Duo with that Google Voice number and bam!  You got yourself a phone for doctor's appointments without draining your battery or getting update notifications which fuck Google Duo video calls up (for real, it really messes up your video call). You can't call out with Google Voice on an old phone (maybe you can, but I can't for some reason).  But you can use Google Duo!  Hooray!  Which is all I need it for.

So now to sign her up with a therapist.  And she can even keep the phone if she likes.  Oh, and I use a phone stand for her, since she can't figure out how to hold it up properly.  

Since her cancer diagnosis perked her up (insanely), I am thinking therapy might actually work.  Granted, I am not looking forward to her becoming insane again, but I honestly can't live with myself letting her be depressed without trying to help her.  No, I don't owe her jack shit.  I know this.  But I am not a bad human.  I don't have to owe someone to help them.  If she didn't live with me, it may be a different story.  But she lives here because I chose to take care of her until I can't anymore.  And this is within the realm of what I can do.  I can't change her diapers.  I can't lift her.  I can't have her in a wheelchair in our house.  Things like that.  But I can advocate for her mental health.  

Like I said, I don't owe her anything.  And I know she owes me everything: money, apologies, etc.  But I know I can't collect because she'll never give me what she owes me.  But I really can't collect by letting her suffer.  That's the difference between me an her.  She'd let me suffer if she thought I owed her.  I am not her.  And I will not let her behavior define me to be like her.  

So, hooray for Google.  Even though they are our evil corporate overlords who use everything we say and type on our phones and computers to create ads for us to buy things and to even sway the way we think about politics.  At least they gave me a way for my mom to get mental help without her nosy ass using my phone.  So, uh, yeah.  That's something, right?