Our kids went camping on Sunday.  They are really into survival stuff, as am I, and we wanted to make the best out of their first time camping alone.  We spent too much money, but it was worth it.  Even though they had rented the site for two days and only ended up staying one.  Nothing beats life experience to tell you how much you hate something.  Turns out, we're all "RV/Camper" type campers and not really tent campers.  My son calls me in the morning to say "You know how I said that people who camp on blow-up mattresses are pussies?"  I laughed and said "Found out you were talking about yourself, eh?"  He replied "Yup.  I cannot believe anyone even likes laying on the hard ground, much less sleep on it."  

So that was a fun adventure.  At least they stayed all night (they kind of had to--the park is locked up at 10).  They last time they went camping, they were little and were at summer camp.  They called us that night to come get them before they even went to sleep.  Now, I don't fault them for that.  They were staying in a bunk with zero air conditioning and the water fountain water was warm and it was like in the 80's overnight and and as hot as the devil's bunghole all day.  My oldest son and I have heat intolerance, so yeah, I would have went home, too.  

But they stuck it out Sunday night.  Even though they were bored out of their minds.  Turns out, you really need a car when camping at a state park, since it's HUGE and if you want to do anything recreational, you have to drive to get there.  They did get a lot of videos of the chipmunk army that invaded their camp, so that was something (my boys are huge animal lovers--we recently adopted four toads from our yard and made a terrarium for them).  

My hubby dropped them off and their gear (we have very small car, so it barely fit the three of them and all their stuff) and then came back and picked up me and my mom to go see their campsite.  And all mother did the entire time we were there was complain, boss around my oldest son (her 2nd scapegoat), bash him for asking me questions (saying things like "Oh come on, do it yourself!"), and then talking over me constantly every time I tried to reply when he did ask me something, until I had had enough and yelled over her, which she did not like.  Then she complained she couldn't smoke.  And then about ten minutes in (yes, it had only been ten minutes by then), she bitched to go home.  On the way home she said "Oh, that was so fun! I got two field trips in one weekend!"  I was so angry and annoyed that I could not enjoy being in the outdoors with my two boys that I just ignored her all the way home.  I'm still annoyed about it, and have been avoiding her as much as I can (though I always keep an eye on her).  

Saturday, the day before camping, we had a thousand places to go (okay, six, but that's a LOT), but she was complaining she wanted to go to the grocery store (which she cannot do) so I caved and said "Well, I'll take you to garage sales if you like instead."  She's a sucker for a garage sale.  It was 90 degrees outside, but she wanted to go, so we did.  I stopped and got cash and we went to the neighborhood association sales across from our neighborhood.  Not many were open, but we found one and she kept trying to buy stuff we already owned.  One conversation went like this:

"Oh, look at this!  Let's get it!" (she holds up a coffee grinder)

"I have that same exact one at home.  We don't need that."

"Yes, but we can use this one for nuts." 

"I don't make things with nuts.  And besides, you can't eat them."

"Yes I can!"

I didn't want to say "You have no teeth."  So I said "No.  You can't."

"If you chop them small enough." 

"Ma, you can use the grinder we have at home for nuts."

"That one has coffee in it."  

"No, it's cleaned out.  We do not need two." 

"Well, I don't want coffee on my nuts!"  

Sigh.  

"Hey ma, look at this shirt.  Isn't this cute?" (trying to get her mind onto something else so she'd stop obsessing about the coffee grinder)

She ran off behind me and yelled "Look at me!"  I turned to see her on an air glider machine.  Good lord.  Those things are NOT stable.  You step on it, and the foot hold moves forward immediately.  How she got up on the damn thing, I will never know, but there she was, gliding back and forth while holding the back legs.  

The lady who lived there looked alarmed and walked up to her and said, very slowly "Listen, you are not being safe.  You need to either hold the front poles, or the front bar.  Not the back.  You are going to fall.  And since this is my house, I am responsible if you fall."  

You'd think she'd know this.  But not my mother.  Even without dementia, she would have done the same thin--she never thinks before she acts.  Then she grabbed the front bar and kept going.  She got herself so sweaty, she got down a couple moments later and said "I need to go home now.  It's way too hot out here."  She couldn't walk to the car, so my son ran and grabbed her cane for her and we walked her to the car and we went home.  

And then we ran all our errands for their camping trip (my mother tried to make me add a 7th stop to get her grapes, but I told her most likely I could not do it, due to how many places I needed to go--let me tell how my mother asked me to get her grapes, btw..she doesn't "ask", she whines in her little girl voice "I WANT GRAPES! I WANT GRAPES! I WANT GRAPES! I WANT GRAPES!--this is not her dementia, ladies and gentlemen, this is always how she acts when I can't do something for her and she wants it) and then I came home, unloaded the car, and collapsed into a heap and went to sleep.  The end. 

Good lord. 

My body and my brain paid me back for doing so much work all weekend by giving me a HUGE flare-up of my POTS symptoms, making me unable to leave my bed all day Monday, until later in the day.  I was in pain, and dizzy as hell, which was only alleviated by laying down.  The day before, my hubby had a migraine all day and was laying down.  Mother says "Oh, does Mr. Brooks not feel good?" in her best pity voice.  I said "He has a migraine."  Again, in her pity voice, she says "Aww, poor guy!  I feel so bad for him.  I wish there was something I could do." ::barfgag::  Then, on Monday, I had my heating pad wrapped around my neck (I get cervicogenic headaches more than I get migraines--though I get both--which is like a migraine in your neck) and I got up to pee and she sees me and says "Oh, got a headache?" in her shitty voice.  I said "yeah".  She said "Well, when you're done feeling bad, you can fix my computer."  

And this is why we make jokes that my mother has a crush on my husband.  Because fuck me if I feel bad.  But "poor Mr. Brooks" if he feels bad.  

I went into her room, restarted her webpage and it fixed the issue and I went back to bed.  There.  Fixed.

I did get up and cook dinner for everyone.  As now I only cook when Mr. Brooks is home.  The rest of the week I precook food so I can just serve it (genius, isn't it?).  

The best part of any time Mr. Brooks is home (he was off Monday, thank goodness) is that the four of us (our kids and us) all play "Don't Starve Together" online together.   It's a great way to destress and have fun and decompress.  Sometimes Mr. Brooks and I play alone together, too LOL Which is what we did yesterday night after dinner until we went to sleep.  

Having to deal with your crazy mother is so much more bearable when you have three other great people living with you that help the crazy times feel less crazy.  She wasn't horrible this weekend (minus the shitty way she treated me when I felt terrible on Monday, but that's how she always treats me when I am sick--even when I was a kid), just a little annoying.  

All in all, it was an okay weekend.  My plants are growing like crazy in my new greenhouse.  And I even got to use my own backyard alone for a little bit (finally--she's been hogging the backyard for like eight hours a day, every single day lately--which would be okay if she didn't smoke).  

This summer is going to be interesting with everything opening back up.  I counted on the lockdown last year to help curb mother's crazy spending habits.  I just hope I broke her of all that enough to not have her constantly asking me for money or to go to the store.  

Oh, and there was one a dementia moment this weekend.  She wondered what was on her pizza.  I said "black olives" (she always bitches I get cheese pizza that I should put things on it..so I did).  And she said "No, the white stuff."  I stared at her said "That's cheese, ma."  She said "Oh? I always thought pizza was red?"  (and I serve pizza at least once a month in our house)

Oh goodness.  Those moments make me sad and remind me of what's coming next.  My therapist told me "When she's being bad or annoying or mean, just remember, this is all temporary."  And these moments remind me of just how temporary it all really is.  

Happy June, y'all.  If you're caretaking your narc parent, just take it one day at a time and remember: this is all temporary.