When you live with your narc parent and the house is in their name and so is the only car you use, you can get pretty complacent and forget just how much control they still have over your life and the lives of your family.  Until you sit down and say "Whoah, if ma had to go in a home, they could take everything away from us.  Oh crap."

So we've been saving up for a car for months, and even though we could have bought one a while ago, I've been reluctant, since buying used cars for us means they always break beyond repair in five minutes.  I grew up my entire life with my parents never having a car payment.  We always bought used cars, and they always lasted.  Granted, my dad was a mechanic, so he could fix them pretty easily.  So I guess, their cars probably broke down a lot, too, it's just that he knew how to fix them himself, and we don't, so we end up always having to trash them.  My oldest son is learning how to fix cars, though I'd love to sign him up for a course or a degree on this, so he'd spend less of our money trying things and having them not work LOL  But I guess that happens even to mechanics, too.  

Anyways, I've also been reluctant to buy one since I don't like change.  I love small minor fun change.  But having a second car (for our household of five) is a big change, which means mother will be asking to go more places regularly.  And I don't want to do that.  I don't want to be pressured to have to drive her to places she doesn't need to be going (she has issues with spending too much money) or to be taking her places when I don't feel well (I have POTS, so I don't feel well, a lot).  And when I say no, she will bitch, moan, complain, be rude to me (or my oldest son), or threaten to punish us.  And who wants to put up with an old woman's temper tantrums?

So I wasn't too keen on finding a car.  But I couldn't say no to this one.  The guy lives right down the street, in a nice neighborhood, he's fixed this one up, its the make and model we wanted (it's an SUV with a truck frame, so it can haul more weight than a newer version of the same car), it's roomy as hell (we have 5 people and four dogs, and we can all fit comfortably together if need be), and I paid out of pocket for it, with zero car payments.  This also means we'll have very low car insurance payments each month, too.  

We haven't had our own car in couple years (we did have one from a shitty "buy-here-pay-here" place that was such a PILE OF CRAP that we just had the tow truck driver drop it off to them, after having to tow it at least six times due to is constantly breaking, and left it there for them to deal with).  So it feels nice to hopefully have our own car again for a short bit (maybe a long bit?).  Though, I know the only way to get a nice enough car will be buy a newer one at the dealership.  But we're still fresh into this whole "making enough money to live on" thing that's been a recent development in our lives, so I am scared to death of taking on payments for something that takes so long to pay off, just in case we don't have the money to do it (been there, done that, more than once). 

The upside is if this one breaks, my son will use it as a car to work on and learn how to fix cars, so there's that  But I hope nothing major happens.  I really like this car (even though it's a strange color), and know that it's really hard for me to like cars.  I hate most cars (I have ASD and I am uncomfortable in most cars LOL). But I loved this one car we had.  But the memory of what happened to it still bothers me, so since then, it's been really hard for me to love another one again.  I know, I'm weird.  Cars aren't people.  But some items in life feel like a part of you, you know?  

But hopefully, for however long we have this car, I will feel a little more secure in owning something that's ours, and not having to borrow hers.  I mean, we still have to drive her car, as Mr. Brooks needs to get work.  But at least if she goes into a home tomorrow for any reason and they can take her car, we'll still have one.  I mean, we won't have a house, but at least we'll have car.  One thing at time, right?  And this one can pull a good-sized camper, so our next job is to find a camper that fits within the weight limits of it's towing capacity (the things you don't think about until you have to...I always thought just "buy a camper" and pull it...nope, you need the right vehicle for the job).  

One step forward, right?  Let's just hope it stays going forward.  Vroom vroom!