The only thing my mother knows how to do is lie about me and her life.  The only thing I know how to do is tell the truth about her and my life.  And because the truth is so awful about her, she has to make up lies about me that equal or surpass what I say.  Granted, she has no idea I have a blog or am writing several (like, almost too many) memoirs about her.  She knows about my original two blog posts, which is where all of this started.  She knows about the fact I told everyone the truth after she melted down about those blog posts.  But that's it.  And that was over seven years ago.  So why she is still spreading lies about me?  And why are those lies probably ones of the worse things you could say about someone?  Especially your child?  

I am trying so hard right now to feel calm.  I want to lay down and cry and never stop because no matter what I do in life, it will be wrong.  I need to move out here.  I can't do this anymore.  I can't put up with being treated this way.  But I have to stay.  Because we have nowhere else to go.  

And the worst part is that her idiot friends believe her lies.  They believe I am capable of things she says about me.  I don't get that.  But then again, they're all one form of narcissist or another, so I kind of do get it.  Because it has nothing to do with me at all.  And everything to do with them.  Including mother.  

And I can't lay down and cry because it will give me a horrible migraine, the worst possible kind.  And she's not worth my fucking tears.  Or giving myself more pain.  

I hate these situations.  Where my family is stuck living with a narcissist (or in some kind of tangled web with one) with no escape.  So I need to change my outlook.  And work hard at getting my memoirs done so maybe, just maybe, we can get the fuck outta here.