My mother likes to keep me on my toes.  She'll respect my boundaries for days on end (or longer) and then just stop, for absolutely no reason.  One of my boundaries is that she cannot come into my room, period.  It's unspoken, but enforced regularly.  So much so, I know that she knows there is a boundary there.  Along with that, she's not allowed to open my bedroom door, also for any reason.  When we first moved in last year (in 2020), she used to just walk right in, like it was her room to do as she pleases.  I woke up plenty of times with her standing over my bed and shaking me while saying "Shay!  Wake up!" and then asking me some asinine question.  And then she'd push me over to sit on my bed, while she snooped through my stuff.  I am a very private person, when it comes to her.  I do not like her in my business or my stuff.  Mostly because I do not trust her with information about my life, because she uses it against me.  Always has, ever since my childhood.  So I do not tell her things and I do not share with her, and I do not allow other people to tell her things about me either.  Though they do anyways.  

Speaking of that, I didn't call C, by the way.  Christmas, her BFF.  I didn't straighten her out yet, because it was giving me horrible panic attacks, because I really hate confrontation. I don't know why, though, as C usually listens to me to some extent.  But I didn't call her, even though I know I still have to bring this all up to her.  

But back to the boundaries issue.  So, I've been able to keep my door unlocked for months.  MONTHS.  And she hasn't violated my boundaries on this.  Then, all of a sudden last week, she started doing it again.  She started out small, and then quit, but then the past two days she's been crazy about it.  So much so that yesterday she tried to literally push past me to go into my room, even though I said my husband wasn't dressed (he was, but he had a migraine and was napping).  She said "Oh, tell him to cover up!" and still tried to push past me with her body to go into my room (and she tried to peek around the corner at him to see if he was really undressed...he could have been dressing! wtf was that about??).  So squared up my body and put my face in her face and said "Move back" in no uncertain terms.  I wasn't playing around.  And I used my body to step forward to usher her into the hallway.  And then I shut my door and addressed what she wanted.  

What she wanted was that she removed her bandages from her surgery from Thursday and wanted my husband to look at her stitches.  And then she said "Is your son awake?  Don't tell him, I'll just go in there."  I moved past her to his room and said "Grandma wants to show you something, hurry up and come look."  The entire time I was walking, she was behind me repeating "I will just go in his room, don't tell him!"  He hates people in his room, so I moved faster than her and hurriedly got him to come see.  I don't know why she was obsessed with going into people's room yesterday, but it was annoying.  She opened my door twice yesterday, too, and the day before.  And, she tried to push past me on Thursday to get into my room as well, to show me her papers after surgery.  It's getting a little crazy with her obsessive behavior again.  In the past, she's obsessed about coming into room my room, but it was literally her saying over and over "I'm going to go in your room!"  And once she told my kids to trick me by knocking for her and she stepped in front of them to come in here.  And even though it's seen as rude, I jumped right up and ushered everyone out of my room.  

Yes.  I allow my kids in here.  And yes, that's fucking rude of me to do, to allow everyone but her.  BUT, nobody else BUT her has violated my privacy for my entire life, especially in 2020.  Back then, I would ask her to shut my door when she'd open it while I was getting dressed and she'd refuse.  That's why I got a fucking lock to begin with.  IT happened so much, with a few times of her citing "I've already seen what you've got, don't be so silly!" as though my naked adult body is hers to see whenever she likes.  Fucking gross.  

Speaking of that, she did that on Thursday.  She opened my door without knocking and I said "Excuse me, I'm getting dressed, shut my door."  She refused and just held the door with her hand, waiting.  So I yanked the door open, which almost made her fall (which is how I found out she was holding the door with her hand, I had no idea--good thing I caught her).  So yeah, safe to say, she's violating my boundaries left and right again.  Today, my dog was in my room barking and I let him out and she said "Oh, you can just tell me to do it and I'll let them out."  I said "No thank you.  I've got it."  I wanted to drive the message home that she's not to be opening my door at all.  But then I added to be funny "Besides, I'd get there before you anyways."  Which she found funny.  

I know I could just tell her outright.  But if you know narcissists, then you'd know it would be a HUGE deal and something she'd bitch about to her friends and I would never hear the end of it.  Plus, she'd be doing the same thing she is now: only following my rules for a moment, then pretending like I never said them.  I hate not being forward with someone like this (especially after all this time), but what's the point if nothing would be different?  She knows my room is off limits to her.  And she doesn't care.  When she respect my boundaries, she's not respecting them at all, she's just biding her time to dive in again.  That's it.  So it's just less drama to lock my damn door and keep her out.  Which always sends the message straight home.  

Well, for a period of time, anyways.  

But this whole trying to push herself into my bedroom bullshit is not cool.  I know whenever she gets hopped up on something (like when she found out she had cancer recently, and now having that cancer removed) she gets really really crazy.  But she's been opening my door since last week.  So now I have to start making my kids lock the door behind them when they come in again.  The thing is?  If my door is wide open and they are in here, she will walk right past and say nothing LOL  Though, I do not have my door open because I know that's an eventual invitation for her to just come in.  So it's always closed, unless one of my kids leave it open.  

I also lock my door when I leave the house.  Which I know is a clear indication to her I do not want people in my damn room.  But I need to remember: she's a narcissist.  She doesn't care what I want, so it doesn't matter what messages I send.  She WANTS me to tell her to stay out of my room.  She WANTS Me to start a fight about it.  Which is why she violates my boundaries.  I refuse, though.  I don't need to engage with her about anything if I don't want to.  And why?  Like I said, what good would it do?  

So, I am just glad I have a lock on my door.  So I can just keep my room locked until she lays off again.  

So much fun living with a narc.  But for now, this is where we have to be.  And a lock on my door goes a long way to keeping me sane LOL