Well, it's been a quiet week for the most part.  Most of the issues we've had have been just little comments, here and there, always downing everything I do for her.  But also, there was her big day out on Saturday, in which we all brought her to Wal-Mart.  And that was a very annoying day.  But other than that, mostly it's been normal.  

But the little comments never ever stop.  I never realized just how much she complains until I started paying attention.  Today, for instance, I bring home red grapes.  Every time I bring home green grapes, she complains they are not red.  So today I bring home red grapes and she says "Boy, these are small, aren't they?"  I reply from the living room "They are all same size, ma!"  And she laughs.

Yesterday I made her tuna casserole and put it over rice.  She loves tuna casserole.  So I got excited to make it for her for dinner.  I should have known better.  Because every single time I get excited to give her something, she always says something demeaning or covertly (and sometimes outwardly) rude.  Every.  Single.  Time.  Not only when I get excited that I made her something, but also when I get excited I buy her something she loves or always wants.  Which is also what happened at Wal-Mart.  But yesterday she looks down at her plate and says "Oh.  I get a mixture tonight.  Interesting."  I said "Ma, it's tuna casserole."  She says "Oh?  I couldn't tell."  And then she changes her tune and says "But I love tuna casserole!"  

Also, every single time I bring her something to eat from somewhere out of the house anymore she will say "Oh, no chocolate shake?"  Even my kids are getting annoyed with her saying that.  They're like "Grandma, not all meals come with chocolate shakes.  Plus, they're like $3-$4 a shake at least!"  

And that brings us to Wal-Mart.  So mother has been asking to go buy new shoes, new jeans, and whatever else was on her list.  So I said we'll get it all done in one place: The Almighty Wal-Mart.  She then took it upon herself to decide we were going to Famous Footwear to get her shoes.  We always go to Shoe Carnival, because we money off after spending so much there.  I mean, we've gone there for at least ten years.  And this time, she decided we were going to Famous Footwear.  Like hell we were.  I said "Wal-Mart first, if no shoes work, then we go to Shoe Carnival.  Period."  She did not like that, but oh well.  I am the parent here.  I decide.  Yes, if WM had nothing for her, and then SC had nothing, of course I'd take her to FF, but we weren't starting with that.  My mother likes to call the shots.  And for my entire life, I've let her.  No more.  FF made no sense to go to first, so it wasn't like I was trying to be controlling or anything.  

Anyways, we went to Wal-Mart.  And my list was bigger than hers, so I said "Okay, who's going with Grandma?  She needs someone with a phone.  I need to get the stuff on my life.  If we all go together, this will take a billion times longer."  And my hubby said "I'll take your mom."  That poor man.  He didn't have to.  My son is very equipped to deal with her and she doesn't bother him the way she bothers us.  And he's her favorite, so she's nicer to him.  But alas, my hubby was taking one for the team.  

Can I just tell you how much I fucking hate Wal-Mart on a Saturday?  Good grief.  So I had to make sure we got out of there in a good amount of time.  So my son and I went off to find the stuff on my life and my poor hubby kept calling me.  "Shay, your mom is pissed.  There is plus size section."  I laughed.  "Yes, there is.  There is a sign."  He replied "Yes, but she can't find it and when we asked where it is, the lady sent us to the wrong place."  So I had to quit what I was doing and I found the section immediately and texted him and said "I am in front of register two.  There is a HUGE sign that reads plus sized women's clothing."  He found me and my mother look around with a shitty face and exclaimed "I HAVE ALREADY LOOKED THROUGH ALL OF THIS!  THERE ARE NO PLUS SIZED CLOTHING!"  Sigh.  I gestured to all the clothes.  "These are all plus-sized clothing, ma.  I don't know what to tell you."  Then we left again to go finish finding what was on my list.  

I get another call.  "Your mom is super huffy and being a jerk to the people that work here.  She's mad and refuses to go look for shoes."  Geezus fucking christ.  "I'll meet you by the shoes," I responded.  I found them and pulled her down an aisle and she literally wandered off without a fucking phone.  So went spent time looking for her and finally wrangled her back to the shoe section.  And guess what?  No god damned seats to try shoes on.  But she found two pairs.  And her cart was filled with random crap, which was fine.  She has her own money to spend.  She asked me "How much money do I have?"  So I told her.  And she said "What if what I buy goes over that amount?"  Sigh.  She had almost $200.  There is ZERO reason to go over that amount of a money as someone with her type of life.  She doesn't buy groceries.  She doesn't buy cleaning supplies.  She only buys what she wants.  So I said "Then you'll have to put something back, won't you?"  Then she stomped her feet and looked at the ground and put on her pouty face and said "I guess so."  

Then we left to go finish my list, and we all met up by the cash registers.  She saw I had apple cider donuts and said "Oh you got some too!"  I said "No, I didn't" and put them back.  There was no reason for us both to buy them, we're 5 people, not twenty.  So I let her buy them.  But she kept saying (demanding) that I keep mine.  Over and over until I said "We only need two each, NO MORE than that, mother" pretty forcefully.  Then she shut up about it. 

I didn't look in her cart.  I should have, but I didn't.  Because she also bought pies and about $50 worth of fucking candy.  And ask me if I've seen that candy since she's gotten home?  I have not.  Growing up, my father and I were shamed for our love of sweets by her.  Mother was all high and mighty on her high and mighty horse who never ate sweets.  Now the seahag can't stop shoveling it into her mouth (which is why she's not allowed to go to grocery stores).  She also bought disinfectant, even though we have some at home, except she's not allowed to use it (she sprays things that should not be sprayed and stinks up the house--I am VERY sensitive to cleaners).  Apparently she also tried to goad my hubby into picking a cleaner that wouldn't bother me, and he kept saying "Don't buy any!  They all bother her!  That's why she makes her own!"  But she refused to listen and behind my hubby's back, stuck some lemon-scented antibacterial spray in her cart.  Which is now in my room.  

I showed her "Look, I found you a box of oatmeal!"  I was happy that I found her something she loves.  And then she picked her her box of oatmeal and ignored what I bought and her screamed in glee "LOOK!  I FOUND APPLE CINNAMON OATMEAL!"  I said "Yes, you like that.  I am glad you found some.  The box I got has your three favorites, apple cinnamon, cinnamon, and maple."  She ignored me again and screamed "YES BUT DID YOU SEE MINE??  IT'S JUST APPLES!  YUM!"  Now, may sound her dementia, but it's really not.  She's always like this.  She gets super excited over strange stuff and she always does that to me.  What I do is below what she does.  All she had to say was "Oh, thank you, I got some too."  But instead, she makes a huge deal over her little thing so my little thing looks like nothing compared to hers.  It's just a box of fucking oatmeal.  She gets apple cinnamon all the time.  But it's a big deal because I got her oatmeal, too.  It's so fucking silly, but at the same time, it's demeaning and hurtful.  But I just threw my box into her cart and went about my business.  She used to do that if I bought something when I was alone at the store and I'd come over to her house and tell her what I found.  She'd then pull out something she found at the store, ignoring my words, and would act exactly the same as above.  It's all game to her.  Who found the best stuff.  Who's right about the weather.  Who's whatever whatever.  She has to one up you, even if it means she'll lie.  It's a fucking game I no longer want to play.  

By the time we came home, my hubby was going out of his mind with aggravation because she drove him fucking nuts the entire time.  I felt so bad for him.  But now we've made a new rule in the house: she's not allowed to go to the stores anymore, PERIOD.  She can go to resale shops.  That's it.  No more Walgreens.  No more Wal-Mart.  No more dollar store.  NOTHING.  She fights everyone on everything (us and the people that work there), is embarrassing and rude, and that is now coming to an end.  No more.  

Feels good to know I don't have to drag her around to stores anymore.  If she wants shoes? I will take her to get those.  But clothes and everything else?  I will buy her online.  And we'll go to resale shops, that's fine.  Once a month when she gets paid.  If even she wants to go.  

I stopped letting her to go to grocery stores back when the pandemic started.  And since then, I told her she's not allowed to go there again, since I am in charge of the groceries and all the cooking.  There is never a reason she needs to go there.  Not since the last time when I spent $200 at the grocery store, and she went out and spent $200 at the same store, and literally bought everything I just bought.  Again, not dementia, she just wanted control of the food (which is something else she does--she buys food and doesn't let anyone have any of it unless she says they can).  So she hasn't gone since.  She's not asked to go either.  Thank goodness.  

The other issue is: her dementia is getting worse.  Almost every single day.  And I think she couldn't find clothes in the plus-sized section because her dementia wasn't letting her understand what she was seeing.  Also, her dementia is making her more agitated.  Which is a very bad thing.  My mother is an angry person.  Deep down, under her fake persona, she's pissed, like all the time.  And always has been since I've been a kid.  And she used to take it out on people by controlling them, hitting them, berating them, and just being an all around jerk.  But see, she can't be a jerk to me, or my family, now.  As we hold all the keys to her freedom.  So her anger just simmers under the surface, waiting to come out in certain situations, like in public, or on days we do things.  And I am scared knowing that soon, it will start manifesting at home (again) and she will start hitting people or getting agitated thinking she can do things she can't (like when she had a MELTDOWN outside of her food doctor's office, thinking she could climb a curb after foot surgery).  Which is why I need precautions put in place soon (like a lock on the basement door, etc.).  So not letting her go to stores that confuse her is a good thing.  Especially not ones she could get lost in, as she almost did at Wal-Mart on Saturday.  And not ones that will agitate her and make her worse. 

Even though she's been raving ever since "OH MY GOD!  IT WAS SO FUN GOING TO THE STORE!"  But also adding in whenever I say "Well, Saturdays are too busy there" she'll say "Well, it's not like I even noticed because I never get to go anywhere!"  And she's right.  I don't take her out much.  But she's always wobbly and total fall risk, or she's in horrible amounts of pain (she has another foot doctor appointment next week), or she's tired.  And most of the time she spends all her monthly money on cigarettes or stuff online, so she doesn't have money to spend out of the house.  Which is good thing, because I really hate taking her places.  She's utterly embarrassing by fat shaming people loudly or talking about black women's hair or something else.  It's not fun for anyone, except apparently her.  

Winter is coming.  Say sayeth Ned Stark.  And that means mother will be in the house more often and will get more stir crazy.  And I have no idea how to entertain her.  I am afraid she will ask to go to the store more often.  But I think I'll stock up on tons of books for her (I bought her two more today), and make sure her Netflix and other streaming services are working in her room (though now she forgets how to pick her profile and just uses mine--so much fun to turn on my streaming service and see tons of old 1950's shows mucking up my "Continue Watching" LOL--though I don't honestly care, at least she's still using it).  And I think I'll also figure out how to create an outdoor place for her to sit and smoke in the cold, that will keep her warm (otherwise she just stands on the porch--luckily I finally got her railings done so she doesn't fall).  

Yeah, so that's this week in Narcissistic Adventures.  I am sure there is more.  But you get the gist.  Same shit.  Different week.  As always.