Three years ago my mother sat me down after coming back from Fartknocker, MO, where my family became homeless and was forced to move back in with my mother after being no-contact for a year and around five months.  It was not what we wanted for our lives.  My plan was to never have anything to do with her again.  And by that point, I was finally getting my shit together, mentally and emotionally, finally detoxed from all her shit.  But back the lions den we were thrown, because the only other alternative was to separate our whole family, including our pets.  There was ZERO way I was going to do that, so above my mother's apartment we went.  

So on this day, after we moved in on the 19th or so, my mother sat me down and tried to have a "talk" with us.  Which meant she was going to accuse us of all sorts of shit, including her telling me "You are the reason your father drank so much.  You're the reason he was abusive.  He had to work all those long hours and then come home and deal with you, a terrible teenager."  I scoffed.  Up until that moment, I had to sit there and let my stomach tie into knots, and say nothing, because she held our freedom in her hands.  We had no jobs, no car, no furniture, no clothing, no bedding, nothing.  And the only option we had to do anything was to let her drive us places.  Luckily, my hubby got a job really quickly, but at the same time, it wasn't lucky, because we had no car (ours had broke down in Buttstank, MO).  But it was lucky because it gave us money that we so desperately needed.  But up until that moment, I couldn't say a word about anything to her because she held our fate in her hands.  If she decided she would not drive my husband to work?  He would not work.  If she decided to get her landlord to throw us out?  We'd be homeless.  We had nothing.  We had nowhere to go.  And we had nobody else to help us.  And my mother knew this.

So she felt perfectly safe in accusing me of causing my father's alcoholism.  Except for the fact he had been one since before I was born.  I said to her "Oh?  You're going to accuse me of being the cause of his drinking?  What about when I was three and he called me 'that little bitch in the other room'?  What then?  What was I doing at three years old to make him drink so much?"  

And of course, in true Warden (her nickname--see also: Seahag) fashion, she said "That never happened!!!"  How can one person be so fucking stupid that they can pretend things never happened that so clearly did?  How can one person be so fucking stupid that they think that we will buy this bullshit that they say?  

I deal with that every single day with her.  There is always something she's lying about or being stupid about.  Today she decided to take my cup that I use for water with my heating pad (I have a sock filled with rice and tied shut, and then I put another sock over it the other direction that I use for a heating pad--it works just as well as the ones you buy--the second sock keeps the first one clean, so you only have to wash the outside one).  I put the water in the microwave with it (because with rice you'll burn it if you don't--plus you want moist heat for muscles), along with spritzing the whole thing with water, and heat for six minutes.  I have chronic pain due to migraines, cervicogenic headaches, and POTS.  And I use my heating pad almost daily.  And I have a special cup I use for the water.  My great-aunty Lutefisk (she's in my memoirs, which hopefully will come out soon) used to paint ceramics and this cup is one she painted.  It's a bit ugly (though she was an amazing artist), and a tiny cup (compared today's coffee cups), and I've had it for years, and have always used it for this.  Nobody want to drink out of it, as it's so small, so it's the perfect cup to use for my heating pad.

Today I went to warm up my heating pad and the cup was missing.  I keep it on top of the microwave with my squirt bottle.  And I finally found it on the counter, filled with vinegar.  I can't stand the smell of vinegar (I am very sensitive to smells which aggravate my sinuses) and I said to my mother, who was in her room, "Please do not put vinegar in my cup.  I need to use it and now it's going to stink up the entire microwave!  I have to wash the crap out of it, but it's still going to smell.  Please do not put vinegar in my stuff."  She said "Your aunt made that cup, I want to keep it!  Use it something else!"  Ugh.  I said "That cup is mine and has been for over ten years, please do not put vinegar in my stuff.  I need to use my cup right this very moment and now I'm stuck washing it out."  She says "Well, I don't want it to get ruined!"  I said very plainly "Do not put vinegar in my stuff.  And if you clean out your coffee maker, do it while I am sleeping so I don't smell it, please.  You know I am sensitive to smells like that.  I've told you that since last year."  She got mad and said "FINE!"  The fact that she wanted to steal my cup for whatever reason and have say-so over how it's used is not okay.  It's MY cup, not hers.  And this doesn't qualify as a lie, but it does qualify as being combative, which is what she was doing three years ago when she said that to me.  She wanted to try to hurt me, make me feel guilty for something that wasn't my fault, and it didn't work.  It doesn't help her agenda when the person she's guilting or being combative to thinks she's a moron.  Not much she can say is hurtful anymore.  Stealing my stuff though?  That angers me.  Ever since we moved in here, I've had to hide all my shit from her, because she steals it or hides it from me (which is the same as stealing).  I even have to have a 2nd dresser in my room to hold all my bathroom supplies (even cleaning supplies) because she will steal it from me.  

Yesterday, I found bottles in the recycling bin with the lids on.  I've told her many, many years ago that the plastic lids on bottles are not recyclable.  So she's been following my advice for years on this.  But I found this bunch in the bin with lids on, so I talked to her about it, and she made excuses, saying I told her to the keep the lids on.  I said "No I did not.  Never once have I said that to you.  There are no plastic lids that are recyclable."  She said "You even brought home bottles that said on the bottle to keep the lids on!"  I said "I think you are mistaken" (and I meant crazy, she's fucking batshit looney with the shit she says sometimes) "there is no such thing as a water bottle that says 'keep the lid on'.  That makes no sense."  She said "Yes you did!  I think they were from Aldi or something."  Sigh.  She loves to lie when she feels like you're accusing her of something.  I then said "Mother, I am not accusing you of leaving the lids on.  Rick and Morty did it (my sons).  They were their bottles.  What I am saying is, you insist on taking the recycling out, so your job before you throw them into the bin is to remove the lids.  I think you should just leave it to me.  I also found non-recyclable plastic in there, too.  Just leave it to me and I will go through the bag and pick out what should be in there and what shouldn't.  Okay?  It's important to me and I can't expect everyone to follow those rules.  So I will just do it."  I am not sure if she agreed or not, but I hope she'll just leave it for me to do from now on, as she's always throwing in random shit that doesn't belong in there.  Then she lies about some story that her friend was collecting bottle caps because they aren't recyclable, and they were going to recycle them themselves.  I told her that melting down plastic is toxic and that's probably the dumbest thing they could do.  And the I asked if she meant they were recycling cans, which makes way more sense, because my kids have a forge they can use with aluminum.  She said no, they melted down the caps to make a chair or a table or something.  I said "Um, okay."  I do know that people iron plastic, but melting it down to make a chair sounds like something she made up.  Who knows, though. (My hubby looked it up just now and saw I guess people do this...so maybe that really happened? LOL)

The day before that, she made a comment about me being barefoot.  AGAIN.  Like always.  I said "You make a comment about me being barefoot every single time I don't have shoes on.  I am in the house, mom, what does it freaking matter?"  She said "Well, ever since my doctor told me that you should never go barefoot, I guess I am just looking out for you."  I giggled.  I said "Your diabetes doctor told you that, because you have diabetes.  Because you don't have as much feeling in your feet.  That's why.  Not anyone else."  She said "Well, that's true.  But before that, I guess it never really bothered me.  I'd go barefoot all the time."  I said "No you did not.  You have never been barefoot in my life.  I have never once saw you without shoes on, unless you were showing me your foot or swimming.  And you haven't swam since I was like ten."  She said "No, I used to go barefoot all the time!"  I said "No you didn't.  You can even look at pictures, you always wear shoes.  Like, from the time you wake up and until you go to sleep."  See, she has horrible toenail fungus, ever since I was a kid.  There is no way in hell she'd ever be caught without shoes.  This one was totally made up.  

Whenever she thinks you think she did something wrong, she will make up stories just to get you stop accusing her or so she doesn't have to say sorry or accept responsibility of doing something wrong.  I normally don't say much to her about this stuff, but this week she's been super off and so have I, so I've been a little more vocal about asking her to stop doing things I don't like.  One time I asked her to stop screaming when I had a migraine, so she yelled louder.  Which made me actually yell at her and say "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"  But I never yell at her unless I absolutely have to, which is very seldom.  Now when I have migraines, I don't leave my room so she won't see me in pain and try to make it worse (which she always does).  

But we've come a long way since 2018.  Not with her (though a little with her).  But in our lives in general.  Now we make more money than she does and she has zero control over our lives.  Just now she asked me to eat some soup for dinner that I bought the other day.  I told her I was making it this weekend for everyone, which is why I bought so many.  She literally got annoyed with me.  Sigh.  Oh well.  I will just hang out in my room with my migraine and let her go be noisy out in the rest of the house.  Fun.  I am just grateful it's not 2018 anymore.  Fucking hell, that was a bad year for us.  I am grateful for where I am on this day three years later.  Because while it's not all unicorns and rainbows, it's nowhere near the amount of putrid shit 2018 was.  Yay for that!