Yes, today was one of those days.  Though, I will say, it's better than it used to be.  But I am waiting for evil mother to make a comeback.  She can't stay away forever.  

Anyways, she's been on a good streak lately.  Like, for her.  But today, she decided that my oldest on is her scapegoat again, and she's treating him like shit again.  

Both my kids cook.  But my mother only recognizes my youngest as a cook.  She sees my oldest as a messmaker.  They are BOTH messy cooks.  But they both can cook amazingly well.  My oldest makes steaks to perfection (something my mother has never learned to do) and he makes this really great "beefsteak" pie, that's from the 1800's.  And whenever he makes dinner, she bitches at him.  If my youngest warms up a poptart, she calls him a fucking chef.  

Now, my youngest is a bakery chef.  He also deep fries, and makes other things.  My oldest is a dinner guy, and loves to make complicated lavish meals.  They both have their strengths and make a great team (both in cooking and in life).  But my youngest is the only person she says should go to "chef school".  It's so fucked up.  

So today, she found every way to compliment my youngest, but constantly blamed my oldest for everything and even yelled at him about stuff that he wasn't even doing.  She's such a fucking cunt about it, too.  And it makes me want to scream.  And I tell you, I am not going to let her get off without a stern talking to the next time she bitches at him.  I will literally say "What has crawled up your ass?  You've been mean to my kid all week!  Knock it off!"  And that will get her to stop.  If you call her out on her shit, she will quit.  For a bit, at least.  

And here's the thing: my oldest seeks her attention and approval.  And she fucking knows it.  And uses it against him.  I tell him all the time, stop asking her to look at what you've made.  She knows you want her approval and will not give it to you, just to hurt you.  I know how it is though, needing her approval.  I don't do that anymore, like at all (though last year I did).  So I get it.  But to see my son get treated that way makes me want to slap her in her fucking face.  But I am not a violent person, so I will just think about it instead LOL  But I am going to talk to her about it if this continues.  

Also, today she opened my door, twice.  One time it was to literally blame my oldest son for something he didn't do, when it was his brother who did it.  And when she found that out, she said nothing.  Asshole.  I hate that she makes it so I don't have a choice but to always have my door locked.

And she insisted I bring up her Snowbabies from the basement.  They are these figurines my great-Aunt Lutefisk gave her throughout the years (though I doubt she remembers where they came from).  It's October, not December.  But whatever.  These Snowbabies were a hot topic for a bit, as when we moved in, she had all her stuff divvied up for other family members.  Including these figurines.  She wanted me to give them to my cousin's daughter, who doesn't even know her LOL  I said "Ma, she's a preteen girl, she doesn't want a bunch of figurines from a crazy old aunt she doesn't even know."  Hell, even her mother and aunt (my cousins) didn't want my aunt Lutefisk's hand-painted (by her) china plates.  So why would her daughter want something that same aunt bought and gave to my mother as a gift?  So dumb.  Oh, also, when my aunty bought them for her?  All she did was complain and say they were stupid.  And she said she only put them up because aunt Lutey would see she hadn't.  But now she acts like they are priceless.  Sigh.  

So I keep telling her "I want them, so don't give them to anyone."  Granted, when I first said it, it was because I was so angry with her for how she treated me after going no contact with her, but now I may actually want them (or not).  Whether I keep them or not, it should be up to me, as I am her only child.  But also, I hate my extended family, so I'd rather throw them in the trash than give one freaking thing to them.  But I would never do that.  Throw perfectly good things away that someone else in the world may want or like.  I'm not that petty.  

But she insisted on putting them up already, which is fine by me.  She has dementia, and we have no idea how long her memory will hold out, as it's getting worse every day.  So if she wants to put up Christmas decor now?  Let her.  The figurines are cute anyways (though a bitch to dust).  But she did get mad at me for 1) insisted I keep one thing of mine on the shelves (we have these strange shelves that separate the living room and kitchen) and 2) because she wanted to take down my son's birthday decorations to fit all her figurines in (though, still not enough room) and I told her no, because the cats will knock her figurines down on those bottom shelves and I don't want them to break.  She said I need more room, I said just pick your favorites.  

That's a thing people with large collections need to remember: if you don't have enough room for all your shit?  Pare down the collection (and rotate them), rather than trying to make the space bigger (she says as she has overflowing cookbooks falling off the bookshelf).  Okay, I'll go take my own advice and clean my cookbookshelf (wouldn't that be a whole word, because "bookshelf" and "cookbook" are both full words, so you should be able to combine them, amright?).  I am trying to teach my mother about being more minimalist while I am teaching myself the same thing.  You should have seen the chaotic bullshit ass mess we had when we first moved in.  Good grief.  I had to fight her (like mentally knife-fight her) on getting rid of all the extra stuff she had.  Wow were our cabinets packed.  She taught me to be the same way, but in 2018, I learned how to do better, because losing everything you own does that to you.  Or, at least, can do that to you.  And luckily, it did that to me.  Because good god, I was worse than her before that.  But that's what I grew up with.  It was all I knew.  If you had one something, you needed 10 more.  That's the motto we both followed.  And it had nothing to do with "Depression" living (those in the Depression learned to live that way due to not being able to get things again) because my mother's too young for that and didn't grow up that way herself.  It's hoarding, plain and simple.  It's also being addicted to shopping, as my mother is (and even though I've broken her of the actual act of it, she's still emotionally addicted and asks me to go shopping all the time).  And now since I've been paring down for the past year, we're finally getting to a manageable amount of shit in our house.  And as I keep going, we'll have less and less and less, until we only have things we either need, or love.  

It's a work in progress, because, as I said, I am teaching myself at the same time.  But I've come a long, long way, and most of my battles are with her about junk around the house, rather than my own battles.  Which sucks, because I hate having to manage another human in my life.  But it is what it is.  

Let's just hope she chills out and stops being an asshole to my oldest son.  Though that will never, ever happen, because for some reason, she's picked him as her scapegoat and he will be forever.  

I can't wait until she's in a home.  

We'll be talking to an elder/estate attorney soon.  Then we'll know what our options are.