So, for the past few days, my mother has been talking about having my oldest son (her scapegoat) take her to Walgreens to get everyone Christmas presents.  I could not fathom what she would buy at Walgreens, but with her dementia, that store is her safe space, the one she is most familiar with, so it would have been fine.  But my son hates taking her anywhere, mostly because she uses him as her way to get what she wants, thinking she can talk him into doing anything she wants.  And that's because he's so nice to her.  

Isn't it sad she picks the one person in the house that is the nicest to her to be her scapegoat?  But that's how narcissists are.  They choose people who they think they can control, which is usually the nicest person to them.  

So, she said "I need a lot of money!  I need at least a hundred dollars!"  I said okay, as we are four people and she needs to buy four presents, so $100 isn't too much to ask for.  Then she said "Well, actually, I need more like $200!"  I laughed.  Hard.  She said "What??  That's only $20 a person if it's a $100!"  I corrected her math and then said "I didn't spend more than that on anyone in the house, so it's fine."  I mean, that was my plan, but I did spend more than $25 a per person, but she doesn't need to know that.  Plus, what on earth could she buy at Walgreens for more than $25 person?  Candy.  That's what.  I guarantee you she wanted to go and spend $100 on friggin' candy.  For herself.  I am not exaggerating here.  She used to spend that every single month before I took control of her finances.  On just candy and random cleaners (she has an obsession with buying cleaners).  I said "Why would you need $200?  You do not need to spend that much on gifts."  She said "Oh, it's for stuff I want, too."  I giggled said "Well, then you'll wait to get the stuff you want until you go with me.  Because I know you, you buy crazy shit."  She laughed.  But she assumed I was kidding.  I was not.  I do not allow her to go to regular stores most of the time because she will fill up her cart with such random and expensive shit that I have to fight with her to put it back.  And who wants to do that all the time?

Then earlier today she said "Don't forget to put money in my account.  I need like $250."  I laughed again.  And then she got angry.  Oh, she was serious.  Um, okay.   But I have to remind myself, she has dementia.  Which is not just forgetting things, but also, they get crazy ideas and paranoia.  So, it wasn't just her forgetting I said no to the larger amount of money, it's the entire fact she asked for it to begin with.  I said, "I already told you, ma, that is too much money."  And then she stomped her feet and whined and said, "Well just tell me how much I have so I know what I can get!"  

The funny part is that you can buy all the same shit at Walgreens.com as you can in the store.  She didn't have to wait for us to take her, but then again, she wanted to get out of the house.  So, we'll take her tomorrow, but I am NOT looking forward to her bitching about how much money she has.  I am giving her $100, she already has money in her bank, so she'll have plenty.  

Today's mantra is "Don't forget about the dementia."  Because when I forget, I take her actions personally.  But when I remember, the woman is losing her mind, then I take everything she says with a grain of salt and let it roll off my back.  It's okay if she gets angry with me, because her dementia makes her have bouts of anger.  And it will only get worse.  So, being prepared for that now is better than letting her actions and words bother me and then later on, when her dementia is worse, I'll be stuck trying to figure out how to respond to her when she's really irate.