Good grief.  First my mother got sick.  Then she woke up the next day and still didn't feel good and wanted to sleep all day and then went to bed at 6pm.  She couldn't sleep the night before from being sick, but we could not understand what was wrong with her as nobody comes to visit us and she doesn't leave the house.  

Then I woke up at 6 am the next morning thinking I was hungry.  I thought how strange that was, but as it turns out, I wasn't hungry at all.  I was nauseous.  And it only got worse and worse and worse until it was the worst I could ever remember feeling.  Like, I felt like I was going out of my mind.  I haven't vomited in around eighteen years.  Can you believe it??  Crazy.  Then, as it turns out, my youngest son was in his room, also vomiting.  This was yesterday.  And I felt so bad he was sick and I couldn't care for him, because I couldn't leave my bed.  I didn't eat or drink anything all day, and neither did he.  It really fucking sucked.  

Now today, I just feel run down.  I have POTS, and being dehydrated makes your POTS REALLY flare up, which made it so I couldn't even stand yesterday.  Good think I never had to pee! LOL  

So yesterday, my mother feels all better and it was like she was on some kind of motor, like a hyperactive three-year-old.  Good grief.  She would NOT shut up, bothering my husband every single time she left the room (he stayed home from work to take care of us).  She never asked about me or cared, she just wanted to keep talking to my husband and even wanted to go the store with him so she could buy stuff to make for dinner.  Um...nobody can eat dinner, why the hell did she want to cook?  For herself and my husband?  Ew.

She's such a fucking weirdo.  

Let's not offer to cook, not even for just herself, on days I feel like shit, yet when I can still eat food.  She knows when I don't feel well, but never once offers to cook for herself so I don't have to (I make her food earlier than we eat, because she goes to bed early).  No, she wants to go to the grocery store when we have SHIT TONS of food in the house, when nobody else can eat.  She just wants money to go shopping, because she is a shopping addict.  On days I feel like shit, she just ignores me.  She never even asks me if I am okay.  This morning, she, for once, asked if I felt better, and I said I did.  But then, without listening to me, she went on to talk about herself instead.  It's like, she can act "motherly" to my husband and my youngest son when they're sick, and even to my oldest son to a point (even though she treats him like crap most days).  But me?  Naw.  I'm her actual kid, but she just ignores me and honestly does not care one iota what's going on with me.  The only thing I matter to her is to do things for her.  

I did set the tone for that, though, in some sort of way, I guess.  I get up in the morning to pee, and I am usually not fully awake yet.  My brain hasn't caught to my body, and I don't want to have a stupid conversation with anyone.  Meaning, with my mother.  When we first moved in here, she would be on my ass the MOMENT my door would open (and in the very beginning, she even would open my door while I was sleeping to come in and bug me) to ask me to do something for her.  "OH SHAY!" I would hear coming from her room as soon as I'd walk out.  So much freaking fun having the bedroom next to hers.  Ugh.  She still does that sometimes but most days she ignores me.  Which is I guess what I set the tone for, so I should not complain.  And really, I'm not.  Because I don't want her to bother me when I am sick.  It just irks me when she does other shit on top of ignoring me.  Like today. 

I feel like crud today.  WAY better than yesterday, thank goodness, but still, cruddy.  And she knows this.  But I am in there, standing up, making her dinner (standing is soooo hard when I am dehydrated), and she comes into the room and starts talking shit about her old stepdaughters.  

If you don't know already, my mother got remarried to my friend's boyfriend (yes, you read that right) back in the middle 2000's, who then quickly died of cancer.  He had two daughters who were my boys' ages and she had custody for a short time after their father died.  She was the literal equivalent of a wicked stepmother.  She was cruel and mean and horrible.  And when she talks about those two girls, it just really, really bugs me to no end.  She either paints the picture that she was the best stepmother ever, or she's talking shit about their mother, or she's now, talking shit about the girls.  She said "What ever happened to that sweet little girl?" meaning the youngest.  I said "Well, she's in her twenties, ma, she's not a little girl anymore."   She replied "Well, some of the things she posted on there (meaning Facebook) isn't sweet at all!" she says in her haughty disapproving voice.  I said "You're being judgmental."  I didn't want to listen to her talk shit about another person.  

The other day I heard her and her friend on the phone together because mother uses speakerphone and all her friend talks about is her tenants and how fat they are, and all my mom does is eat it up.  She loves gossip the way my mother also loves coffee and sweets.  She's addicted.  Which is one reason she gets depressed living with me.  I will not let her gossip in this house.  And not being able to gossip deflates her.  

Then she says "Did you know she's married to a black guy?"  As though it's 1953 again.  "Also, did you know their grandmother died?"  I don't listen to her because she doesn't understand how Facebook works.  The youngest is not married, their grandmother isn't dead, and there is nothing slutty (which was what she was insinuating) about any of the girl's pictures.  Even if there was, so what?  At 21, I had a baby and was married and was running my own household.  But if I hadn't had kids?  I'd still had been slutty looking.  I was up until I had kids.  I mean, I was cute, and I flaunted it.  Young, skinny, and hot?  That's what you do.  It's a part of life.  Being judged by a 75-year-old evil seahag would not phase a 21-year-old girl.  I should has said "I am sure she would care so much what you think of her."  But I didn't.  Alas, opportunity missed.  I was also going to say "I bet her wicked stepmother is why she turned out so bad" and then started laughing hysterically.  But I didn't say that either.  

So, I get on Facebook and see those pics she's talking about are ones generated with those Facebook chat overlay thingies.  The kind that changes your face.  Same goes for the grandma, who they put an angel overlay on as a joke (the woman is a horrid bitch, so I find that quite funny).  She's not dead.  But my mother doesn't get how these things work.  So she thinks because this girl posted she was married, it means she was married.  She's not.  I know the family, it was just something she posted.  And because she listed a different city she lives in on her profile, means to my mother that she obviously lives there now.  And she doesn't.  She never moved.  But my mom thinks everything she reads online and in magazines are real.  Which is why I have to "process" her magazines before she gets them, taking out all the ads or life insurance policy signup, etc.  Otherwise, the woman will try to buy every single thing she sees.  

So now, I am going to go into my mother's browser and block Facebook (if I can do that) so she can't go on there ever again and stalk people for no reason.  I will do this for both her protection (because she gets confused) and for the privacy of people like my stepsisters, who do not need the old seahag checking up on them for any reason, whatsoever.  I am protective of those girls, because they've had a super hard life and mother made it so much worse for them both.  I wish I could go back in time and said to their dad "Let me take them instead, my mother isn't nice to them, and the girls know me better" and he would have let me.  One time, he begged me to make my mom stop being mean to them.  I said "If I had any control over how my mother treats people, I would have made her stop being mean to me first."  When he got sick with cancer, I really should have stepped in and taken them.  That's a regret of mine.  But they are doing well now, I assume.  I hope.  At least they are grown now, and don't have to deal with my mother anymore.  They have their own monsters to slay.  They don't need another one.  

Oh, yes, also, after I said she was being judgmental about the girls, my son took the cats and put them into her room so they wouldn't try to eat her food.  She used to feed them, but she was killing her one cat with people food (he barfs it all up) and I put a stop to it earlier in 2021.  Now she likes it when they are not there to bug her anymore.  But today, she starts SCREAMING at the stop of her lungs "HE TOOK MY BABY!!!"  I said "SHUSH!  My head hurts, you know I don't feel good, please be quiet."  So, what did she do?  Of course.  She screamed it again.  I said "MA!  I asked you to stop, my head hurts!"  She lowered her octave, but was still being loud, and kept saying it over and over again.  We both ignored her so she'd stop, but she didn't, so I said "You know, it's not funny when you say something a hundred times, it's only funny the first time you say it."  So she yells in the same baby voice "It's still funny!  It's still funny!  It's still funny!"  

Good.  Fucking.  Grief.  

She's leading me up to one day when she's making noise that that I just scream "SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!  SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!"   But that day isn't here yet, and hopefully I can decompress before that happens, because yelling is not fun for me.

Then I left the room and sat in a pile of cat piss.  

Yay me.  

Well, that was my day today.  FUN!  At least I am not barfing!  I just wish those weren't my two choices: barf and get a rest from the crazy, or have to deal with the crazy.  Sigh. 

I'll leave you with this song, because I'm about to lose my mind, up in here, up in here.  Just the chorus tho.  The rest is kind of gangstery and while Train likes to brag he's go gangsta and he's so thug as a white boy, I, of course, I am not.  I am more of a cross between a vanilla bean and a peanut butter cup.  Tasty, yet a step above plain, with a little surprise in the middle if you bite too hard.  But nothing crazy.  Nothing DMXy.