My hubby went back to college in 2020 when we moved into this house.  His job laid him off due to the pandemic, so he used his time to go and get an HR degree (something he's still working on).  And while he was going there, we went into the office one day for something and on the table, they had these beautiful books that chronicled a picture history of our New England coastal town.  They were gorgeous and I immediately wanted to buy them.  So I went online, that damn...they were too expensive for me to get.  Oh well.  

Then one day, I went into a resale shop, and there they sat on the shelves for sale at $1 each.  Holy Buttholies, I had hit the jackpot!!  So I brought them home and within two weeks, they went missing.  Turns out, mother had stolen them and stuffed them into her bedroom drawers.  

Now, this is not a dementia thing, even though I do know that stealing can be a part of dementia.  See, my mother has always coveted her daughter's items.  So much so, that she'd take me shopping sometimes at stores that I loved, only to have me pick out items, and then she'd buy them for herself.  Or I'd be at a store and say "Oh, when I get paid, I will come back here and buy this!" and then she'd put it in her cart, and I would assume it was for me, and nope, she'd buy it for herself.  Or I'd collect something, and she'd fall in love with my collection, then go out and buy herself all the items in the entire collection, knowing I didn't have them all.  Funny, she'd collect items and everyone would buy her things for her collection, especially me and my kids.  We always were thinking of her, but she'd run out and take what I wanted or what I had and make it hers.  So no, her stealing my books was not a dementia issue.  She literally hid them from me, so I didn't know she stole them.  

The same goes for my lovely magazines that I get in the mail.  Now, the magazines I buy are stupid, but I buy them for the pages, because they are thick, and the entire thing is filled with gorgeous pictures I can remove for my art journaling and junk journals.  Lately, mother has been leaving the house for appointments, so I head into her room and go through her drawers.  Why?  Because of this shit right here.  And because she is a schemer.  

I do not give two flying squirrels what she stores in her drawers.  I am not being nosy or invasive (or, maybe I am, but for the right reasons?).  I am keeping her behavior in line.  Recently, I found an Amex application she was hoarding, and other mail, which I have NO idea where she's getting this stuff from (I am careful to put all mail in its proper place).  But I guess I am not as careful as I thought (OR, she's heading out the mailbox and getting it when she's forbidden from doing so--again, for the right reasons--her dementia makes her sign up for EVERYTHING she gets or she tries to send money to every single piece of mail she gets).  Anyways, the last thing she needs is yet another credit card to rack up another $4,000 (like she did her last one, which I am still paying off).  And she would, too.  

So I open her drawer the other day, and she has my newest lovely magazine in her drawer.  Hmm...first of all, where did she get it?  And secondly, my name is on it, why didn't she just ask to see it?  I would be more than happy to share it with her (I'd let her look at it first before I cut it up).  But instead, she stole it (from wherever) and stuffed it into her drawer again, so I wouldn't know.  So I took it back.  But that means she knows I am going through her drawers, which is fine by me.  

Back when she went into rehab last year, she stuffed tons of cigarettes into her suitcase and refused to let me near it.  Like, as if I couldn't tell she was hiding something from me.  The thing is, they weren't allowed to smoke there.  But my mother took them and I just know she'd have lit up in her room had she gotten the chance (even though she assured me she's not addicted to smoking LOL).  Which could have gotten her kicked out.  Good grief, that would have been a mess.  Anyways, I went through every inch of her room and found all her packs, and when she went into surgery, I fished her suitcase out of the trunk and found all the rest of her packs.  Oh boy, she was pissed, but she LOVES to hide stuff from me, as well as loves to do the wrong thing.  Maybe she wanted to be kicked out?  She knew the rules, but the rules never apply to her.  Ever.  

My mother has issues with thinking she's the most special person on earth.  The rules never apply to her, which is why she takes so long to follow mine.  Also, she acts like everyone else thinks she's special, too.  As though all her friends (current and old), family, neighbors, workers (of any sort), and doctors all treat her a certain way, because she's hot shit.  Everyone gives her a deal, or a discount, or some other special treatment.  It's ridiculous.  One day I'm going to snap and say "Yes, mother, you're so special that the world bows down to you.  I bet it drives you crazy that I don't."  

That's why she steals.  She covets whatever I have and takes it from me because she has zero respect for me (I am an object, not a person to her).  

I used to steal.  Even in my adult years.  Until one day I got my brain to see what I was doing could land me in jail (over stupid things, too).  It wasn't because I thought the world owed me, or that I thought I was special.  Or that I deserved the shit I stole.  It was compulsive.  I wanted it, so if I could not pay for it, I was going to get it anyways, even if I didn't need it (hence the compulsive part).  If I had the money, I would have paid for it all.  But I didn't, so I took it.  When I was a kid, I used to steal from people I knew.  But as I got older, I realized I wouldn't like it if people stole from me (even though they did anyways), so I stopped, and only shoplifted.  It was a faceless company.  So to me, I wasn't hurting anyone.  But then after I had kids, I looked at what I was doing, and said "Geezus Shay, this really isn't worth it" and realize I was hurting myself and my kids by doing it.  So I quit.  I had to change my compulsive hoarding habits and realize I liked to buy things just to buy them (or steal them) and I really didn't need any of it.  Just like my mother and her horrible spending habits (something that didn't stop until 2021 when I took her money away from her--which was not easy).  

But see, I have the capacity for introspection, which is why I can change my bad behavior in life.  She can't.  Like, she's literally incapable.  So I didn't even get mad about my magazine.  I did think I didn't get it this month, but now I am going to be on top of the mail better, to make sure she's not taking any more of it.  But even so, I just saw it, and took it back and that was that.  

I am just scared she's going to try taking more of my stuff in the future, but oh well.  I'll find it if she does LOL  

Tomorrow she's heading out to the foot doctor, so I get SEVERAL HOURS of the house to myself (with my kids LOL).  YAY!  And while she's gone, I am going to use that time to move her planters to her garden.  See, she stole a piece of my part of the yard.  Just like she does everything with me.  And now, I'm taking it back.  She gets both the front and back yards, and I get about 1/4-1/3 of the backyard.  And that's for my damn veggie garden that I work my ass off each summer growing food for my family to eat.  It's not like it's for pleasure (well, sort of, but not really, it's a chore, but I do like growing my own food).  And she took a corner of it for her damn plants.  Speaking of plants, she went behind my back and bought $100 worth of plants without asking and the expected me to just put the money in her account.  Guess what it was?  TWO stupid rose bushes.  Good grief!  I am not sure if I going to give her the money or not.  We'll see if we can afford it.  

Anyways, tomorrow, I am taking my corner back.  She's gonna get mad, but I'm going to lay it out for her: "Look here, woman, you get every single space in the entire front and back, and this tiny slice of the back yard is MINE to plant what I want.  So, keep to your own spaces, thank you very much!"  I am not even scared, I'm excited LOL  Usually this shit gives me horrible anxiety, but I am really starting not to fear her anymore.  I just hope I wake up feeling okay so I can get this done, because I really want my piece of the yard back.  For the first time, I have flowers to plant and I need somewhere to put them.  

Okay, that's it for now.  Let's hope mother stops stealing my mail (she's been stealing all sorts of mail lately--again, not sure how she's getting it).  

Oh, and the upcoming warmer weather?  I am not looking forward to it because she's threatening to go for walks again by herself down the street.  So rather than just not leave the house or take her with all the time (which I literally can't), I'm going to test her and see if I can catch her in the act.  So that'll be fun.  

Yay.  The stupid things I have to do (I mean, I don't have to, I can just lock up the front, which I may just do).  Okay, now I'm done.  Over and out.