So I took my mother to Hobby Lobby yesterday.  Why?  Because everything was on sale it's been a long time since she's been anywhere and there wasn't much she could buy there to hurt herself with.  But then she found the candy aisle and went crazy.  I had to put back much of it, but she did get some things, as well as some non-food items, which made her happy.  She did get bossy in the car again, giving her opinion on driving, as though it was up to her which way we turned or which gas station we went to (back before, she was relentless with this...which made it horrid to take her anywhere, but this time it wasn't quite as bad, even though it was surprising to hear some of her old self creeping through).  In the car on the way home, she promised to never go for a walk again by herself, in a very nonchalant way.  

Which got me to thinking. 

I think she was completely lying about doing it in the first place.  I will talk to our neighbors and ask them if they've ever seen her walking alone, but until then, I honestly do not believe her.  I think it was all a ploy for me to take her somewhere.  To force me to say "Well, I can't leave her home alone, so she has to come with".  But in reality, I should not leave her home alone anyways.  

On the way home, she was having trouble communicating again.  It's strange, she only does it when she's talking to us, not her friends.  Though maybe she does, and just doesn't point it out to them like she does to me and my family.  I will have to pay more attention.  

I did call her BFF Christmas the next day.  I asked her if she thought my mother was lying.  Which made Christmas confused, per usual.  She has always been someone you'd have to repeat yourself to, but nowadays, she's dementia level confused.  I forgot just how bad she was.  But she did seem to be 100% on my side about all of it, which comforted me in some stupid way.  I obsess, thinking Christmas believes my mother or thinks I'm a mean jailor or something, but I'm not.  And after every time I talk to her, I realize she knows that, too.  She knows I am just here to take care of a stubborn old woman who doesn't listen to anyone (Christmas's words LOL).  Though the last two times I talked to Christmas she was super weird to me, so that's why I would get paranoid.  Thinking she changed her stance on this whole thing, thinking I was some kind of jerk.  But alas, no, she still realizes the truth.  Thank goodness.  

Christmas used to be my friend, too.  But then I realized she never really was, she was just a flying monkey for my mother and told her everything I said.  Though, she also told me everything my mother said (she's a reverse narcissist).  Now I barely talk to her anymore, but after her visit the other day when my mother told everyone all proudly that she went for walks by herself, I knew that she'd understand why I chose to call her out of the blue.  Or least I had hoped.  

Anyways, so now my mother promises to never go for walks again by herself, without me even bringing it up, which is what is really bugging me.  This isn't the way she addresses things like this when they happen.  So I honestly believe she lying.  And most likely, she'll admit to Christmas if she was.  And then Christmas will tell me about it.  We'll see.  But I'm still putting a new doorknob/catdoor on the basement door (the basement is where the kitty litter is), and putting in an extra lock on our front door my mother cannot reach that for now, I will only lock at night.  I mean, yes, she won't be able to open in the morning when we are all sleeping, but oh well.  She tends to forget to lock or even shut the front door in the mornings after whatever she's doing out front, so this will keep her from doing so.  Also, it will add a layer of protection at night, too.  So that's something.  

Here is my thing with my mother: 

When she's bad, there are consequences.  Not punishments, but I put things in place when she breaks the rules, which are set to keep her safe.  And I put those things in place because if she's not going to follow the rules, then I take away her choice to do them in the first place.  Like: 

• She isn't allowed to go down the driveway alone as it's super bumpy and she drags her feet.  This means no taking in or out the garbage cans (which are HUGE btw).  When I caught her after around the seventh time taking the cans out, knowing damn well she isn't supposed to, I went out and got a bike lock and locked the cans together.  Which stopped her completely from being able to do it.  
• She isn't allowed to get the mail for the same reason above.  When I caught her getting the mail, even after I yelled at her after she kept doing it, I called and had our mail put on hold.  And I told her if she didn't stop, I would not restart it and would go pick it up at the post office instead.  Now, I have no idea if you can actually do that or not, but she didn't know.  And she quit getting the mail.  Now, I don't let her get the mail mainly because she steals bills and hides them, orders tons of catalogs that she can shop from (like total junk stuff...like Collections Inc.), etc.  It's just so much easier if I am in charge of the mail, mostly because I am not a narcissist with dementia. 
• She isn't allowed to go downstairs.  When she yelled at me for the hundredth time about going down there (for no reason), I said "That's it, I am done with this conversation.  I am getting a new lock tomorrow for the door."  I didn't get the lock until recently, but she did quit asking. 
• She kept bragging about how she was going to sell her norcos (which are controlled substances) when she was done with taking them after her surgery to "make some money on the side", laughing hysterically about it, mostly about how she knows drug addicts who will buy them.  So I took them away from her.  And hot damn, did she have a meltdown.  And I honestly have no idea why, since I am in charge of her meds anyways.  If she wasn't planning on selling them, then why such a meltdown?  But she insisted she was kidding (she was not).  
• She refused to leave the outside light on in the backyard (it's PITCH BLACK out there, which makes our house prime real estate for burglars).  So I taped that motherfucker into the "on" position.  When she removed the masking tape, I used duct tape.  And now it's been on ever since and is never shut off.  The lights are a soft yellow light and do not shine into anyone's house or yard but ours.  It keeps our house safe at night, and lets me see if wild animals are out there before letting my dogs out (we live in the country).  
• I literally didn't get her to stop leaving the damn back door unlocked all day and all night until recently.  We have a kitten (who isn't fixed yet, but will be soon) who is OBSESSED with going outside, so I used the cat as my reason.  I put a note on the door in marker that says "Kitten can push door open by herself, please leave this door locked all the time".  And now she finally locks it.  I don't know what I'm going to use for a reason after the cat is fixed and starts going out (yes we have indoor/outdoor cats in our house, but not because I want them to be).  I have never lived in a place, and will argue there is ZERO places in earth this should be a thing (especially today) that I can just leave my doors unlocked.  I grew up with my mother never even shutting our back door, not even at night (even after a fugitive used my playhouse in our backyard to hide from the cops on a police chase, with helicopters with lights and all that jazz in the middle of the night!!).  She thinks anyone who locks doors (even in the house) is crazy and stupid.  That guy could have just walked right in and held my mother hostage until the cops left...but nope.  She thinks the idea that the guy could have done that is "overreacting".  Sigh.  I am not sure how that's overreacting, but my mom's an idiot, so there's that.  
• When she refused to stop moving my stuff around the house (or my stuff in the yard), just to be an asshole, I removed all the stuff, both hers and mine.  She asked me where it all went, so I told her.  When you can stop moving things that aren't hers, I will put it all back.  I told her I do not rearrange your figurines or your plants or anything of yours, since that would be rude, I expected the same respect.  She didn't like it, but she did eventually quit and everything went back.  
• When she flat out refused to stop putting my stuff in her drawers, hiding it from me (I also once found my stuff hidden in my cookbook shelf, too), which would cause me to go out and buy new things, thinking my stuff had been thrown away, I got rid of the fucking drawer itself.  I said "Could you please just leave my stuff where it is, so I know where to find them and stop wasting money replacing them?"  She said "If I find something out of place, I am going to put it in a drawer somewhere."  I said "Please don't.  Those items aren't yours to hide from me.  They are mine.  So please leave them alone."  She laughed and said "If you need your stuff, just ask me and I will get it for you."  Oh that triggered the shit out of me, per some shady shit she did to me back in 2018.  So I took her fucking entire cart, emptied it, and put it in the basement.  Which in turn gave us room to have a bigger table (the cart should not have been in the kitchen to begin with, as our kitchen is tiny--but she insisted *eyeroll*), since she was forcing us to eat at a 2-person table with 5 people.  She did not like that, but she did stop hiding my stuff from me.  
• When she threatened me the other day to get her a dust pan so she could clean up dog poop this spring in the backyard, and said "I'll put it to you this way, if you don't buy me one, I will use the kitchen one."  I told her no you will not.  But she insisted, so I threw the dust pan in the basement.  Where she can't go.  It seems childish, but she knows I don't mess around with her.  If she threatens me or refuses to do some simple request, then I take away whatever the issue is.  It's simple.