When I first heard about the drama between Johnny Deep and his wife Amber Heard, it was when she was accusing Johnny Depp of being abusive.  Before that, I had no idea who AH was.  I mean, everyone knows Johnny Depp.  And we all know he's eccentric, so the idea of being abusive, seemed not to far of a stretch, as eccentric people can be weird.  But it wasn't just a "he said/she said" sort of thing that got me, it was the video she put out and I listened to him berate her and sound just like my father when he was screaming at her.  So, I just believed he was physically abusing her as well, as my father did to my mother and myself, because if JD can almost exactly sound like my dad (the way he talked when he was drunk and abusive), then he can certainly act like him, too.  

As the story went on, I started to realize that his wife was also off the rails and most likely also abusive, but I never had any idea how or just how much.  In fact, my stance on anything in the world of famous people is "it's honestly none of my fucking business".  Which is why I don't watch reality shows, like the Kardashians or the "Real Wives of Buttfuck" or whatever else is out there.  Because who...fucking...cares, right?  I mean, they're famous people getting a show for doing what?  Living their stupid rich lives?  But some of these stories do interest me.  And I those I watch because the subject matter grabs me or is important to me, like documentaries or even some reality TV.  Like say, that one show about the lady who left the Orthodox Jewish community and became the boss of something (I think a magazine?).  I like seeing people try to make a life out of being atheist after leaving a strict religious life, as I, myself, am an atheist.  So I thought that to be interesting.  Instead, all I got was a totally narcissistic woman who invades the lives of her children and tries to pretend she's the boss of everyone around her at all times.  But, again, it interests me, because...well...narcissism.  

When something hits home for me, I pay attention.  And this is why the JD and AH case really bothered me.

When I brought up the video of JD screaming at his wife to my librarian (like, we went there several times a week and knew all the librarians very well, so this wasn't odd for me to bring up something to one of them) and she said "What if Amber Heard made him do it?  What if it's all her fault?"  

Well, I was fucking steaming after that.  I mean, victim blame much?  But then again, I hated this librarian and I was just trying to make small talk with her to be nice (she's a raging narcissist), so what came out of her mouth was pretty normal for her.  She's dumber than a box of rocks and is rude as fuck.  And after her comment, I hated her even more, even though it wasn't that surprising.

I mean, how could anyone make their husband beat them?  That's stupid.  Right?  Right??  

Well, turns out, not exactly.  I mean, my mother did exactly that to my father.  She pushed him and pushed him and pushed him, knowing damn well what was going to come next, and then she'd sick him on me.  She did it on purpose to get whatever she needed to get from him yelling at her, and then when it got too far, she'd quickly turn on at dime and bring up my name, as well as something horrible I did (which sometimes was made up), to get him focused off her and onto me.  Maybe she knew I was a fast runner?  Maybe she knew I could escape him?  Probably not.  She just was reacting in the moment to the looming knowledge she was going to get beat.

Anyways, my mother pushed my father on purpose because she loved being the victim (she wanted him to remind her of what a piece of shit she felt like inside and then afterwards, pretending like it never happened).  But that doesn't mean my father had any right to put his hands on her, or on me.  You could push me all day, and I will walk away.  I am not abusive.  I may get angry and I may yell at someone (but hardly ever), but I won't hit them.  I mean, I've come close and really wanted to, but I am an adult and I know better.  

In my first marriage, my husband used to punch a whole in the wall and scream "I WISH THIS WAS YOUR FACE!!!"  I used to push him, too.  I used to want him to hit me so I had a reason to leave.  I hated him so very, very much.  So much so, after the birth of my second son, I moved out without him even realizing I had.  I'd stay all week at my mother's house (my father was dead by then), and then go home on the weekends.  I hated being around him.  I hated seeing him.  But I felt trapped.  Mostly because of my inability to stand up for myself speak my truth back then.  He was mean to my kids and very neglectful (which only got worse after I left him).  He brought out the worst in me.  And we'd have SCREAMING fights all the fucking time, swearing at each other and being our most trashiest selves.  And after I left him, we didn't stop fighting.  Not for a long time.  Not until I took it upon myself to just quit one day.  To stop being angry at him so much.  I just started to expect him to be at his worst, and when he was, I didn't bother me anymore.  I just ignored it.  I said "He can't do better, so I can't expect him to do better."  Not to him, but in my head to myself.  So I stopped expecting him to be normal, to act rational or nice or kind or even act like a normal human.  I didn't know it at the time, but he was a narcissist, like his mother and father was (and still are, though his father is now dead).  So that's why he wasn't rational or normal.  He was unpredictable and horrid.  I never knew if he was going to be in a good mood or a violent mood.  And now, so many years later, I realize it wasn't just  his NPD that made him so bad.  I mean, it was, but not fully.  He has a mood disorder, ODD, and ASD, mixed with his NPD.  Not a good combo to have.  (I have ADHD and ASD, so I'm not bashing aspies here, I am just saying mixing the ODD with everything else, is a bad combo--my mother also has ODD and NPD, too, and acts just like him).  

And when I left him, what he did he?  Total fucking smear campaign.  He did the same thing when he gave up his rights to his children years later, even though it was his idea.  He had everyone believing I made him do it and I was a horrible person. 

The same goes for my mother when I went no contact with her in 2017.  She went on the biggest smear campaign she could, telling everyone I was bipolar (which her therapist told her, after hearing about how I stopped talking to her...she said "She sounds bipolar!") even though I'm not, and how this and that and whatever she could think of, turning everyone against me.  So when you separate from a narc, whether a friend or a loved one or a romantic partner, they will drive your name into the ground as deep as they possibly can take it.  And it never dawned on me that this was happening with AH and Johnny Depp (mostly because I didn't care about the case or any of it, because again, famous people...who cares?)

But then today, I turned on my TV and an old video from 2020 popped up (I watch YouTube on my TV instead of cable) and I thought "Oh, what the hell" and turned it on.  I mean, I've this idea for years that JD was this wife beater, so what else did I need to know about the case?  But I am a sucker for real audio, whether in the form of documentary or even, I guess, a YouTube video.  I had just recently watched Evan Rachel Wood's documentary about Marilyn Manson, which sickened me.  And in the past, I watched the documentary made by the survivors of Michael Jackson, which sicked me the most (I am soooooo glad that motherfucker is dead).  And I watched the documentary about Dylan Farrow and her horrible father Woody Allen (which also sickened me).  I like knowing the truth.  I like making decisions for my life of who to watch or listen to based on the truth.  I mean, after the lead singer of Lost Prophets was found to be having literal sex with literal babies (like offered up by their mothers...fucking sick!), did people still listen to his music?  I guess if you're a baby fucker, you would.  

Now, not all people see things the way I do.  They don't mix the person with the craft.  But I cannot separate the two.  If I hear a Jackson song, I will turn it off.  Because he disgusts me.  And I was to the point I'd stop watching Johnny Depp movies, based on the fact that I thought he beat his wife.  

And today, as I found out, that it's simply not true.  And that AH is real abuser (as the title of the video says) and if you listen to this video, you'll totally understand why.  

You're here because you understand narcissism, right?  Or maybe you want to understand it so you can recognize it in others to protect yourself from them?  Either way, this video will make you understand just how a narcissist works in an argument.  You'll hear the bullying, the gaslighting, the word salad, the everything that they do.  Amber Heard is a fucking raging narcissist.  And her accusing Johnny Depp of abuse is her smear campaign to get back at him for leaving her.  Yes, he wasn't nice in that video I heard many years ago when he was screaming at AH.  I am not saying he's perfect or even a good guy.  I am only saying that this video, to me, proves he didn't abuse her, and she, herself, is the horribly abusive one.  It was sick, to listen to her gaslight the shit out of him, as well as word salad her way around the actual conversation, as well as bully him (she basically says he's weak and a baby for calling for help to his bodyguard when she was physically attacking him one night) and do a little dance around anything that was ever brought up that she did bad.  And her only argument was that JD leaves the room when she's being volatile, that makes her "feel unsafe".  Um, what??  Uhhhh okay.  

So if you're bothered by this type of talk, it may trigger you.  But if you want to hear a real narc in action?  Then give it a listen.  You'll be better off, knowing how they talk so you can better protect yourself in the future.  Forget they're famous.  Forget who they are and what their jobs are.  They are two people in an abusive relationship, where the man is staying with a physically and verbally abusive woman.  I am not saying he didn't verbally abuse her at other times, as well, but I used to be in a relationship similar to this one.  And I'd yell and scream, too, in reaction to my abusive ex-husband calling me horrible names or telling me I was stupid or dumb or some other abusive thing.  But I don't argue with anyone like that anymore.  I found a good man who helped me change and taught me what love is supposed to look like.  And it's not  at all what you'll hear in this video.  That's not love.  That's 100% abuse.   

Fucking librarian was most likely right.  God, I hate it when narcissists are right LOL  But she was right, that AH brought out the worst in JD and it was her fault.  And I hope one day JD finds a good woman who teaches him the proper way to love someone else, and himself and not repeat this kind of relationship again.  Because geezus fucking christ.  

Okay, here is the video (it's long, but worth the listen):