So, I was cleaning out my garage this week and found this sign I made last year.  Instead of putting it on the wall in my kitchen, where it was supposed to go, it's been in my garage.  Why?  Because when I made it, my mother immediately saw it, completely took over, and decided exactly where I was going to put it in our kitchen.  It hasn't been that long since she's acted that way, but I honestly forgot she used to do this to me every single day.  Whenever I'd buy or make something, she'd take it over and make all the decisions for it.  The same can be said for everything I owned, too.  She was contantly moving everything I owned around, as though where I put it wasn't good enough, or didn't matter in the least.  It was though I didn't even exist and if she was included in knowing about whatever it was, she'd immediately take over and I'd be left wondering what the hell just happened.  

I made this sign by measuring the wood and then printing out the words to size.  Then I used a craft knife to cut out each letter and glued it onto the sign.  It was tedious work, but I think in the end it was worth it.  I really love how it turned out and was so proud when I was done.  And just as soon as I brought it into the kitchen, my mother grabbed it and started making plans for it.  I was floored.  I didn't even get the chance to show everyone yet.  So, I grabbed it back from her and shoved it in the garage and it's been there ever since.  Because that's when I do when she tries to take over my life or what I'm doing or something that is supposedly mine.  I just hide it or stop working on it or put it away until she forgets about it (which includes myself...which is why I hide from her most of the time LOL).   Which means I usually forget about it, too.  Which sucks.  Especially when I work hard on something, or I am excited about buying something.  I would just get so tired of her taking ownership over anything and everything that was supposed to be mine.  Which also means I don't wear new clothes that often, either, or else she will take over and keep commenting on it until I never wear it again (and the comments aren't bad, it's just that she's noticing me constantly, which I do not want).  

But she doesn't seem to do that anymore.  She does sometimes.  Today she saw my containers for my gardening and asked me what they were for.  I said "my vegetables".  She said "You know what they looked like they would be good for?  Potatoes!"  Yup.  Still doing it.  I said "I already planted potatoes in my dog food bags.  Like I did last year."  She looked confused.  But last year I saved my dog food bags and planted potatoes in them when they were empty and it worked out quite well.  She didn't remember that.  Which is fine, but there she goes, telling me what to do with my stuff again.  Though this was more benign, but still indicative of how she used to act.  "You know where you should put this?"  "You know what this would be good for?"  "You know what I'd do with this?"  "Ooh, I can use this, can I have it?"  "What are you going to do with these items?  Because I would like to use them!"  Last summer I bought a Radio Flyer metal wagon for my garden and she squealed when she saw it and said "Oh, I want this!!  Can I have it?"  So in the garage it's been ever since (I am actually going to sell it now).  Other items for my garden she's stolen from me and just took them without asking and now they are hers.  She does this all the time.  I'd get it if she didn't have a way to buy her own stuff.  But she's always done this to me, even when she had her own money and still drove herself places.  Even when I didn't even live with her.  It's been for my whole life.  But after we moved in here?  It go so very much worse.  I wasn't allowed a single thing of my own.  Not one.  

But now it's not like that anymore.  At least not like it was.  But I still don't and won't share anything with her.  Because if given the chance, she will go right back to who she used to be in a split second.  Because that's the nature of narcissists.  There is no real change with them.  

So sometime this week, I'm going to hang my sign up in the kitchen.  Maybe.  We'll see if I have the time or remember to do it.  But just looking at that makes me feel sad.  That my happy day where I made something I really loved was ruined by my mother taking it for herself and trying to pretend like it was hers to do what she likes with.  I wish I could have said to her "Well, this is mine so I will choose where to put it, not you."  But then I would have had everyone thinking I was rude.  Oh well.  Like I said, she's slowed down doing these things.  

Or has she?  Maybe I've just stopped making things or buying things and having them where she can see them?  Because she did try to tell me what to do with my veggie bins yesterday.  And I am not prepared to just act normal about everything again, because I do not trust her to revert back to her old self.  Although, I do have the skills to stick for myself now. 

Ugh.  Though I do have the bravery to look at her if she flat out does it again to say "Why do you do this?  Why do you look at something I have and always want to take command of it?  It's not yours, you need to let other people do what they like with the stuff they have."  I am surprised for my birthday she didn't tell me what to do with my stuff.  So maybe she has gotten better.  But only because I trained her to.  

Well, off to go do yardwork.  Yuck.  

UPDATE: haha I was wrong, I made this in 2020!!!  It's been in my garage for TWO YEARS!  Not one.  Geez.