And my mother thinks she's the guest of honor.  Nothing puts my mom into a shitty controlling and annoying mood than you doing something new where she can see you.  Then she thinks she not only has to participate, but has to control everything, as though she has ANY CLUE OF WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT.  And to be clear, she doesn't.  Not at all.  

We have fifteen chickens, all hens (easter eggers and Rhode Island Reds, meaning their eggs are gorgeous shades of blue and green and brown etc.), and we just put them out for the first time.  They ready long before, but with avian flu, we had to be careful.  It's been a month since any bird flu has been detected in our state, so we're hoping it's gone for now.  Up until two days ago, they lived in a room in our basement that we created for them (covered by tarps and filled with sand).  But without proper ventilation, it wasn't ideal for them.  So we worked our ASSES off finishing up the chicken area (I build a huge gate for the doorway, for one, and the kids cut windows in the coop, because it was literally just walls and a door) and now they're all in their coop.  The fruit trees here when we moved in were a bust, but at least now we'll get use out of the coop that a previous owner built.  Thank goodness.  

And my mother has been "involved" with all of it, annoying the shit out of everyone.  Tell me, did I grow up on a farm and just don't remember?  Because she keeps telling us about how one does these types of things on a farm.  Her father grew up on a farm.  But he didn't teach her shit about it.  

"Oh, you're bringing them back into the coop?" she yells at me as I carry the chickens back in.  It's 100 fucking degrees outside, the chickens are panting and their coop is in the shade.  "Because if they were on a farm they wouldn't do that!"  

I wanted to scream "And how would you know?  You don't know a damn thing about farm animals and YES THEY WOULD!!  FARMERS HAVE TO PROTECT THEIR LIVESTOCK FROM HEAT JUST AS MUCH AS YOU WOULD A DOG!"  But I just did I what I do all the time now and pretended like I didn't hear her.  Because why exert energy telling her to shut up every second of the day?  She'll tucker herself out soon enough and we'll go back to peaceful silence.  

But, if she starts in today, here will be my response: "Hey, thanks, but I don't need running commentary on everything I'm doing, okay?"  Because yesterday she kept saying "Oh, are you two bricks short of a load?" when I was carrying bricks.  "Are you the water boy" as my husband was carrying water.  Blah blah blah blah blah.  GOOD FUCKING GRIEF!

"You really need to do this!!"  "You really need do to that!"  "Your gate as a space under it, did you know that??!!"  "Don't forget to get them food and water!"  "Blah blah bloo blee blah blah blah twiddle faddle diddle daddle honk honk crash boom bang!"  

Someone please come and glue her mouth shut, will ya??  AAAHHHH!!  

Oh and another stupid thing she said to me, because god forbid she actually just tell us something happened.  "Are you planning on keeping that gate open all the time, you're not are you??"  I asked "What gate?"  "The backyard gate!  I woke up this morning and it was wide open!"  

What kind of a dumbass question is that?  Obviously, someone forgot to shut it.  It was my kids, they were carrying in sand for the chicken coop from the front and forgot to shut it.  It was dark outside before we got done, so we didn't see it.  But why can't she just say "Oh, I woke up and the gate was wide open this morning.  Someone forgot to shut it."?  Why can't she just be fucking normal?  With her, it's this roundabout way of saying something REALLY STUPID.  I just want to tell her how stupid she sounds when she says that shit.  And one day, I may.  But I am sure I won't, because I am not an asshole.  But I will tell her to shush.  

Well, off to go check on our chickens.  Hopefully mother will be inside where she belongs LOL