Well.  That was interesting.  

My grandmother sent my husband a card yesterday.  I opened it, because I thought she was going senile and sent him a birthday card, even though his birthday is near the end of the year.  But turns out, it was a Father's Day card.  Something she's never done in the 17 years we've been together.  

And this is what she writes: 

Dear Mr. Brooks,

I know the boys have a dad, but you play the role in the family every day.  So Happy Father's Day to you, too.  Hope you have a good day and a great summer.  Thank you for all you do.  

Love, 

Grandma C. 

Wow, so few words yet so much fucking disrespect.  She must have run out of narcissistic supply down south and now is coming after my family.  Oh, and my Mother's Day card this year was a "thank you" card she must have had leftover in her house LOL  

Oh, did I mention that my grandma is a narcissist?  I never knew that, as I don't know her very well, even though I've communicated with her for my entire life.  See, I'm adopted.  I was adopted at 18 months old.  My kids are also adopted.  Not by me, I birthed them, but by my husband.  Who is their legal and awesome father, and has been since 2011.  But he was their father long before that, for like five years, but my ex didn't give up his rights until then.  

But I know my grandmother is a narcissist after my aunt and my birthmother both told me stories about her.  The lies, the blame, the silent treatments, the manipulations, the competition, etc.  I tried to educate them about narcissism, but they both weren't ready to hear it yet.  But now, after I send my grandma my rebuttal, I am sure I will join the list of the black sheep in that family, as well.  And I am fine with that, because why would I care?  I barely know any of them.  I could just let this go, but I am so done with letting narcissists say whatever the hell they like and standing by and doing nothing about it.  

Now, I'm not going to be mean to her.  But I am going to be direct.  And she's not going to like it.  But oh well.  I am fine with that.  Because my husband deserves respect, and I will not let my narcissistic family disrespect him.  Now, could it be a little bit of me overreacting due to the fact that my husband used to never stick up for me to his family?  I don't think so.  I mean, he used to let his mother and father say whatever they liked to me and he'd say nothing.  It took him years to stand up to them.  But he eventually did.  And they disowned him for it.  Which, at the time, was his worst nightmare come true.  But then we both realized they were narcissists.  And our lives have been immensely better since then.  But my intense need to stand up for those I love (though I've chilled out a little bit) stems from a place of deep sorrow for living a life where nobody ever stuck up for me.  Not once.  Not my family.  Not my friends.  Nobody.  So I made friends with people and if anyone messed with them?  They'd incur my wrath.  I also felt the intense need to stand up for my mother, which culminated into the last time I ever did it when I was seventeen and threatened my dad's life.  Which got me punched in the face.  Which then got my mother to tell me if I pressed charges against my father she'd lie and say he was defending her from me and also she'd take me outside and give the cops a reason to arrest her instead of me (which makes no sense...as the cops would be there to witness that--and both my parents would be arrested...damn, I should have called the cops and had them both arrested LOL).  And it's not only people I have an intense need to protect, it's animals, too.  As my father used to beat my dogs.  

But that feeling has lessened as I've aged.  I am not so fly-off-the-handle-gung-ho about my protecting people anymore.  Unless it's an emergency.  My son has told me since he has a conceal carry license that if anyone ever threatens us, to please, please, please take cover do not try to be the hero.  To let him take care of it instead.  In the past, I've always been the protector of my family.  I would be the first one to stand in front of them to shield them from whatever was going on.  Now my kids are grown and have asked me to take a backseat.  And I comply, because if you always stand up for your kids and don't let them do it themselves, then what kind of life will they have later?  I was never the kind of mother who stood up to their friends for them, except for once.  I gave them advice and didn't interfere, unless it was dangerous.  Not like my old BFF's mom, who called my mother every single time her daughter and I got into an argument.  But if adults fucked with my kids (like my ex)?  If schools fucked with my kids?  If anyone fucked with my family?  You'd hear it from me.  Because I was a woman on a mission to protect everyone and anything that could not protect themselves.  

But my husband can protect himself.  And I am not really doing this to "protect" him.  It's more the face that I am done letting narcissists have their way.  I stand up to my mother quite frequently now.  Although, I still haven't informed my neighbor I'm not helping her for those two weeks while she's gone.  But I am getting there.  

But here are a couple of reasons her note REALLY pisses me off: 

1. She's suggesting he's playing the role of father, when he's their actual father. 
2. She's suggesting that what he does every single freaking day isn't as worthy as a real father.
3. She's suggesting my ex is their real father, even though he abandoned them. 
4. She's suggesting that adoption isn't a valid form of parenting, or if she doesn't remember that he adopted the kids, that stepparenting is also not a valid form of parenting. 
5. And she's doing what all the people I know do...they say to or about my husband "Oh, thank you for taking on two kids and stepping in as their father!  How brave you are!  Thank you for all that you do!  What a great guy you are!"  Because fuck that shit.  He's not a hero.  He's just a normal person who loves these two human beings and chose them as his family.  Just as I would if I were in his shoes.  Because that's what normal people do.  They just love.  The idea that stepparents or adoptive parents are heroes for taking on someone else's children.  Good grief.  Are we that much of an unfeeling world that that's so unheard of or out of the ordinary??  My mother has said this too many times and it makes me feel like I am some sort of charity case and my husband stepped in and saved us.  No!  We're just two normal people who know how to love and we decided to make a family out our love.  People really need to stop idolizing men who love children who aren't their own.  That's how all humans are supposed to be.  But especially when the children are awesome as my kids (haha!) *wink wink*  

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I may not send this at all.  But I want to.  But we'll see.  I know that pissing off a narc is just stupid and puts me and my family on her radar.  I should just leave it alone.  And I most likely will.  I am debating on writing to my birthmother and asking her some questions, but I do know I will be met with stubborn excuses, as she's the queen of those.  Especially when it comes to her mother (which is something I don't understand, but I don't live in her head, so I don't know what's going on in there).  So, I may say nothing at all.  I'll probably just vent here.  And burn the card later with my other paper trash.  Because isn't that where all narcissistic bullshit goes?  Reminds me of one of my favorite song's lyrics: 

"Let yesterday burn and throw it in a fire."