Recently mother has been back to her old antics, downing everything I say, disagreeing with me just for the sake of disagreeing.  For one, I was excited my butternut squash plants are HUGE and are going to produce more squash than we can handle.  She said "You know what I like?  Spaghetti squash."  Because that's how she is.  And that's the ENTIRE reason I do not speak to her.  See, I get to a certain point that I start to feel guilty, so I include her in what's going on in my life for a moment.  And I always regret it.  It's just been so damn long I sort of forgot she's like this.  

What I should have said was "And this is why I don't tell you things.  I am excited about my squash and you have to go say you'd rather have something different.  As though what you think and feel is more important than everyone around you."  But she caught me by surprise.  So, per usual, I didn't say shit.  But I did say something the other day when she found out that my husband works first shift now.  He was working second shift for the past year so he could still take her to her appointments (plus, he got a night bonus, which was nice).  My oldest son once tried to tell her, and I shushed him and he got angry with me.  He thinks I'm always overreactive and stupid with her.  But I told him "Listen, the moment grandma finds out he's working first shift, she's going to obsess over her appointments and start making plans that she has no business making.  You know how she is."  But he still thinks I'm being dumb.  I just can't understand why he thinks he needs to share things with her, especially when it's not his business to do so.  I don't think he should tell her things about himself, but I really feel he has no right to share things about other people.  But he thinks I feel that I am the one in charge of that stuff for other people, but in reality, my husband feels the same way I do.  I am not speaking for him when I tell my son this stuff.  My husband has zero interest in my mother getting all obsessive about his business.  

But my son is young and is at that age that he thinks he knows everything (been there, done that).  And he's also at the age that he thinks his parents are idiots (even though, eventually, he always finds out that we're usually right LOL).  But not all the time, just sometimes.  He has ASD, as I do, so I forgive him of his behavior like this, as I know what it's like to have black and white thinking at times, too.  I just have to be calm and rational when I explain things to him, which helps him to understand where I am coming from easier. 

But then she learned about my hubby's hours and then started in on my son.  Because of course she did.

Her: "You NEED to be awake next week to take me!"  

Him: "Yes, your appointment as at 10."  

Her: "I go early.  Way earlier than 10."

Him: "Your doctor's office is right down the road, we'll get there at 9:50.  Don't worry.  I've never taken you late."  

Her: "No, I need to go earlier than that!!  Even Mr. Brooks knows to take me early!!  That way I can get in early!!" 

Him: "We will be there right before 10." 

Her: "Then I will just have Asshole or Christmas take me.  They'll get me there early!"  (Asshole is our old neighbor, the husband of one of her old posse members who passed away and who I think has a crush on my mother...gross...not to mention I hate him as he's a gigantic weirdo and asshole--but my mother loves a good asshole, so I get it).  

So, he comes and tells me everything she said.  She'd been getting on his case about random shit all week.  For no reason, other than he's her scapegoat and she must be agitated about something.  

So the next day she comes to me and says "You didn't have to reschedule my appointments!!  Your son can just take me!!"  I said "Well, you said you were going to have Asshole or Christmas take you instead."  "No, that was only if your son couldn't take me!"  I replied "No, you threatened that when he said he wouldn't take you at 9:30.  Your appointment is at 10, and nobody takes you that early to any appointment."  "No!  I said only if he couldn't take me!"  I replied "Well, you are not in charge of who takes you.  And besides, I had already rescheduled them all before you even talked to my son.  So it was already done.  So your conversation with him was pointless."  

"Well, I am not going in the afternoon!!"  She said this, knowing my husband is going to take her, because he's the ONLY person who takes her.  Which is because a) she will try to get my son to take her places she's not allowed to go, b) she will use her time alone with my son to be really mean to him, and c) my hubby is the only person she doesn't disrespect.  So, he's the only person who can ever take her anywhere, period.  Also, if my son takes her, I have to go, and the I have to be the one who goes in with her, which gives me wretched anxiety, which is why he started doing it to begin with, because my anxiety was out of control around her.  Also, then I have to deal with my son being crabby because she takes so long to do anything and he's not a patient waiter.  He used to be as a kid, though.  But age has made him less patient.  Which then also exacerbates my anxiety.  So, Mr. Brooks it is!

"You are going when I say you go.  I can't help when your appointments are."  Yes, I can, I make them.  But I always say this, to pawn off responsibility on the doctor's office instead of listening to her shit.  

"Then I am not going."  So, I replied "Okay, then you don't have any appointments coming up.  That frees up our time!  Plus, you have nothing to do, what does it matter what time they are?"  She says "Because I am too tired by then!"  I said "You sleep all times of the day.  You are too tired to go at 10am!  You are always napping!  So yeah, you'll be fine."  She had shut her door by then, but she heard me.  Her meds make her tired, so it really doesn't matter what time of day she goes.

And that, my son, is why we don't tell Grandma anything at all.  Good grief does she get obsessed with certain ideas and then will fight to the death with you about them, only to change her mind five minutes later.  She's legit insane.  

So, I combat her insanity by A) being grey rock with her and never sharing anything with her, ever.  B) telling her over and over "Don't worry, we'll figure it out" when I want to avoid getting into one of these stupid, stupid conversations with her.  She doesn't like it, but it works most of the time (though she always circles back to it later).  And C) being forceful with her in a way that lets her know she's not the boss of what's going on.  I know that sucks, but she has an obsession with being in control of everything, even other people, so when I take that power away, she backs down.  She has no choice. 

Today, though, she's been extra crazy.  Constantly asking me to do things for her, knocking on my door for silly reasons.  Maybe she's anxious?  She's obsessing about a leg x-ray she had a year ago, too.  She's just all over the place.  Driving me batty.  She's been like this all week, but today has been worse.  At least she's not as agitated.  But when the kids get up, maybe she will be.  Ugh. We'll see. 

So yes, it's been loads of fun lately.  Yippee.  I even dreamed about her being crazy last night and I had to scream at her to stop LOL  I can't even escape her when I sleep!  Dammit LOL 

Okay, time to go read my book in peace.  Maybe I'll get five minutes?