Well, that was not expected.  I fully expect my mother to be the one to ruin our holidays, as usually, that's who does it.  But this time, it was me.  

It was the night before Thanksgiving
And all thru our home
Most people were sleeping
Except me, cooking alone

In the kitchen
Making pumpkin pie
I had pain searing through my back
On the verge of making me cry

So I told my husband
There is something not right
Let's go to the ER
And there, let's spend the entire fucking night

They thought it was a kidney stone
And after four hours in the waiting room with balled up fists
Screaming in pain (and scaring the patients)
And lots of tests to find out it is a 6.5cm ovarian cyst 

And they sent me home and said  "Oh, just take some Tylenol and ibuprofen".  Um, okay.  That's what happened and I've been in pain ever since.  I don't even think that labor was that bad, as at least I had some reprieve between contractions.  Not this, this was straight on crescendo-ing pain until it ended with me barfing in the garbage can.  And then I could finally see straight again and speak.  I have to see my gynecologist soon for a checkup and hopefully they'll agree to a hysterectomy (vaginal, not abdominal).  But we'll see about that.  

Anyways, we left at 10pm and got home at 5am and the minute I walked through the door, my mother says "Oh, nobody even told me that you were gone!"  As if someone owed her a explanation.  She made this about her, because my dogs were barking so much.  Sigh.  

So then Thanksgiving came, and she took advantage of my inability to get out of bed to try to take control of the entire day.  She decided to clean the living room and then scream at my son that he wasn't helping her.  But she never said anything like "Hey, your mom is sick, so let's surprise her and clean the living room together!" No, she just went in there, yelling it was a mess, and then bitching the entire time and then demanding my oldest son help her.  I told him not to.  I said "Hey, she decided to do this, let her do it alone."  If she can't be nice, she doesn't deserve help.  Then, my husband and youngest son went to the store and my oldest stayed home to take care of me.  He also made my mom's cigarettes for me.  

She also tried to take over the kids making dinner, but soon gave up and they made everything (well, half of everything, as they also made a second Thanksgiving dinner on Friday).  Friday comes, I am still not able to walk.  I couldn't stand for more than a few seconds without being in tons of pain (like, I could make it to the bathroom and back, and that's it). But I did feel better enough to go into the living room to play Wytchwood all day, and my son grabbed the cigarette machine and brought it into the living to watch me play while he made her cigarettes again (I usually make enough for many days, but I hadn't beforehand).  My mother saw him and said "Oh, I was just going to ask Shay if she wanted me to do that."  I laughed and said "NOPE."  So instead of just saying "Haha okay!" or anything else that a normal person would say, she decided to turn this into something.  Yes, while I am laying on the couch in lots of pain, she decided to play the victim and make me look like I was the one being mean.  

Me: "NOPE."

Her: "Why not??"

Me: (so frustrated she's asking me once AGAIN, after I've said no fifty fucking times before, and now here I was sick and she was trying to take advantage of the situation--so safe to say, I wasn't going to play nice--so I decided to be honest for once, instead of making a joke out of it)  "Because I've told you a hundred times no already."  

Her: "But why not?"  

Me: "Because you'll break it." 

Her: "I've made them before!" 

Me: "Once."

Her: "No, I made a bunch!"

Me: "One time." 

Her: "Grandson (she used his name), didn't I do them before?" 

Me: (she loves to involve my son in our arguments because she knows he's uncomfortable with it and I hate that)  "I KNOW you've done it before, mother, but it was only one time.  I said no." 

Her: "GRANDSON!  Didn't I do them before?"  

Me: "You're welcome, ma."  

Her: "For what??  For not being able to make my own cigarettes?" 

Me: (good fucking lord)  "No, you're welcome that we make them for you at all." 

Her: "Well, this prevents you from having to buy them for me!"

Me: "You think this is free?  Surprise, it's not.  Just say thank you and stop trying to make a big deal out of stupid things.  Plus, if I let you have the machine?  You'll cost me more than it cost me to buy you cartons, as you'll smoke yourself into a coma." 

Her:  "Wow, someone is in a bad mood!!"  

Me: (laughs loudly)  "Yes, I am in the one in the bad mood for telling you the truth!  Yet, I am not the one who started this.  You're welcome that you get cigarettes we make for you.  Now let's be done with this." (I turn my game back on with the volume loud)

Her: (blabbering on about it, but we just ignored her)

So, safe to say I was pretty annoyed after that.  BUT, I was happy to be honest with her for once.  I usually avoid confrontation (because this is how she acts) and just beat around the bush or makes jokes.  Not this time.  And I would like to also say "not anymore".  

Today, my mother's BFF Christmas called to come over.  For once, she called me, because last time it was fucking chaos and my husband got annoyed with her and said "You really should have called first" because we asked her to call first, and she came over twice after that, and didn't call first.  So after my husband got a pissy at her, and told her to call.  Of course my mother heard him say that and told her "Oh, you never have to call first!"  But she said "No, they asked me to, so I am going to."  Funny, I asked her to several surprise visits ago.  Sigh.  But she did today, so we put our dog away (he's a fucking nuisance--he's a puppy) and cleaned up.  Exactly why we wanted her to call first and it worked out quiet well.  So she came over, my mother tried to give her my eggs again, I said no, she got annoyed with me.  But hot damn, those chickens are mine and she needs to stop acting like she has ownership over MY things.  I know it sounds selfish, but she's worse than a little sister, the way she's touched my shit for my entire life.  This has made me VERY possessive over my things with her.  Not with others so much, but with her.  As a child, it made me possessive with everyone over my stuff.  I hated people touching my things, as my mother always thought she could do whatever she wanted with my things.  

So I said no.  Then I went to the bathroom, which has been very hard for me to do since all this, as going pee REALLY hurts my abdomen (I guess your bladder can push on your cyst and when it empties, it will push the cyst around, causing pain).  So I heard her then relay the entire story of what happened to me to Christmas.  Sigh.  So I tore of the bathroom and walked right in and said:

Me: "Listen, thank you so much for telling my private medical issues to your friends." 

Her: (eyeroll)  "It's just Christmas.  You don't care if she knows." 

Me: "Of course I do.  I don't want you to tell anyone about my medical issues.  It's nobody business but MINE to tell people." (I went into the living room and shut the door)

Me: "It's not like I tell anyone your medical issues." (there is a hole in the wall I covered in chicken wire because I haven't replaced the wall yet--we put up a door in the living room to keep our animals out so they don't piss on the furniture--we have TOO many elderly pets)

Her: "You mean to tell me you don't tell anyone that I'm crazy?" (she's making jokes now)

Me: "Oh mother, I don't need to tell anyone that.  They all already know."  

Her and Christmas: (burst into laughter)

And that's how we deal with shit in this house.  She makes a joke out of her mistakes and never actually apologizes.  And she never did.  For either things, the cigarette issue or this.  But, I am proud of myself for, once again, standing straight up to her and telling the truth, rather than making it funny or beating around the bush.  Maybe she won't tell people my business anymore.  I mean, she probably will, but maybe she'll think twice next time?  Or maybe she'll double down.  You never know how she will act.  

But you know what?  Having someone else cook all the food (well, I put the turkey in our electric roaster on Wednesday--we slow roast it, 350 degrees for 30 min, then 200 for around 10 hours) and I get to sit on the couch playing video games while I ate??  I told my hubby and kids "This is my childhood dream come true!  That little kid in me is just having such a wonderful time right now!!"  My entire childhood I BEGGED my mother to eat in the kitchen or in my room, and if I did without anyone noticing, she'd come find me and FORCE me to eat at the table with my idiot family.  I had such horrible issues eating around other people (which I will talk about my next post), that I would just sit there at the table with all my family, and try not to throw up.  I think I lived so much of my childhood trying not to throw up for so many different reasons, as that's how my anxiety presented back then.  The crazy part is living with her again is bringing that back, after years and years of healing from it.  

But sitting there, in the living room, eating a holiday dinner I didn't cook, playing video games, it was damn awesome.  And I got to do it two days in a row!  Lucky me :)  

I am better now.  But it still hurts.  But at least I can sleep now.  And I can pee with out pain again, yay!  That first night I didn't sleep at all.  I am waiting on the gynecologist to call to get me an appointment.  Hopefully they'll call by Monday.  But that's our Thanksgiving.  

Oh, and because of this, I decided to still go through with rehoming our chickens.  And I found a person in town who's going to take them all.  I am soooo happy!  No making them a new winter coop, either!  Yay!  I hope she picks them up soon.  Another reason I am not giving away my eggs anymore.  These are the last I will ever have (until one day when I get new chickens...but that won't be for a long time).  

Okay that's it.  Hope your Thanksgiving was uneventful and tasty.  And I hope the next holiday ours will be, too.  Ugh!