So, last night I told her that her friend was rude and mean to me.  She said "Yes, that's how she is" with an eyeroll and giggled about it.  My mother is so tolerant of actual assholes, yet of the people that she supposedly loves, she has ZERO tolerance for.  I mean, I realize she's not normal.  I know this.  So this should not surprise me.  And honestly, it doesn't.  It just annoys me.  That someone can be rude about her daughter, BOLD FACED LIE about her, and then just act like it didn't even happen.  

Sigh.  

So that's where we're at.  She still wants to be friends with this lady.  Oh well.  At least I can control it in a more subtler way if I have to.  I wish I didn't have to, but obviously this woman is toxic and tries to get between my mother and I (my mother does that enough on her own without an idiot helping her).  The last thing I need is some kind of instigating asshole in our lives.  I may call Christmas and discuss her assholery with her, especially if I hear this lady say some reckless shit to my mother.  That way I can block that bitch from calling us, and Christmas may just ignore her calls.  But that would only be a desperate situation.  

Like, take that old kid from our neighborhood.  He was violent and had some sort of mental disability and tired to push a table into my mother's stomach.  I had to put a stop to him coming over, even though my mother wanted him to come back (like I said, she makes HORRIBLE decisions for herself).  I had to step in and threaten his father (his father literally threatened us if I told his son he couldn't come over and I told the guy I was going to call the police if I saw him or his son anywhere near my house).  It was a mess!  I swear, she makes friends with horrible people just so I have to step in and stop it.  Like, it's a way to get attention from me.  But it's not like I have a choice.  

And here's the thing: there are some adults, who feel like adults.  They can take charge and be bossy to their mothers and know that they are only ones whose opinion matters.  But that's not me.  I am the type of adult who constantly feels like a child because my mother never let me be in charge of anything, not even my own life.  I let her walk all over me, bully, and abuse me, usually without saying a word.  If I tried to take charge, I always came off sounding and looking like an idiot (or at least feeling like one).  So to take on this new role, it's weird.  I mean, I am starting to own it, but at the same time, I am still this child who is terrified of dealing with her meltdowns (and boy does she have meltdowns), so I avoid it at all costs, unless I can't.  But I have no idea how to be this person and be nice.  Now, I am a very nice person.  I am caring and kind.  But when I have to take charge of my mother, I have to put up this stupid wall that makes me look like a closed off cunt.  My mother probably assumes I am always in a bad mood.  But I am not.  It's just around her.  Also, add in the fact I am always angry at her, deep down, so that prolly adds to my closed-offness.  Then yesterday, after I told her about her stupid friend, I changed it up.  It started about the record I bought from her friend, it's from my childhood, this Christmas record of "Mitch Miller and the Gang".  So then we started talking about records, then I talked to her about our old cabinet record player growing up that kind of looked like this: