So much of the past 2.5 years has been me spending time hiding things from my mother.  At first, I had to hide ALL my bathroom stuff, as she couldn't keep her hands off of any of it.  Then it became knickknacks, and then food.  It's a weird state to live in.  This also includes myself.  See, my mother, as you quite well know, has zero boundaries.  She will steal your stuff (once I found two brand new books I had just bought in her bottom drawer), put your stuff where she wants it, and she loves to steal your time.  If I don't hide everything from her, she will covet it.  If I go shopping, she will look through what I bought and want everything for herself.  So my entire life is now filled with sneaking around.  She will ask to keep my things and I if I say no, she will try to guilt trip me.  So instead, I just hide everything.  I don't even tell her I am leaving the house (someone is always home with her) because if I do, she will either ask to go with (so she can shop until my bank account drops) or will ask me to buy her 100 random things.  I can't even have my bedroom door open because if I do, she will invade my room, even though she knows she's not allowed.  For her, if it's in her sight, she will not only want it and ask for it, she will take it if she can, usually without asking.  I feel like I've lived this life for so long now that I don't know how to live otherwise.  I don't even know what that would look like anymore.  The kind of life to have the freedom to do whatever I want again, in my own house.  I get so annoyed certain places are so cluttered in this house (like my room), but that's because I am hiding my items in a space they aren't supposed to be because of her.  

I know this is not permanent.  I know this.  But it still feels like I am wasting so much of my time living in such a way that I hate just because I have to take care of her.  But at the same time, it's benefitting us financially.  And with that, I need to remember just how temporary this truly is.  And that I need to take full advantage of this temporary situation, rather than complaining about what I don't have.  Back when I had this?  This, freedom?  We were struggling so bad financially that we had to resort to living under her rule just so we could afford groceries.  Back then, I used to dream of taking my power back.  And now I have my power back, and all I am doing, once again, is complaining.  No, things are not perfect.  As long as she's in our lives it won't be.  But it's a billion times better than it was before.  It's even a billion times better than it was just two years ago, or even a year ago.  I need to remember this.  And to see the gift we've been given, even though it's wrapped up in a stinky turd.  But that turd keeps getting less figuratively stinky the more literally stinky it gets.  So we are headed in the right direction.  

Time to buckle down and make this work to the best of our ability.  Time to take a step back and see everything from a broader perspective than the short-sighted one I keep looking out from.  

Sometimes I know I write in...what's the word?  Vague terms?   But know this is because it's for me to read later, not really for the masses to understand in the moment.  Or maybe you do get it.  Maybe you're in the same boat as me?  I hope not, but if you are, you're not alone in this.  

Okay, time to go make some actual plans on how to tackle what's coming next (which is cleaning the garage out and purging our whole house still--I do this, a little bit at a time, but I want it done faster!).  Also, what's coming next is getting more money and moving to bigger place.  But first, we need to purge and get our chickens into new garage coops LOL