Just so you know, my mother is sitting right next to me as I'm writing this.  She's on my shit list and for some reason, she thinks that she can come in and join my family while we're having fun.  And now I just want to barf.  

Anyways, so twice today, she was talking to her friends really loudly on the phone (she's partially deaf) and both times she shit-talked me.  With one, her newish/old friend Halloween called, and said she hadn't gotten her Christmas card yet, and my mother blamed me and said I probably lost them or didn't send it on purpose.  

The second time, her BFF Christmas called and Christmas said that she had called me the other day to tell me to have my mother call Halloween, since Halloween had called her and her husband because she could not get ahold of my mother.  And I freaking forgot all about it.  Also, Halloween is a bad influence on my mother and is a really horrible person, so I didn't make a note to remember to tell her, either.  Well, my mother told Christmas most likely I didn't tell her on purpose.  Christmas said "Why on earth would she do that?  She wouldn't do that, she just forgot."  And my mother said in a shitty voice "Sure."  You could just hear the eyeroll.  Well, at least Christmas stood up for me.

Today, talking about this to my son and my husband, I didn't realize just how much it bothered me that my mother is INTENT on making me look horrible to her friends, that I almost started crying.  Which startled me, because I normally do not cry.  But it just reminds that this shit will never end with her.  She will always do this, just as she always has.

And now my mother left the room, because I completely ignored her.  HA!  Git, you seahag!  (in fact, our nickname for her is YOS: Ye Olde Seahag).  

So, I went out today, in 40 below weatehr, got my mother her scratch tickets (lottery) to give to everyone for Christmas presents, and I came home and made her envelopes to put them in (I went on Canva and designed them and printed them out) and she gave me a compliment "Oh this is why I have such a clever daughter!  You're so talented!"  All I could think was "fuck off, you liar", but I didn't say a word.  But I am really angry about this.  Angry and hurt.  Now, I know her behavior today shouldn't bother me, but I feel like I can't do anything right, because no matter what I do, she will always want other people to hate me.  Her goal in life is to alienate me from everyone she has contact with.  Why?  I mean, she did this even when she had her faculties about her.  When she had her freedom.  When she's angry with me, I expect it.  But now?  Why?  Just a month ago I told her to cool it and to stop being such a horrendous person or else there will be consequences.  Well, she's back to being up to no good only four short weeks later, and I have no idea what those consequences should be.  

On top of that, today my mother also gave her friend Halloween my fucking telephone number, as well as my first and last name.  When Christmas called me, she told me that H wanted my phone number, and I said no.  But today, my mother all willy-nilly hands out my number without even thinking about asking me.  Of course, I mean, I never expect her to do the right thing, because she's incapable.  So, I immediately blocked that crazy woman's number from calling me, because she's one of those people who will call 50 times a day if you don't answer.  So, if my mother doesn't answer, that evil scorpion will call me instead.  And I am not having it.  So, I said to my mother, even though she didn't know that I knew she had already given her my number "So Christmas asked if H could have my number, and I said no, because if you don't answer your phone, she will call 50 times a day."  My mother didn't say word about it to me and acted like it was nothing.  When my mother talked to Christmas, she mentioned that she told me that H asked her for my number and my mother asked really quickly "Oh, what did she say?  Was she okay with it?"  Christmas couldn't remember.  But at least Christmas didn't give her my number (though mostly because she couldn't remember it). 

But I don't get what shaming me like that does for my mother.  I don't get why narcissists are so intent on destroying us, even if we don't even know about it.  Like, why does she want her idiot friends to think I am some kind of asshole?  I do everything for her and she's an ungrateful seahag.  Because if she was grateful, she'd not want her friends to think bad of me for apparently no fucking reason.  But this is what she does.  And I literally can't stand it.  

Our plan is to save enough money this year to put a down payment on a house.  This also means making extra money for spending money, since we'll have none.  So, we need to get on this and get to moving and put YOS in a home.  Because this is just stupid anymore.  I wonder what stupid shit she'll get up to this weekend?  I guarantee you it'll be something.  Sigh.  Until then.