She cleaned the living room again, even though it's MY stuff in there.  I am very annoyed, because she knows a) I don't want her going through my stuff, which she does regularly and b) I don't want her cleaning the living room, as it's MY mess, and MY stuff she's moving around and putting in weird places.  And plus, she never uses the living room.  It's where the rest of the family goes to watch TV and play video games.  She has no use for it.  

And she was listening to me about that rule until last Thanksgiving, when I went into the ER with severe pain due to a cyst on my ovary (caused by my Mirena IUD).  She used me being in severe pain as an excuse to do whatever she liked.  "Oh, Shay is laid up, I can run around and act like a jerkoff!"  Which is what brought about the "bathroom incident" where she physically attacked me.  And she's been cleaning the living room ever since.  So I put a note on the door today, stating "Please do not clean up the living room unless it's your mess.  Thank you!  --The Management".  She LOVES to leave notes for me all the time, so I leave notes for her.  She doesn't listen when I speak my wishes, but she usually does if I write them down.  She loves to take the garbage bag out of the can and leave it in the kitchen (or garage and not tell us it's there) so my dogs get into the bag and make a freaking mess.  So I wrote with dry erase marker on the fridge with arrows pointing down "Leave bag in can and do not remove".  She hasn't touched it since.  

My mother for some reason listens to the printed word, and never the spoken word.  Maybe she thinks if it's in writing it's FOR REAL.  I don't know.  It's weird.  Or maybe by publicly putting the words where everyone can see it shames her into submission?  I could see that.  She used to pull the stupid sides of the garbage bags into the can, so when you'd throw something away, it would just bounce right back out.  So I put a sign on top of the can "DO NOT PUT SIDES OF BAG INTO CAN!"  She never did it again.  But if I ask her?  I will have to ask 1,000 times before she even considers listening to me.  When we first moved in here, I had little notes all over the house for her.  She refused to do as I asked, EVER, so I had to put notes on every thing I wanted done or not done.  "Please leave backyard light on at all times!" (I even had to duct tape the light switch into the up position to get her to stop shutting it off).  "Please put draft snake back in front of door" because she would never ever put it back and still didn't with the sign.  The snake has been removed this year due to the fact our puppy thinks it's a huge stuffy toy and he destroyed it LOL  Right now I just put another little note up that says "Please stop leaving the back door wide open, it's winter and it's cold!  Duh!"  She will come in from smoking and shut the screen door and leave the actual back door wide open.  It's fucking 25 degrees out.  

One reason you see these types of notes in a house is because the person has dementia.  And my mother does.  So that's my excuse if anyone sees them.  "Oh ma has dementia and can't remember things".  It's not a lie.  The back door thing is most likely that reason.  But using the act of "cleaning" as an excuse to go through my stuff?  Is pure 100% narcissism.  She's always been like that.  She's nosy and likes to steal my stuff.  One time, I bought two books at the resale shop.  These books were two books I've wanted ever since seeing them at my husband's college waiting room.  They were old-fashioned black and white photos of our town in the old days, and both were hardcover.  And she saw them right after I bought them and hide them in her dresser.  Because her brother, my uncle, made the first types of these books (old postcard books) before they became popular and I think they reminded her of him.  But they weren't postcards, just pictures and she has his book.  She didn't even ask me about them, she just went through my stuff and stole them.  She's stolen other items of mine, too, which is why I am so hypervigilant about this shit.  I hate her touching anything of mine.  As a child, she'd go into my room when I wasn't home and "clean" my room and throw all my stuff in the garbage.  When I would go into the garbage to retrieve my items?  She started bringing my stuff to her mother's house to throw away.  That way she could just get rid of my beloved items and I'd never see them again.  I never did that to my kids.  If I cleaned their rooms, I'd have a box of their stuff so they could tell me what was garbage and what wasn't.  I was respectful of their property because nobody was ever respectful of mine.  

And she still isn't.  She needs to stick to cleaning her own room, her own bathroom, and leave the rest alone.  It's not hers.  And she's not doing it to be helpful, she's doing it lord it over the rest of us "Look how messy you are!  Why doesn't anyone ever clean this?" she'll yell while she's cleaning.  She also does it because I told her she can't.  If she were being actually helpful, she'd clean up the shit off her walls in her bathroom (or even the toilet seat) or clean the cat shit off her closet floor.  Or she'd do a number things that actually need to be done.  But no, she always wants to do what someone else either has or doesn't want her to do.  She covets.  And with her coveting, she using cleaning a way to get access to other people's things.  She's obsessed with other people's items has been her whole life.  If I put a lawn decor item in the yard?  She will leave her stuff alone and move mine 100x.  It's insane!

She also put the dishes away yesterday, which I didn't like either, as she breaks them because she's clumsy or puts things away in the wrong place.  But I'll let that go in favor of her not touching my stuff.  One thing at a time.  My son's therapist told me once to "pick and choose my battles" as a parent.  My old therapist also told me the same thing.  His advice was for my mother though, and he said to rate the issue from 1-10, and anything 5 and over to deal with, anything less to just ignore it.  It was good advice.  Too bad he was a shit therapist.  But even broken clocks are right twice a day.  

So I will let the dishes go and just make sure they're put away myself before she can get to them (they were left out from the night before).  Just like I clean the toilet every other day now.  If I don't, she will let hers get all wonky and gross and then complain she has to clean it.  But she always on about how much she LOVES cleaning, so I leave these things for her to do.  But then she uses that to complain she has to clean.  It's a stupid never-ending cycle. "Please let me clean!"  "Oh god!!  Why does nobody ever clean?!!"  We do clean, we just leave things for her to clean.  Ugh.  

So now I clean the toilets and the sinks and the mirrors, all things I left for her to do because she begged me to.  But I can't deal with her shitty behavior anymore so I just do them now.  She will even beg me to clean the stove.  So I leave it and she never does it.  So now I do it, so she can once again beg me to do it.  Like I said, it's never-ending.  

Well, time to go clean something.  Or not.  Actually, my son and I are going to get some stuff done for our store.  I can hear him up and in the kitchen.  Oh no, now I hear her, too.  Ugh.  I guess I'll wait until she leaves.  

Till next time.