Today she wanted me to email her sister because her sister was blaming my mother for my aunt's own caller ID not working (she lives 6 hours away in another state).  But here's the kicker: my mother wanted me to email her pretending to be my mother.  It was as though me emailing my own aunt myself was not an option.  As though me emailing her myself was not only unnecessary, but completely unheard of.  It was as though I am not a part of this family anymore.  Period.  

Sigh.  I am so fucking done with this game.  I refuse to be ignored anymore.  I take care of this crazy person who lives in my house and I will not pretend I don't.  I will not pretend I do not matter.  And I will not let them pretend that either.  They do not have to like me.  But they do have to respect the fact that I exist until my mother passes on.  After she's gone?  They can forget I ever existed in the first place.

So, I emailed my aunt, as myself, without my mother's permission or knowing about it, because why should I have to hide the fact that I exist?  Why?  It makes zero sense.  She literally wanted me to misspell things, leave out punctuation, and not capitalize words to make it more believable.  What in the holy hell is wrong with her?  Why not just say "Hey Shay, can you email my sister and tell her how caller ID works?".  Because that would be too weird, I guess.  I am not supposed to exist anymore.  I am not supposed to be in a familial relationship with anyone, not even my own mother.  But I emailed my aunt, explained what she needed to know, and told her it has nothing to do with my mom's phone why my mother's name doesn't come up on my aunt's caller ID (it's the phone company's issue) and that she needs to put my mom's name and number in her phone's directory (a cordless landline phone) and that would fix the problem.

I started to rectify this last year by signing my name to certain Christmas cards of hers she had me send out.  But now I am going to do it to ALL of her cards this holiday season.  Or should I say "our" cards.  Because fuck that.  I am done letting her erase me.  And I am done letting her let other people think she's erased me, too.  They all need to know that we ALL live in this house, TOGETHER, and my mother is not the one running the show.  

Well, that felt good.  Today hasn't been the best day, but that made me feel great to know I have the ability to take my own power back still.

That is all for now.