My mother's friend from the old neighborhood stopped by today without calling first.  He called when he was outside our house and she didn't answer, so he just knocked on our door.  I answered, and got my mother to tell her he's here and what does she say to me? 

Her: Shut your window so I can smoke out front.  

Me: No.  It's hot inside and there is no smoking out front.  That's the rule.

Her: Well, don't get too mad at me if I do.

Me:  You won't because you know the rules.  And I will be mad.  The answer is no.

Her: I most likely will. 

Me: Or, it's just smoking, and you could just not smoke.  It's not that hard.

Her: I probably will. 

Me: B and I were on our way out the door to clean out the eaves anyways, so you can just wait. 

Her: You can start out back.

Me: It doesn't take that long, so even if we did, we'll still be out front before you're done visiting.  So, just don't smoke. 

Her: I am going to.

Me: Or, you could just be considerate of what other people ask you not to do. 

Her: I am just not that type of person. 

What on earth did she just say? Why does she keep on getting more honest the older she gets?

Me: *snorts*  Yeah, I am well aware of that fact.

End Scene

Here's how the scene should have went: 

Her: Shut your window so I can smoke out front.  

Me: No.  It's hot inside and there is no smoking out front.  That's the rule.

Her: Well, don't get too mad at me if I do.

Me: The conversation is over.  I already said no.  If you smoke out front, there will be consequences.  Period.  I am done with this conversation.  

Her: I most likely will.  (but I wouldn't have heard this part since I would have already left the room)

She baited me and she won.  She knew damn well there will be consequences so that's why she pushed it with me like that.  She knew she would not smoke out front.  She just wanted to play the badass in front of her shitty little friend (this guy is a DICK with a capital D).  I shouldn't have answered the door.  In fact, I won't next time.  There should be consequences for her being an idiot about all this with me.  And this guy, for some reason, she likes to be pretend she's a BITCH around him.  The entire time they visited?  All she did was bash me and my family.  So yeah, I am not answering the door next time.  I don't like who she becomes around this guy.  He's the husband her old posse buddy who died.  Both him and his wife were so far up my mother's ass it was hard to tell where my mother started and where these people ended.  He's such a dick that he even started hating my son for no reason back in the day because he thought he had said something to my mother he didn't like.  He was just a kid!  This guy is an overgrown (and I also mean overgrown as in "unkempt"--people think he's a homeless guy walking around LOL) man-child.  

And he loves my mother.  He was PISSED when we moved in here and thought I had stolen my mother away from him.  I think he has a crush on her.  He refuses to believe she's got dementia and thinks I am overreacting by not letting her do certain things (things her doctor said she can no longer do, like drive).  So he's a bad influence.  But maybe he won't come back over again.  I can only hope.  

When she does things like this, it's always right after I do something nice for her.  I bought her some apple drinks she likes and got everything on her list she asked for.  She didn't even know I bought her the apple drinks, it's like she has a sixth sense or something, as this always happens.  So, after I left her to go out and hang out with her homeless boyfriend, I took the apple drinks and put them away LOL  Because I am petty and it makes me feel better to not give her something special when she's being an asshole to me.  So there. 

I shouldn't have allowed her to bait me into arguing with her.  But she took me by surprise.  

And this is how I know all of her "good behavior" is just a fucking act.  Because the minute she can go back to her old self, she will.  The minute she is around someone who brings out that shitty side of her?  She immediately reverts.  She's not changed at all.  She's just not in an environment that she can play her stupid games so she doesn't play them.  It's like all the torture and hard work I've gone through for the past two years is gone in an instant and BAM!  She's back to being a total fucking asshole.  

I am serious when I say I don't want that man at our house ever again.  He's like toxic poison to our family.  Even if it had nothing to do with his own behavior, just having him in the presence of my mother makes her fucking crazy.  Just like her old, gossiping, asshole self.  I've come too far to let her slide back.  So, I am going to block his calls from our phone and ignore him when he stops by (if we're outside, I will say she's napping).  I mean, I can't literally outright tell him to stay away, but I can certainly do what I can to made it as little as possible.  I will say that, luckily, he normally doesn't call or stop by, so that's a plus.  I don't want to have to live my life managing who shows up at our house.  

I am very grateful that most of my mother's friends have had nothing to do with her since she moved.  Goes to show they were just friends of convenience.  She lived near them, so she was easy to physically get to, so they kept her as a friend.  The minute she was out of there, they all dropped off the planet.  All except Christmas.  And she's the one my mother abused the most.  Which says a lot about her and her codependency.  But my mother leaving lets Christmas have other friends (most likely also narcissists), as when my mother lived behind her (like, across the alley), C would be at my mother's house every single day.  Now C can have a little variety in her life.  I just wish she knew how to recognize when her friends were assholes.  

But, my mother didn't smoke when she was out front with her buddy.  And she never apologized for what she said or mentioned it all.  Oh well.  I prefer her not to anyways.  I will just wait until she had another friend come over and I will bring it up and tell her how shitty it was she said that to me.  

People talk about being "grey rock" as though you're supposed to let these little babies get away with everything all the time.  But my old shitty therapist said one good thing to me: "Rate your mother's behavior from 1-10.  Anything 5 and over is worth bringing up.  Anything less than a 5 should get ignored.  That way, you save your sanity."  And that was definitely a 5.  It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't okay, either.  I didn't like that I let her bait me into a "conversation" about her smoking out front, but it should not go unsaid that she will have consequences if she does smoke out there (like, getting 2 less cigarettes the next day, etc.).  Then again, she wants me to be angry about it.  So, maybe I won't say anything.  I'll just implement the consequences if it happens.  I think that's a better idea, as bringing it up again for seemingly no reason--though if SHE brings it up, that's different.  Then I can remind her that there are rules for a reason.  

Ugh.  I just want to put her in a home and have some freedom again.  But also like my shitty therapist once said (okay, he said two good things) "This won't be forever.  Remember that."  I have to remind myself of that regularly.  But what a waste of time until then.  Ugh.  

Maybe she'll stop being so sassy soon and calm TF down.  We can only hope.