Recently, I met a set of sisters at a garage sale they were putting on.  The first time we went there, we chatted them up, and they seemed cool.  Then the second time, a few weeks later, we kind of became "friends".  You know, the kind where you say "Hit me up on Facebook/other social media/etc.".  So I did.  I chatted with the one sister, the one I liked better, about our storefronts and whatnot.  The other sister accepted my friend request (she told me to request her) and said nothing to me and hasn't since.  

Then, I was going to come back to their garage sale two days later, because the one sister, the silent one, was going to bring a whole slew of new vintage linens for me to check out and buy.  But I get there, and she didn't show up, and the other sister never told me she wasn't coming.  So, I wasted my time and gas for nothing.  Then, later that day, someone asked on Facebook if the sister had any linens left, and the sister who was at the garage sale that days said "YES!" and tagged her sister, who said she'd send her pics and she'd ship them to her.  What in the fuck was going here?  

Here's the deal: I do not like feeling ignored.  I do not like feeling like I do not matter.  I do not like feeling like I was the one who asked for any of this.  L, the sister with the linens, told me to come back two days later (this was Thursday).  N, the sister who's house the sale was at, ignored me when I first came back on Saturday, and then I had to say something to her.  Though without prompting she said, "L isn't here yet today with her linens."  So, she knew I was there and wanted to buy them.  I didn't see it as much of a big deal until I later that day saw them both trying to sell them to someone else on Facebook who didn't even live in town and offered to ship them to her! AND here's the kicker: the linens were stored at N's house the entire time!  L just wasn't there to get them out that Saturday.  N could have, but she didn't and blamed it on her sister not being there.  I am so confused by all of this!  Because they surely didn't forget she was promising to sell them to me and I had to drive all the way out to N's house to just be told L wasn't there with her linens.  I am friends with both of them on Facebook right now, and either one could have messaged me and said L wasn't coming.  But nope.  They didn't think about informing them, then posted right where I could see it that they were trying to sell them to someone else.  

THEN on Sunday, the day after, N is in an art show and didn't tell me about it, even though we both were just chatting about our art the day before.  Which is fine, she barely knows me, but it just felt weird, since she never mentioned it while were chatting about our art projects.  No "Hey, tomorrow I am in an art show, maybe you should come see me!"  That would have been a normal thing to say.  

And then another thing: she told me at her garage sale that she hated people.  Which I thought was nice, because I do too.  But then I get on her FB profile and see she's friends with 1000 people.  No joke.  ONE.  THOUSAND.  PEOPLE. Um......what?  The only people I know that have that many people on their FB page are narcissists.  I haven't met a single person yet with a lot of friends on social media who isn't a crazy narc.  But then she posted pictures of her at the art show and I don't mean to be mean, but she spraypainted some dots on some scrap wood (like you can tell they were spraypainted) and slapped a $50 price tag on it.  Most of her "art" was like that.  Oh goodness.  Now we're really get into the nitty gritty here.  She's surely a narcissist, because who thinks so much of art that looks like a kid made it (I am not even joking--I am not an art snob either) to only sell it for that price, but also put it in an art show next to real artists (I saw other artist's art there in pics, they were magnificent).  Please don't think I am being a jerk (I mean, I get it if you think that, because I know it's not right to bash other people's work--but I can't help it here), because what I am getting at, is when I see something like this happen, it's a HUGE red flag for a narcissist.  It's one thing if I just didn't like her art.  That's not what's going on here.  It feels like someone who's just learning how to be creative and now they want to price themselves like people who actually work hard at their craft.  I once met a writer like this once, talking about how she was the best writer ever, and even compared herself to Stephen King (even though I don't like SK, I still think he's a good writer).  Then I read her work, and it read like a rambling incoherent, volatile slew of ideas, rather than actual work.  I was so confused why she thought she was the "best ever" (I didn't know about narcissism at the time).  And yes, that woman turned out to be a total narcissist.  Because only weirdos think they are great when they suck at something.  Non-weirdos are humble about their craft.  I love writing and making art, but I will never tell a person I am good at it.  And I would never EVER be so far up my own arse to think I deserve to be in an art show if my work was in its beginning stage and then brag about it like I am on par with everyone else.  Ugh.  

Sigh.  

And this is why I don't make friends with anyone.  Because people suck.  I do not like having to ask people to treat me with respect.  Nobody should.  And now I have to find a secret way to bow out of our FB friendships.  Or, with 1,000 friends, maybe she won't even notice??  Probably not LOL 

It's been quiet around here.  The weather has been gorgeous, with some hot days thrown in.  Mother has been a little bitchy, here and there, but ever since she talked shit about my husband mowing (did I write about that on here?  I am pretty sure I did) this summer to her BFF Christmas, she's mostly been behaving.  Externally, that is.  Though one day, after several days of me forgetting to put her cigarettes out at night, she got pissed and yelled at my son "I don't know why I can't just go get them myself!!".  Meaning to barge in MY room in the middle of the night and take them, even though she has no idea where they are, or if they're even made (if you're new here, I make her cigarettes, because it's 10x+ cheaper).  She knocked on my door at 3 am one night, and woke up my fucking dogs, who started screaming, and then called me on the phone, which was just as fucking loud as the dogs barking.  I was already getting them for her when she called, so I marched out and chucked them onto the counter and said "Thanks for waking us all up!" and marched back to my room.  I was pissed.  

Cigarettes are not a need.  They are a want.  And I used to smoke.  So, I know this.  I could go many hours without them if I had to.  But my mother thinks her wants are more important than people's sleep and I can go months and months and ever forget to put them out, then 3 nights in a row (oops) I do, and now she's completely an asshole about it.  

She could just quit.  But she's dead against quitting.  I did, however, whittle her down to 13 cigarettes a day, instead of a whole pack, which is 20.  I've tried to go below 13, but she won't have it.  At least 13 is better than 20.  Well, at least for the bank account.  Not for her health.  

But other than that fiasco, everything has been quiet.  Goodness knows she won't stay quiet if she feels the need to be disruptive.  But luckily, she hasn't lately.  

My hubby may be going back to work soon.  Which sucks.  I do not do well when he's away for long periods of time.  But we'll see what happens.  I hope after all this, he knows that he can take time off and still have a job when he wants to go back and hopefully he'll take advantage of that.  I also have been using all this time I've not been blogging by making items for my store.  And it's not been easy.  I get on a roll, get sick, have to take a break, then my mojo has been broken so it's hard to get back to it.  But I am not quitting this time.  I haven't yet, and it's not been easy.  But that's what it takes to make a go of things.  You can't just give up and not do it and think you gave it a fair shake.  You have to push hard, even when you feel you can't.  No, I don't mean I work when I am sick.  I mean I don't let getting sick stop me.  I get sick, I take a break to let my body fix itself, and I go right back at it.  The problem is that I am creating different items in my store, so it feels like I am neglecting one set of items to work on another.  But eventually I'll have enough items to list.  Right now I have one thing listed on Etsy, and it's got almost no views.  I am switching platforms.  Not because of that, but because Etsy sucks.  And there is a new ground floor opportunity to get in on instead.  I just need enough items to open my store.  

Here is the issue: I make the items.  I am good at that.  But then I have to take pictures, make videos, pick music, and market.  I am bad at those things.  My son was helping me, but then he got busy.  So, I need to figure out how I can do all this and still keep my sanity.  I really freaking hate all that extra crap.  I love creating items.  I just can't do all that other crap on top of it.  

AND then we have my group.  I am starting a local group that meets in person which is centered on healing your high ACE score.  It's free, but it will take donations.  From this group, I will do two things: 1) build a good healing circle program for others to follow--either I will teach it or put it in a book (or I will make the next circle paid, though I am not sure I want to put effort into 2 circles or more, though I may have to) and 2) I will find people to join my Tribe.  

My goal for a tribe is to come together, be like-minded, and be a second family for each other.  Not all people in my healing circle will be in my family's tribe, but that's where I want to find people to create it.  So, I am creating my healing circle on top of creating my store (and running my household).  Sigh.  I am overwhelmed, but both things are necessary for my family's future.  I need to make money and we need family and friends outside of the home.  I am also writing a book on tribe building (though not at this direct moment, I am taking a break to concentrate on my store--though it's partially already done). I am also a licensed life coach, and this circle is how I want to use my knowledge and title (though what is that title? LOL).  

I feel so jumbled in my head with all of this.  I need to make mind maps to keep it all straight.  I think I will do that next, as that's the easiest way to organize my thoughts and ideas.  

I am so glad my mother isn't adding to my chaos right now.  Thank goodness.  She will, eventually, but for now, I am just being grateful she's being goodish.  Hubby is getting pizza right now, as I am stuck in bed with my back acting up (when I need to be sewing!).  I hope all is well for you, dear reader.  And I hope this summer is finding you in both good health and less chaos.  Until next time.  

UGH.  Not again.  My neighbor called and caught me by surprise and asked me to be on "backup" for watching her dog in July, as she's heading out of town with her husband and her friend is going to watch her dog, but when she's at work, she'd like me as a backup.  I figured it would be like 1-2 times, so I said yes.  BUT THEN she hit me with "You'll have to change his diapers."  

Are.  You.  Fucking.  Kidding.  Me?

I should have said "Oh wait, I forgot I was busy."  But I didn't and soon hung up.  And she texted me to today, on the Fourth of July, to come over and learn how to change his diapers.  I didn't answer.  But then I did and said "Oh, I didn't know it was this weekend.  I wasn't sure when you were leaving but I will have family in town from Thursday to Monday.  I am sorry."  And she didn't write back.  But then she called me.  I did not answer, because wtf?  Just say "okay" and move on.  Good grief.  I don't want to watch her dog again.  EVER.  Now that I have to change his diapers.  No way Chipotle.  Gross!  I will give her husband back their remote for their garage door and I will be done.  I tried to give it back last time and she said no.  Now I know why.  It was to keep me in line to be her servant.  She knows she can take advantage of my niceness, but I HAVE to find a way to give them back their remote and be done with it.  Will I end up having to have it out with her to get her to leave me alone?  If so, I want to say "Wow.  I tried so hard to be nice here.  I tried so hard to avoid getting into an argument with you, but I swear, you're pushing me on purpose to make me yell at you so you get to be the victim.  But you need to hire a dogsitter and stop taking advantage of your neighbors because it's not fair.  Or maybe you should just take care of your dog yourself, like the rest of us do?"  She's not a "dog owner", she's a person who owns a dog.  She wants the freedom to do whatever she likes, as though she doesn't have pets.  So why have a pet???  It makes no sense.  

I still don't get why she called me, because I was not watching her dog, I was her friend's backup.  Oh well.  I never got a backup when I'd watch him for 3+ days at a time.  I had to do it all myself.  AND she knows if and when you show up, as she has things in her house that go off and ping her phone.  It's creepy!  

Here's the other bullshit: if I am out back and she needs me, she will bother me while I am relaxing to do her bidding.  If I am in my garage, hanging out or cleaning with my hubby and she needs me, she will come into the garage.  If I am in my yard, same.  All the same.  I, ONCE AGAIN, am being held hostage in my own home due to a pushy ass neighbor.  I feel I keep repeating mistakes so I learn how to deal with them.  So, I should put her remote in an envelope and write a note saying "Here's your remote back, I am sorry that I cannot help you out with Percy anymore as I am too busy."  No need for a single more of an explanation as she doesn't give two shits that I say nice things about her dog.  She's SSSSOOOOOOOOO freaking self-centered and selfish that all she cares about is if you can do anything for her at all.  If I didn't like my phone number so much, I'd change my number on her, too.  She doesn't even ask how your day is or how your life is going, it's all about her 24/7.  I need to be done with this.  I need to not have one more blog post about this.  I cannot and WILL NOT change her dog's diapers.  I have my own pets to deal with.  I have had THREE DOGS DIE THIS YEAR and she hasn't even noticed.  And she lives next door!!!!  WTF???  She doesn't care to know anything about anyone if it doesn't have anything to do with her.  I am so tired of being treated as though I am the extension of an narcissist's reach.  I am not a fucking object.  I need to stop letting people treat me like one.  

I almost wish she'd say something shitty to me.  I would love to unleash on her.  But then again, the older I get, the more I realize that burning bridges isn't always a good thing.  Esp. not when the idiot lives next door from you.  

Last night, my dog got into some stinging nettle and was poisoned and was swelling up and barfing all night.  I have my own shit to deal with.  I don't need her shit, too.  UGGGGGGHHHH. 

UPDATE: She called me (like I said), I did not answer, she hasn't spoken to me since.  And I hope never again. But I know I am not that lucky.  So, the next time she calls?  I will not answer.  No more asking me in person. I can say no by text easier.